A Not so Happy New Year
by xerus
Summary: jZzRgRl13 started this and I'll try to finish it
1. Default chapter

Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them. Again, props to JZzRgRl13 for the initial story. I don't own the characters..wish I did..but I don't ...don't sue!  
  
Chapter Three  
  
January 2, 2004 9:30 am  
  
Seth groaned and slowly opened his eyes, his head pounding and his vision blurry. Kirsten was at his bedside before his vision cleared.  
  
"..Mom.."  
  
"I'm here sweetie..it's alright..you're okay..Seth?  
  
Seth looked at his mother.  
  
"Mom..what happened.why are you in my room?"  
  
Kirsten put her hand on Seth's cheek  
  
"Seth honey, do you remember the accident..?  
  
Seth shook his head and frowned. Fragmented images began to evolve into memories. Seth's mouth opened and then closed.  
  
"Seth.what is it."  
  
Kirsten now had both hands on Seth's face, her thumbs ever so gently stroking the bruises under his eyes.  
  
" I don't..I don't remember all of it..Ryan said we had to get home before you and dad.he took the keys away from me..he said I was too wasted to drive..."  
  
Seth looked into his mother's eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry Mom..Ryan didn't..he didn't.. wasn't drinking..he said something about his mom getting drunk and he wasn't going to do the same thing.."  
  
Seth took a breath before continuing. The events of New Years Eve were starting to come back to him.  
  
"We got Marissa and the next thing I remember is waking up in the.."Mom!"  
  
Seth's voice rose  
  
"Is Ryan.? Marissa..?"  
  
Kirsten gently pulled Seth into a hug.  
  
"It's okay Seth.Marissa's back home. She's fine. She has some bruising and a broken arm but she'll be okay..Marissa's safe."  
  
Seth pulled out of the hug, but maintained eye contact with his mom.  
  
"What about Ryan.?"  
  
"Your Dad called about an hour ago. Ryan is doing as well as can be expected. The doctors are a little more optimistic now that he's made it through the night but."  
  
Kirsten swallowed and called on all her reserves of self control.  
  
"He's not out of danger yet.He's still sedated and he's not able to breathe on his own. We just have to wait and pray."  
  
Seth put his head on Kirsten's shoulder and she held him closer to her.  
  
"He'll be okay Mom..He'll come home.He'll come back to us.  
  
Sandy paced the hallway outside the CCU. He'd been asked to leave the room while Dr. Michaels and Dr. Meyers examined Ryan again. From the doorway he watched as Dr. Meyers removed the bandages from Ryan's head and examined the stitches closing a long snaking laceration and around the drainage site where the shunt had been inserted. Swatches of Ryan's dark blonde hair had been shaved away making him look like a 3 year old who played with his father's razor. The myriad of black stitches stood out in stark contrast to Ryan's white scalp. Sandy was unable to watch any more and resumed his pacing. Dr. Meyers gently removed to tape from Ryan's eyes and lifted each eyelid, flashing his penlight into Ryan's unresponsive eyes. The doctor replaced the dressings on Ryan's lacerations and quickly re-bandaged his head.  
  
Dr. Meyers stepped back as Dr. Michaels rolled back the blanket covering Ryan and lifted his gown. He checked the incisions on Ryan's torso, satisfied that there was no sign of infection. He covered the incisions with clean dressings, checked the area on Ryan's chest where a central I.V. line had been inserted the night of the accident and also checked the side of Ryan's torso where the chest tube was. Dr. Michaels quickly lowered Ryan's gown and covered him once again with the blanket. A quick check of the 8" (20cm) laceration on Ryan's left forearm completed the exam.  
  
Dr. Meyers handed his colleague the medical chart. Dr. Michaels made some notations of Ryan's examination, checked the I.V.s and monitors and hung the chart on the end of the bed.  
  
Drs. Meyers and Michaels met with Sandy in the hall. They told him that while Ryan's condition was still very critical, he was stable.  
  
The pounding in Seth's head had subsided as he and Kirsten drove to the hospital. Kirsten agreed to let Seth come with her on the condition that after a quick visit with Ryan, Seth would go home with Sandy and take it easy.  
  
Seth remained stoic as he spoke quietly to Ryan. The ventilator and the chest pump kept time rhythmically with his words. Only after a quick hug from his mom and his dad putting his arm around Seth's shoulder leading him out of the room, did the boy allow himself to feel the emotion that he kept hidden while he was with Ryan.  
  
Sandy stopped in the hallway and hugged Seth.  
  
"He'll be okay Seth. He will get better."  
  
Sandy prayed that if he said those words enough, that they would come true.  
  
Kirsten mindlessly flipped through the same magazine for the last three hours. It was a little awkward doing it with only her left hand but she refused to let go of Ryan's hand. She wanted him to know that she was there so she held his left hand, gently stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. From time to time Kirsten would read an article out loud that she thought was interesting, hoping to get some sort of response from Ryan even though she knew he was still sedated.  
  
A nurse would come in every half hour and check on Ryan. Kirsten knew that the nursing staff was able to monitor Ryan from their station but it did make her feel better knowing that they'd check in on him in person.  
  
She glanced at the clock for what seemed like the gazillionth time only to find that the hands of the clock took a giant leap forward. Realizing that she must have dozed off, she was about to call for a nurse to sit with Ryan while she called Sandy when a familiar Figure appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Dad."  
  
Kirsten rose from her chair just as her Dad crossed the room. She hugged her father. Caleb returned her hug and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"Kiki, I got your messages and I stopped by the house to see Seth.He's okay. a little sleepy, but he looks good, all things considering."  
  
Caleb looked down at Ryan  
  
He was unsure how he felt towards Ryan at this moment. Ryan was after all driving that night and Seth and Marissa could have been killed. Caleb wisely kept the fact that Julie Cooper had caught him in the Cohen's driveway and cried to him that the car wreck had been all Ryan's fault and that Ryan had been nothing but trouble since the day Sandy brought him home..but seeing Ryan lying there unable to breathe on his own, looking battered and broken, he knew that whatever he was feeling, anger was not a part of it.  
  
"How is he.?"  
  
Kirsten bit her bottom lip and responded quietly.  
  
"He's holding his own. The doctors say it's still to early to tell if Ryan will recover but I know in my heart that he'll pull through..we just need to keep the faith..."  
  
Caleb wrapped his arms around his daughter.  
  
"You always did have a thing for the underdog..Your choice of a husband..taking in a stray kid.."  
  
"Dad.."  
  
Caleb quickly backtracked  
  
"Kiki, I'm not trying to start anything. I know that if you hadn't married Sandy, Seth wouldn't be here and you probably wouldn't be working with me. So if that's the trade-off then, I think you picked a good man..But don't you ever tell that husband of yours that I said that.."  
  
Kirsten allowed herself a smile  
  
"Your secret's safe with me dad."  
  
Sandy's brain had been going a mile a minute. The police had just left. They questioned Seth repeatedly about the accident. The officers said there might be charges pending against the driver of the Range Rover..Ryan.. Sandy tried to wrap his head around that piece of information. If Seth was right about Ryan being sober that night, what grounds did they have to charge Ryan? The police had said the initial investigation showed that the pick-up truck had run a red light and plowed into the Rover...a witness confirmed that fact, so..  
  
"Shit.."  
  
Sandy mentally kicked himself in the head. Julie Cooper must have been behind this, using what little influence she thought she had to steer this investigation to make it seem like Ryan was at fault. Sandy could not believe that Julie would stoop that low. If she spun that scenario to Caleb, because of course Caleb would have gone to see Julie after his visit with Seth who knows what would happen. Sandy decided that if Julie wanted a down and dirty street brawl, he'd be only too happy to give it to her. 


	2. chapter two

I've taken the baton from JZzRrgRl13 and I'm going to run with it. I don't own the characters so don't sue. The Canadian dollar isn't worth much. All Canadian spelling rules apply so don't worry about the extra vowels.  
  
Not so Happy New Year!  
  
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.."Happy New Year!!!!!" Marissa planted a sloppy kiss on Ryan. He grinned and kissed her back. Maybe this would be a happy new year after all. Marissa left Ryan's arms and ran to Summer and gave her a big hug.  
  
Seth stumbled over to Ryan and held out his fist.  
  
"Happy new year bro!" Ryan tapped Seth's fist with his own and replied "Yeah, maybe it will be. It has to be an improvement over last year."  
  
"Dude.don't go getting all broody with me, this is a party..a party at Summer's place.a party at Summer's place that I'm invited to.a party at Summer's place that she's glad I'm here, so that is one improvement over last year. Another improvement is that I'm not watching Dick Clark by myself and getting wasted on the Mogan David Dad has stashed away for Grandma Cohen. But the biggest improvement is that you're here with me..I knew if I begged hard enough I'd get a brother for Chrismukkah."  
  
Ryan looked at Seth dubiously. "Don't you ever take a breath?" Ryan's grin returned. "Lucky for me you didn't ask for a puppy.but we really should go. We gotta get home before your parents do so they won't see how wasted you are.give me the keys."  
  
Seth held the keys over his head. "No way dude, you're probably just as wasted as me, so if someone's going to get into trouble it'll be me."  
  
Ryan grabbed the keys before Seth could even focus on Ryan's hand. "I haven't been drinking. Too many memories of a drunk mom and her equally shit-faced boyfriends." For once, Seth had nothing to say.  
  
"I guess you do breathe..you just have to not know what to say" Ryan said, gently cuffing Seth on the side of the head. "We need to grab Marissa, she's staying at her Mom's place tonight and Mrs. Cooper'll have my ass if Marissa is too late."  
  
It was Seth's turn to grin. " I just had one awful vision of what that might entail so I guess the only thing left to say is "Home James!'  
  
After finally setting Marissa in the front seat of the Cohen's Range Rover, Seth and Ryan climbed into the back passenger seat and the driver's seat respectively.  
  
"Okay kiddies, seat belts on.I don't need any reasons for the cops to pull us over so behave!" Ryan leaned over the passenger seat and pulled on Marissa's seat belt making sure it was snug as he did it up. He turned and fastened his own before turning to Seth.  
  
Before Ryan could say anything, Seth smirked and said "Okay Mom, I'm all safe now."  
  
Ryan started the vehicle and slowly pulled out of Summer's driveway. He turned on the radio. The Smashing Pumpkins came on with their song "Age of Innocence". It was Ryan's turn to smirk as he remembered that he hadn't been innocent in a long time. Seth had passed out in the back seat. Ryan was hoping he could dump Seth in his bed before Kirsten and Sandy got home. "Lonely Road of Faith" by Kid Rock came over the airwaves. A year ago Ryan wouldn't have known Kid Rock from Kid'n'Play. Thanks to a crash course in music from Seth and Marissa, he'd expanded his music knowledge to include rock and alternative as well as the classical stuff he'd listened to in the public library day after day instead of going to classes at Chino Hills.  
  
Marissa started singing to the radio in some unknown musical key.  
  
"Up and down that lonely road of faith. I have been there. I'm prepared for the storms and tides that rise. I've realized one thing, how much I love you."  
  
Ryan glanced at Marissa just as a red pick-up truck came barreling through a red light smashing into the Rover on the driver's side. Marissa's screams were muffled by the deployment of the airbags. The force of the collision sent the Rover careening into a blue jeep on the opposite side of the intersection. The driver of the jeep braced himself for impact as his airbag exploded in his face. The sound of crunching metal and smashing glass echoed through the still night. After the initial roar of the crash, the silence was almost deafening. The driver of the jeep extricated himself and took in the scene that awaited him.  
  
The Range Rover was lying upside down . the only sound coming from it was the Onstar System asking if everything was alright because they had received a signal that the airbags had deployed. Before he had a chance to grab his cell phone, he saw two teenage boys staggering out of the pick-up truck. Any concern he had for them vanished as soon as he heard them giggle at the sight of the destruction they caused.  
  
The man grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. He fought to keep his voice calm as he spoke to the operator. "There's been a car accident in the intersection of Grove and Blair. I'm walking over to the other car now but I can't see inside. It's on its roof. I don't know how many people are inside. Please hurry..Yeah, I think I'm okay.I'll stay on the line."  
  
Sirens could be heard in the distance. The man looked over to the pick up truck and saw that the teenagers had fled. He made his way to the Rover and bent down. He could just barely make out three bodies inside.  
  
"I think there are three people inside.they're not moving..no. no. I don't think the car is going to explode.Yeah, the fire department is here now.yeah, I'll let them check me out..Thanks".  
  
With that the man met up with a police officer and proceeded to tell the officer what he saw happen.  
  
Fire and rescue surrounded the Rover and were quickly assessing the situation. They were able to open the passenger side door. Marissa's face was pale and bruises had started to form around her eyes from the airbag. She turned to look at the fireman. He gently smiled at her.  
  
"Hey sweetie" he said softly, "Can you tell me where it hurts?" Marissa stammered. "Mmm-my arm hurts an-an-and my chest hurts." The firefighter flashes a small light in her eyes and asks Marissa her name.  
  
"Mmmm-Mariss-sss-a Coo-Cooper...Ryan!...S-S-Seth! Wh-where are they?"  
  
The firefighter gently shushed her and told her that they were being taken care of. The firefighter then called for a neck-brace and backboard and told Marissa that they were going to get her out of there.  
  
A female paramedic was looking after Seth. Seth had no visible signs of injury other than a split lip from the impact into the head rest of front seat. He was however, unconscious. After a neck-brace was put on him, he was carefully lifted out and placed on a backboard. The paramedic shined a small pen light in his eyes and spoke to a doctor over the radio.  
  
"HOAG, I have a male victim, approximately 17 years of age, pupils equal and reactive, bp 130 over 90, respiration 35 and shallow, LOC on scene, ready for transport."  
  
Seth and Marissa were loaded up into the ambulance. Sirens blared as the ambulance sped off.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy unlocked the front door of their spacious home. They were surprised that the lights were off and no lights were on in the pool house. A quick check told them that the boys hadn't arrived home yet. Kirsten looked perturbed .  
  
"This time you're playing bad cop and you better ground the two of them until they're 21."  
  
Sandy laughed "you want me to play the enforcer, but you're going to tell me how to do it.."  
  
The phone ringing interrupted that statement. "It's probably the boys now." Sandy picked up the phone. His face fell as the Onstar representative told him that the air bags had deployed on the Rover and that there had been no response from the driver. The representative told Sandy that fire and rescue had been dispatched and that they would keep him posted. Sandy thanked the rep and slowly brought the phone down.  
  
"Sandy.what's wrong..what happened...where's Seth and Ryan.?" Kirsten's panicked voice asked.  
  
Before he had a chance to answer, the phone rang again.  
  
"Sandy Cohen" he said, fighting to keep the panic out of his voice. "How bad is it...? Are they okay.? Where did you take them.? Yes, we'll be right there." At that Sandy hung up the phone and faced Kirsten.  
  
"There's been an accident.the boys are at HOAG."  
  
"How bad is it?" Kirsten asked, her own sense of panic threatening to overtake her.  
  
Sandy looked grim. "They couldn't give me any information over the phone. We have to go ..now.."  
  
The ride to the hospital was silent as Kirsten and Sandy both prayed and bargained with God and prayed some more.  
  
It had been over an hour since Seth and Marissa were taken to the hospital. The firefighters had just finished extricating Ryan from the Range Rover. They quickly placed a neck brace around him, strapped him to a backboard and loaded him onto a gurney.  
  
"HOAG we have a third victim from the MVA at Grove and Blair. Pulse is weak and thready, bp is 80 over 60 and respirations are shallow and laboured. We're doing a scoop and run. Have trauma ready. Over."  
  
The paramedic said a prayer of her own as the young man on the stretcher reminded her of her own son.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten ran from the parking lot to the emergency room asking the nurse for information on Seth's and Ryan's condition. The nurse assured them that the doctor would be out in a few moments and motioned for them to sit in the waiting room. They held on to each other not speaking as they waited for what seemed forever for the doctor to come out. After what seemed to be the longest 30 minutes of their lives, a doctor approached the nurses station and then proceeded towards them. Kirsten and Sandy stood up.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I'm Dr. Sanchez. I've examined your son and his friend and I'm happy to say that their injuries are not life threatening. "Thank God." the Cohens said simultaneously. "Can we see them?"  
  
"We'll be keeping them overnight for observation. Your son Seth has a mild concussion and some superficial lacerations. His friend Marissa sustained a broken ulna and some facial bruising..Her parents have been notified and should be here shortly."  
  
Dr. Sanchez turned to go when Sandy grabbed his arm.  
  
"What about the other boy who would've been with them..Atwood.Ryan Atwood."  
  
Dr. Sanchez looked puzzled and returned to the nurses desk and returned a few moments later.  
  
"Paramedics are bringing in a third victim from the accident.male.approximately 17 years old. His condition is unknown at this time but he should be here any minute."  
  
Just as Dr. Sanchez finished speaking, the doors from the ambulance bay flew open and the paramedic started speaking. Dr. Sanchez ran with the gurney into the trauma room.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten stood paralyzed with fear. At that moment Julie and Jimmy Cooper ran into the emergency room and over to Kirsten and Sandy.  
  
"Where's Marissa..where's my baby" Julie yelled.  
  
"Julie, please, calm down..Marissa's going to be fine." Kirsten spoke gently to Julie hoping to calm her down.  
  
"Jimmy, the doctor said she broke her arm, but she'll be fine."  
  
Before Jimmy could respond, Julie turned to Sandy and spat.  
  
"This is all Ryan's fault. He's been nothing but trouble since you brought him into this community. It's his fault Marissa almost died in Tijuana and it's his fault she almost died tonight. I will do whatever it takes to get rid of.."  
  
Julie was unable to finish her vitriolic rambling. Dr. Sanchez came out of the trauma room and hurried over to Kirsten and Sandy.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, we've had to rush Ryan up to surgery. As far as we can tell he's bleeding into his abdomen. He also sustained head trauma that they'll take care of upstairs. That's all I can tell you right now, but I'll keep you posted."  
  
With that Dr. Sanchez left to go back into the trauma room, leaving a speechless Sandy and Kirsten.  
  
"Oh no..please God..no.." Kirsten stumbled into Sandy's arms. Sandy's face was uncomprehending of the information Dr. Sanchez gave them.  
  
"Serves that little delinquent right." Julie hissed before Jimmy could silence her. Jimmy spun Julie around.  
  
"How dare you say that.Ryan is seriously hurt.Be glad that Marissa's alright and that we can see her, but don't you dare say that Ryan deserved this."  
  
Jimmy's voice barely hid his rage at his ex-wife's callousness. He grabbed Julie and mumbled an apology to a shocked Sandy and Kirsten.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy stood there is shocked silence, not able to comprehend Julies cruelty. Jimmy had taken Julie to the nurses desk and came back quickly with a slip of paper, wisely making Julie wait at the desk.  
  
"Here's Seth's room number...I'll be thinking of you and keeping Ryan in my prayers. He's a good kid.you know it and I know it."  
  
With that, Jimmy gave Kirsten a quick hug and squeezed Sandy's arm. He was none to gentle when he took Julie by the arm and led her to Marissa's room.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten hugged each other.  
  
"He'll be okay.he's strong and he's a fighter. He'll pull through.he will."  
  
Sandy wasn't sure who he was trying to convince but he held onto that thought. Ryan was as much a part of their family as Seth was. They had two sons. Two sons who needed them.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten made their way to Seth's room. Walking quietly through the door they saw Seth lying with his eyes closed on the bed.  
  
Kirsten took Seth's hand. As she did Seth slowly opened his swollen eyes. Bruises were starting to darken on his face.  
  
"Hey baby.." Kirsten said, gently stroking Seth's hand.  
  
"Mmmom.Dddad..it's.o-okay...I'm o-okay...ex-ex-except that I-I-I see f-f- four of you."  
  
"Sh-sh-sh" intoned Sandy. "You've got a slight concussion but you're going to be fine. It's alright..you're okay.."  
  
"Dad..Wh-where's Ryan.is-is he okay? H-h-how's Marissa.."  
  
Sandy shot Kirsten a glance. Kirsten held Seth's hand a little tighter.  
  
"Baby, Marissa's fine. She broke her arm, but she's okay. Jimmy and Julie are with her now..."  
  
Kirsten didn't say anything else. Seth looked at his mom and then his dad.  
  
"Dad, what aren't you telling me...wh-wh-where's Ryan?!" Seth's voice began to rise in panic.  
  
"Seth.please calm down.you have to stay calm..Ryan is..Ryan is."  
  
"Honey, Ryan is in surgery right now." Kirsten finished for Sandy." The doctor will come and find us as soon as he's out of surgery." Kirsten had slipped into confident business woman mode as she struggled with her own fears. She silently thanked God for Seth being okay and sent up another prayer for Ryan's recovery.  
  
Sandy found his voice again and found strength in Kirsten's calmness.  
  
"Seth, you need to rest. Your Mom and I will be right here with you. As soon as the doctors tell us anything, we'll wake you up.okay.just rest..close your eyes... it'll all be okay.."  
  
Sandy's voice grew softer as Seth's eyes closed. He sat beside Kirsten. Kirsten lay her head on Sandy's shoulder as they sat in silence and waited. 


	3. chapter three

Chapter two  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue, please be gentle. Thanks to jZzRgRl13 for her story idea and for all reviews. Canadian spelling rules apply.  
  
January 1, 2004.  
  
11am  
  
Time used to pass incredibly quickly during the busy lives of Kirsten and Sandy Cohen. 12 hour days were considered the norm for a real estate developer and an attorney. Now they both understood too well what the phrase "time stood still" meant.  
  
It had been nearly 10 hours since they received the first phone call from the Onstar representative and 9 hours since Ryan was rushed into surgery. The last update on his condition was 2 hours ago when a nurse came to see them in Seth's room and informed them that Ryan was still in surgery and he seemed to be holding his own. No other information would be forthcoming until the surgery was completed.  
  
Seth had been drifting in and out of consciousness for the last few hours, calling out for his parents and Ryan.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten sat quietly, each to numb to move, except to comfort Seth during his brief times of lucidity.  
  
Seth opened eyes again, this time they were clear and alert.  
  
"Hey Sweetie" Kirsten said softly "How are you feeling?"  
  
Seth swallowed and blinked. "Where's Ryan..Is he okay?"  
  
Sandy leaned over and gently ran his hand through Seth's hair.  
  
"Dad.what is it.what aren't you and Mom telling me?"  
  
Before Sandy could speak, Kirsten quickly explained that Ryan was still in surgery.  
  
"What time is it?.....How long has he been in surgery?...What's taking so long?.."  
  
Seth's words tumbled out, his mind racing, his head pounding.  
  
"Seth, buddy.please calm down." Sandy said, forcing himself to stay calm, trying to reassure his son. "We should know something soon..c'mon, lie back and relax."  
  
Seth lay back down, dizziness washing over him as he fought the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him.  
  
Kirsten spoke to Seth in hushed tones, trying to calm her son.  
  
"Everything will be okay Seth, it's all okay..everything's good..Ryan'll be okay..we'll hear something soon."  
  
This became Kirsten's mantra, repeating it over and over until Seth had fallen back asleep.  
  
A nurse came in and smiled at Kirsten and Sandy.  
  
"I'm here to check on Seth; to make sure he's doing okay."  
  
After saying that, the nurse quickly checked Seth's pulse and blood pressure and frowned.  
  
"Your sons' blood pressure is slightly elevated" the nurse stated as she gently lifted Seth's eyelids one at a time and shone a light in them. "But everything else looks good" The nurse looked at Kirsten and Sandy. "The doctor will come in and check him again before he releases Seth."  
  
A mix of relief and concern are etched on to the Cohen's faces.  
  
"Is there any word on our other son Ryan?" Sandy asks quietly.  
  
The nurse hesitates before answering.  
  
"I don't really have any information but I do know that Ryan is almost out of surgery and his doctor will be here to see you soon. I wish I had more news for you, but that's all I can tell you right now."  
  
Sandy nodded and after an awkward moment the nurse left.  
  
Kirsten stood up and started pacing in the small room. She looked exhausted. Sandy was running on fumes and they were both walking an emotional tightrope. Just then a doctor entered the room.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I'm Dr. Michaels. I was one of the surgeons that worked on Ryan."  
  
"How is he?...We need to see him." Kirsten said, the fear and panic escalating in her voice.  
  
Sandy moved to Kirsten's side and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.  
  
Dr. Michaels continued.  
  
"Ryan sustained a fractured skull as well as broken ribs and a punctured lung. We also had to repair a laceration on his liver. That was one of the reasons surgery took so long. We had to put a shunt in his skull to drain excess fluid from around his brain and to keep the swelling down."  
  
Dr Michaels took a quick breath before speaking again.  
  
"Ryan's in the Critical Care Unit right now. We had to put him in a drug induced coma. Hopefully that will help his body heal. You will be able to see him in about 15 minutes. I'm going to check on him now and I'll explain his treatment and care further when you get to the unit."  
  
Sandy and Kirsten stood there in stunned silence.  
  
Dr. Michaels turned to go, but before he did he offered the Cohen's a little reassurance.  
  
"Ryan made it through surgery without any major complications. He's a strong kid. If he gets through the next 48 hours, he should make a complete recovery."  
  
With that said, Dr. Michaels quietly left the room.  
  
A sob caught in Kirsten's throat as Sandy held her tight, fighting to keep his own tears back.  
  
"Ryan will be okay..Ryan will be okay...Ryan will be okay..."  
  
It had been nearly 36 hours since either Sandy or Kirsten had any sleep. The promise of a new year had been shattered and the fragments of hope lay in a bed in the CCU. After a brief visit by the two of them, Kirsten returned to Seth's room to stay with him until he woke up again. Sandy sat in a chair beside Ryan's bed watching the monitors and listening to the repetitive beeping of the heart monitor. The whooshing sound of the ventilator and the gurgling of the vacuum pump purging Ryan's chest cavity of air leaking from his punctured lung sounded like a maudlin chorus. Ryan's eyes had been taped shut. Sandy thought that step was unnecessary because Ryan's eyes were dark and swollen and Sandy doubted the boy would even be able to open them if he were to wake up at that moment. Sandy gently held Ryan's hand and let himself drift off to sleep.  
  
Seth had woken up again, this time he was determined to stay awake and get some answers. Kirsten told him what Dr. Michaels had told them. Seth of course, wanted to see Ryan for himself.  
  
"Seth, honey, the doctor just has to check you over and then he'll sign your release. You're going to need to stay in bed for a few days and most of all stay calm." Kirsten put her hands on her son's shoulders.  
  
"Mom, I need to see Ryan..I need to be there for him.Mom.please."  
  
Seth's voice sounded tired, yet resolute.  
  
Kirsten allowed herself a small smile.  
  
"Honey, as soon as you're released I'll take you down to see him for a few minutes, but then I'll take you home. You need to get your strength back if you're going to be there for Ryan."  
  
Seth matched his mother's small smile with one of his own.  
  
"Okay, you're the boss until Ryan and I can stage a coup and regain our power over you and Dad."  
  
This time, Kirsten's smile was genuine as she realized that Seth was not only out of danger, but well on his way to recovery.  
  
Kirsten wheeled Seth down to the CCU. After conferring with the nurses she opened the door to the unit and steered Seth over to Ryan's bed. Sandy was still asleep in the chair and a nurse was writing information down on Ryan's chart. She smiled at Kirsten.  
  
"Your son is holding his own. His vitals are stable and we have a strong heartbeat. Your husband on the other hand seems down for the count. It's been a long night for the both of you."  
  
Kirsten nodded in agreement.  
  
"Seth and I needed to see Ryan before I take Seth home and put him in his bed. Is Ryan really doing okay?....He looks so..so.."  
  
Kirsten is unable to finish her sentence, her eyes locked on Ryan's battered body, lying still and pale in the bed. He looked so small and so much younger than his 17 years. Kirsten felt her heart breaking but kept her emotions in check for the sake of her other son. Since Ryan had entered their lives the thought of having 2 sons just seemed so natural. She may not have given birth to Ryan or seen his first steps or any other milestones, but he was her son just as Seth was. Kirsten put her hands on Seth's shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze.  
  
"He'll be okay Seth.Ryan will get better."  
  
Kirsten choked back a sob, determined to stay strong for her family. She walked over to Sandy and gave him a gently kiss on the cheek. She wanted to do the same for Ryan but was afraid of hurting him. His face was so bruised and swollen it was unrecognizable. Seth looked at his best friend, his brother, his partner in crime. Tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to believe his mother's words.  
  
"He'll be okay Seth.Ryan will get better."  
  
When Sandy woke up it was nearly 10 pm. His body ached from the awkward sleeping position. The sounds of medical machinery reminded him that events of the last day and a half wasn't a dream. It was all too real. As his eyes focused, Sandy realized that Dr. Michaels was in the room checking on Ryan.  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you. I'm making my rounds. Ryan's stable. If he stays that way we can start weaning him off the meds keeping him in the coma."  
  
Sandy was now fully awake as he absorbed what Dr. Michaels said to him.  
  
"We released Seth earlier and he went home with your wife. Maybe you should go home too and get some rest. We'll let you know if there's any change in Ryan's condition."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"Thanks doctor, but I'm not leaving Ryan alone. He needs us to be here. I'll go home tomorrow morning when my wife comes. Kirsten won't want Ryan to be left alone either."  
  
Doctor Michaels nodded and quietly left the room. Sandy stood up and stretched. He leaned in closer to Ryan. He gently touched Ryan's hand.  
  
"It's okay Ryan, I'm here with you.you're not alone. Kirsten will be here soon, and so will Seth. He's okay and needs you to wake up. We won't leave you..We're here for you. 


	4. chapter four

Loving the reviews! Thanks to all! Still don't own the characters, never will, can't afford them, Canadian loonie (dollar) is only worth 63 cents U.S. Canadian spelling rules apply!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Caleb settled into the chair and crossed his arms. He'd sent Kirsten home at 9:30 pm. She agreed to go home only because Caleb said he would sit with Ryan overnight. The rhythmic sound of the medical machinery had lulled him into a light sleep. He got used to the nursing staff coming in and out and didn't even open his eyes when they did.  
  
Saturday January 3  
  
It was 8am when the doctors came in for their rounds. Caleb had acquainted himself with Ryan's medical chart the evening before. When a nurse asked what he was doing, Caleb was very emphatic that as Ryan's "grandfather" he had every right to know his "grandson's" condition.  
  
Caleb had mulled the words "Ryan's grandfather" over and over after the nurse left. Oddly, the phrase didn't bother him. He knew that Kirsten and Sandy considered Ryan their son, so he guessed that he would be the boy's grandfather. A slight smile crept to his face as he realized he'd just doubled his chances of having a grandson follow him in the family business.  
  
Caleb spoke to Dr. Michaels and Dr. Meyers after they'd finished examining Ryan. They seemed pleased that there had been no complications so far and they felt that they could soon start weaning Ryan off the drugs that kept him comatose.  
  
Caleb had extracted a promise from Dr. Meyers that he would call Sandy and Kirsten and inform them of Ryan's condition and their decision to try to bring him back to consciousness.  
  
Caleb sat back down in Ryan's room. He rubbed his eyes and picked up a magazine. He had just found an article worth reading when there was a knock on the door.  
  
A female police officer stepped into the CCU.  
  
"I'm looking for Mr. and Mrs. Cohen..."  
  
Caleb stood up.  
  
"I'm Caleb Nichol..They're not here yet..Can I help you?"  
  
I'm Officer Riley. I'm investigating the accident involving Seth Cohen, Ryan Atwood and Marissa Cooper on the morning of January 1."  
  
"Well as you can see, Mr. Atwood is in no condition to tell you anything."  
  
Caleb's eyes flickered towards Ryan and back to the officer.  
  
Officer Riley glanced at Ryan.  
  
"I'm actually here to speak to the doctors who treated Mr. Atwood the night he was brought in.."  
  
Caleb's voice turned icy.  
  
"You're here to find out if Ryan had been driving under the influence..I may not be a lawyer but I do know that you need a warrant to look at his medical records.."  
  
Officer Riley was not intimidated by Caleb.  
  
"A complaint has been filed against Mr. Atwood..I'm just gathering information pertinent to the case."  
  
"A complaint was filed..?" Caleb interrupted  
  
"By whom..?"  
  
Even as Caleb asked the question, he knew the answer to it.  
  
"I'm not at liberty to divulge that information. A complaint was made and the police department is required to investigate." The officer stated evenly.  
  
"What will it take to make this go away.?" Caleb asked without any emotion.  
  
The officer was taken aback.  
  
"I beg your pardon.?"  
  
Caleb picked up Ryan's medical chart from the end of the bed and flipped a few pages.  
  
"Here are the results of the blood alcohol tests and the drug screens. As you can see they're both negative."  
  
Officer Riley read the charts.  
  
"I trust that this should resolve the issue of fault..? Have you found the owner of the truck that hit my grandsons and their friend?"  
  
Caleb's voice was flat.  
  
The police officer met Caleb's eyes.  
  
"The investigation is on going Mr. Nichol. Once the information on Ryan's medical chart has been confirmed the complaint against him will be discharged. I will still need to speak with Ryan when he's awake.."  
  
"What the hell is going on..?" Sandy didn't even try to hide the annoyance in his voice.  
  
"I thought I made it clear that Ryan isn't able to answer any questions."  
  
Officer Riley shifted her focus from Caleb to Sandy.  
  
"I'm finished here. I trust you will contact me as soon as Ryan is awake."  
  
She held out a card with the number of the police station.  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"I still have the one you gave me yesterday.."  
  
"Then I'll leave now. I'll keep you informed on the progress of this case.  
  
Caleb left the hospital unsure of what to do next. He was not a man ruled by his emotions but the last 13 hours had taken their toll. He pulled into a small bistro to regroup.  
  
Kirsten and Seth came to visit Ryan and Sandy that afternoon. The bruises on Seth's face were starting to take on a greenish tinge and his headache had faded into the background re-appearing only when he was tired.  
  
Seth sat in the chair next to Ryan's bed, speaking to him in a quiet voice.  
  
"Dude...I need you to wake up..Dad's killing me in Troll Quest..Forget about the trolls..he's killing my guys...It's getting so bad at home we watched a hockey game last night...Hockey!...It's like the national sport of Chechnya or Canada...at least someplace where there's snow and where the seasons change on a daily basis..C'mon Ryan...hang tough..You wake up and we can get you out of here..Marissa's been asking about you..."  
  
The last statement was a lie. Julie Cooper had forbidden Marissa to have any visitors, keeping her sequestered from her friends and her father.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy met with Dr. Meyers. He explained that they were going to start weaning Ryan off the sedatives in the next day or so. There seemed to be no more excess fluid accumulating in his skull so they would remove the shunt. They'd scheduled an MRI for his liver the next morning. The hope was that as Ryan regained consciousness they could remove the respirator. His vital signs were steady and Dr. Meyers was hopeful that Ryan would start to wake up within the next 24 hours.  
  
Before Sandy took Seth home they stopped at a restaurant for dinner. Seth looked pale and tired as he picked at his food.  
  
"Dad.."  
  
Sandy stopped pushing his food around his plate and looked at his son.  
  
"What if Ryan doesn't wake up...I mean he's not even breathing by himself...What if he never gets better..?"  
  
Sandy reached for his son's hand.  
  
"Seth, I believe that Ryan will get better.that he will wake up.They're not just words.I believe that he will get better, but his recovery is going to take time.."  
  
"But what if he's not.you know...Ryan..?"  
  
Sandy squeezed Seth's had tighter.  
  
"Look, Dr. Meyers told me that the swelling in Ryan's brain had gone down, his CAT scan showed that there was no bleeding and that his brain was functioning. They're going to take the shunt out tomorrow morning..Those are all positive things.."  
  
Tears started to well up in Seth's eyes.  
  
"Seth trust me..it's going to be fine.Ryan'll wake up in a day or so and he'll be home before you know it. You have to stay strong..you're not going to help him if you make yourself sick..Let's finish up and go home...You can get some sleep. Ryan's going to need us strong to help him get better.."  
  
Sunday, January 4  
  
Kirsten spent a fitful night curled up on the chair beside Ryan's bed. 5 years of Ashtanga yoga had given her amazing arms but her back still got stiff from slouching in a chair for 8 hours. As she stood up and stretched, Dr. Michaels entered the room.  
  
"Good morning Mrs. Cohen. Those chairs are not the most comfortable things to sleep on. We do have a family room you can use at night if you don't want to go home."  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"Thank you, but one of the nursing staff told us about it the first night we were here. We didn't want Ryan to be alone."  
  
Dr. Michaels continued talking as he checked Ryan's blood pressure.  
  
"It's not always this quiet in CCU. Usually we have more than 1 patient in here..Anyway.we'll be taking Ryan down for an MRI and make sure that his liver is healing the way it should be. There seems to be no sign of infection at the incision site. Once that's done we'll remove the shunt, stitch him up and he'll be back here in about 90 minutes.Do you have any questions?"  
  
Kirsten nodded.  
  
"When are you going to start taking him off the sedatives? It's been 4 days now..It can't be good for him..?"  
  
Dr. Michaels looked at Kirsten.  
  
"The sedatives serve 2 purposes. First of all it helps the body heal when there has been this much trauma. It keeps excess strain from being placed on it. Keeping Ryan still actually made it easier for his brain to stop swelling and his punctured lung to heal. The ventilator regulated his breathing, keeping it steady."  
  
Dr. Michaels took a breath before continuing.  
  
"The second purpose is to help with pain management. Ryan's injuries are very severe. He would be in a lot of pain the last 4 days if he were conscious. We might not have been able to manage it using traditional pain meds. As we bring him out of sedation we'll be using some strong medication through his I.V. We should be able to manage any pain that way."  
  
Before Dr. Michaels could say anymore, 2 porters entered the room to take Ryan down for his MRI. Dr. Michaels nodded curtly to Kirsten and followed the porters out.  
  
Kirsten called Sandy and let him know what was going on. Sandy said he'd be at the hospital in a few hours. Seth was still sleeping and Sandy was grateful that it seemed to be a sound, restful sleep.  
  
It was nearly 11am when Ryan was wheeled back into the CCU. The shunt was gone as well as the chest tube. The nurse who was supervising the porters smiled at Kirsten.  
  
"Ryan did really well. Dr. Michaels will be in shortly to talk to you about the next step, but I can tell you that his liver is healing nicely and we were able to take the chest tube out as well as the shunt. We left the central I.V. line in for the time being, but we should be able to remove that and replace it with one in his hand soon."  
  
Kirsten looked down at Ryan, gently stroking the side of his face.  
  
"The swelling seems to have gone down a little." she murmured.  
  
The nurse put her hand on Kirsten's shoulder.  
  
"He's a fighter.."  
  
Before the nurse could say anymore, Caleb Nichol strode into the unit.  
  
"Dad..what are you doing here..?"  
  
Caleb looked at his daughter.  
  
"Why shouldn't I be here? I just came from your house. I checked in on Seth..He's still asleep. I thought I'd sit with Ryan for a little while...let you and that husband of yours get re-acquainted."  
  
Kirsten looked shocked.  
  
"Are you sure Dad..I mean.."  
  
Caleb cut her off.  
  
"I helped raise you and your sister..I think I can handle a sleeping boy...You need to be with Seth and what's his name.."  
  
"Dad." Kirsten warned.  
  
Caleb ignored the warning.  
  
"I've got a load of contracts to look over. I can do that here. I don't think Ryan will be up for a rousing game of Jenga just yet, so it doesn't matter if I work here or at the office. I'll call you if there's any change in his condition."  
  
Kirsten had a rebuttal all lined up but then realized that she could argue with her father but in the end she'd still end up going home, so she'd just skip the argument and go.  
  
"Thanks Dad..I'll be back this evening and yes, I will have a nap and something to eat."  
  
"Just don't cook it yourself Kiki.."  
  
There was absolutely no hint of humour in Caleb's voice. Kirsten shot him a glare before giving her dad a hug and Ryan a gentle kiss on his forehead.  
  
Kirsten met with Dr. Michaels in the hallway. He explained that they had started lowering the dosage of sedatives so if all went well, Ryan could regain consciousness within the next 24 hours. 


	5. chapter five

Okay, the usual disclaimers apply. Canadian spelling, eh. Thanks for the kind words. You guys rock. To the powers that be...I have no money. I'm not making any money off this and yadda yadda yadda.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Caleb got up and stretched. If anything could make him feel his age, sitting in that chair for the last 8 hours was it. He walked over to Ryan's bed and studied him carefully. He looked beyond the bruising on Ryan's face. Caleb was looking for something deeper. Something about Ryan that would make his mother dump him like last weeks garbage. As overbearing and even heartless as he could be at times, family was still his number 0ne priority. Looking down, he noticed that Ryan's right arm had escaped the accident relatively unscathed.  
  
A small round scar caught his eye. Caleb looked at his own forearm. An almost identical sized scar was just barely visible. All of his childhood friends had one. The proud branding from a "wuss" test. But there was something else..There wasn't just one of those marks. Little round scars dotted the boy's arm. Some looked like they were years old..not quite as noticeable. Others were darker.. more pronounced..more recent. Caleb gingerly lifted the short sleeve of Ryan's hospital gown to see how far the scars went. He closed his eyes and lowered the sleeve...He knew there'd be a matching set on the boy's other arm.  
  
Caleb was just about to return to his seat when he noticed Ryan's right hand had twitched, followed by a slight movement of head.  
  
Caleb reached over and pressed the call button, asking for a nurse.  
  
He looked back down at Ryan.  
  
Ryan's hand was slowly moving towards the ventilator.  
  
"Ryan...don't..."  
  
Caleb gently moved Ryan's hand back down.  
  
"It's okay.."  
  
A nurse quickly entered the room. Caleb looked at her." I think he's starting to come around..."  
  
The nurse reached over and pressed the intercom.  
  
"..Yes, Denise, could you please page Dr. Meyer stat."  
  
Dr. Meyers strode into the unit. Caleb was asked to leave for a few minutes. He used that time to quickly call Sandy and Kirsten.  
  
Kirsten fought to stay calm as Caleb told her the news. She stated that she and Sandy would be there right away.  
  
Dr. Meyers motioned for Caleb to come back into the unit. Before Caleb could ask it, Dr. Meyers answered his question.  
  
"It looks like Ryan is starting to wake up. It'll still take some time before he's fully conscious. We'd like to try to remove the breathing tube now. If he wakes up more, he could fight the ventilator and damage his esophagus."  
  
Caleb tried to enter the room.  
  
Dr. Meyers shook his head. I can't let you in the room while we remove the tube.."  
  
Caleb pulled himself up to his best "I'm Caleb Nichol" stance and was about to argue that decision when Dr. Meyers continued.  
  
"Taking Ryan off a respirator isn't going to be the easiest thing to watch. He's going to struggle to breathe. It's going to sound like he's choking for a minute or so. We may not be successful at removing the tube and we might have to re-insert it and try again later...I'll let you know when we're finished.."  
  
Dr. Meyers had just returned into Ryan's room when Caleb spotted Kirsten and Sandy running down the corridor.  
  
"Dad..How is he..?"  
  
Caleb stopped his daughter from entering the unit.  
  
"They're going to try to take Ryan off the respirator...They won't let us in..we have to wait out here..."  
  
Sandy held Kirsten in his arms.  
  
"It's okay..We'll see him soon..."  
  
Sandy was interrupted by the sound of Dr. Meyers voice and the unmistakable sounds of gagging.  
  
"C'mon Ryan..breathe...you can do it...in..out...c'mon buddy...RYAN! IN!......OUT!..... I don't want to put the tube back down your throat..Let's go...that's it...again...again...once more...keep going....okay..again..good..."  
  
Dr. Meyers voice faded.  
  
Kirsten's face was pale as she looked at Sandy.  
  
"Is Ryan..."  
  
Sandy nodded his head  
  
"It sounds like it.."  
  
Kirsten looked like she was going to storm the room when Dr. Meyers emerged.  
  
"Well..that was the hard part...the rest is up to Ryan...He's not out of the woods yet, but this is a good start."  
  
Sandy looked at Dr. Meyers.  
  
"Thank-you."  
  
Dr Meyers left. Kirsten, Sandy and Caleb went to Ryan's bedside. The ventilator was gone and in its place was a nasal canula under Ryan's nose. His breathing was ragged sounding but steady. It was one of the nicest sounds they'd heard in the last 4 days.  
  
Sandy returned home around midnight. He entered the house and heard sounds coming from the den. He walked in and saw Seth draped on the couch, watching...a hockey game..?  
  
"I thought you said you couldn't find any redeeming qualities in hockey.."  
  
Seth looked up at his dad.  
  
"Yeah, well..500 channels and this is all I could find. Like who names these teams...The Mighty Ducks..The Maple Leafs...I mean shouldn't it be 'leaves' and not 'leafs'? What's up with that..do they speak a whole different language in the great white north..Some secret code that us mere mortals are not meant to understand.?"  
  
Seth stopped his rant.  
  
"What is it.."  
  
Sandy had a sly smile on his face..His "I've got a secret" smile.  
  
"Dad...tell me.."  
  
Sandy walked over to the arm of the couch and sat dowm.  
  
"Dr. Meyers took the breathing tube out..Ryan's breathing on his own..It doesn't sound very pretty, but he's doing it. Your Grandfather said that Ryan moved his hand today.."  
  
Seth's face lit up and then he quickly frowned.  
  
"Why didn't you guys tell me earlier..I had no clue what was going on.."  
  
Sandy put his hand on Seth's shoulder.  
  
"I didn't want to get your hopes up.It was scary when they took the breathing tube out...We weren't allowed in the room when they removed it, but we could hear Dr. Meyers talking to Ryan..telling him to breathe..It took a little bit of coaxing but he did it.."  
  
Seth moved his shoulders in a seated "dance of happiness."  
  
"Is mom going to stay with Ryan tonight..?"  
  
Sandy smiled.  
  
"It's actually morning..You need to get some sleep."  
  
Seth yawned.  
  
"You too dad..."  
  
Monday, January 5.  
  
Sandy woke up to a ringing in his head. It took a moment to realize that it wasn't his head. Rolling over he picked up the phone.  
  
"Sandy Cohen.."  
  
"Sandy..it's Steve Jennings..Ryan's parole officer. We had an appointment this morning and he hasn't shown up yet."  
  
Sandy rubbed his eyes and sat up. He looked at the clock and realized it was 10am.  
  
"Yeah, uh, Steve..Ryan was in an accident on New Years Eve.  
  
Steve's voice was concerned.  
  
"How is he..?"  
  
Sandy sighed.  
  
"He's at HOAG in the CCU. It was a hit and run...Yeah, they've got the vehicle but no driver. The driver took off. You should be getting a copy of the police report."  
  
There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before Steve spoke again.  
  
You'll keep me posted to how he's doing.?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Steve tried to sound positive.  
  
"He's a good kid Sandy...I wish all the kids I dealt with were like him.."  
  
"Thanks for calling Steve."  
  
Sandy hung up the phone.  
  
He wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and wake up when this was all over, or better yet, go back to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.  
  
Seth padded into Sandy's bedroom.  
  
"Good morning sunshine.."  
  
Seth ignored the death rays shooting out of Sandy's eyes.  
  
"Can you drive me to see Mom and Ryan.."  
  
Sandy looked blankly at his son. Seth waved his hand in front of Sandy's face.  
  
"Dad..........head injury...concussion...can't drive for 2 weeks...any of this ring a bell.."  
  
Sandy's eyes came back into focus.  
  
"Yeah, sure Seth.give me a few minutes to get dressed...make some coffee...drink the coffee.."  
  
Seth flopped down beside his dad.  
  
"Coffee was made a couple of hours ago...You can chew it in the beamer.."  
  
Kirsten yawned and rubbed her eyes. She didn't sleep at all last night. She sat curled up in the chair and watched Ryan breathe. It had seemed to take forever for his breathing to even out and become a natural response as opposed to something forced and calculated.  
  
She leaned over to Ryan's bed and gently stroked his cheek, speaking softly.  
  
"Hey sleepy head..it's time to wake up...I think you've had a long enough nap...C'mon Ryan..."  
  
Just then, Ryan's body started shaking violently. He whimpered in pain. Kirsten frantically pressed the call button.  
  
"It's Ryan..He's in pain..please help him.."  
  
A nurse was there in an instant. She quickly drew a hypodermic needle and inserted it into Ryan's central I.V. After what seemed like an eternity, Ryan stopped whimpering and his body relaxed.  
  
Kirsten let out a breath. Her hands were trembling. The nurse put the needle in the collection box and then turned to Kirsten.  
  
"It's okay...we expected this. Dr. Meyers has a standing order for Demerol on demand..We won't let it get this bad again. He's okay..his pain should be gone now..I'll be back to check on him in half an hour."  
  
Kirsten nodded and thanked the nurse. The nursing staff had been wonderful and supportive, yet Kirsten couldn't remember any of their names. She was so worried about Ryan and Seth and was trying to hold her emotions together that names didn't register.  
  
She took a shaky breath and resumed stroking Ryan's cheek. She struggled to keep her voice low and steady.  
  
"You are not allowed to do that to me again young man...Between you and Seth I'm going to be completely grey haired before I know it...Speaking of Seth, he's going to be here any minute..Sandy said he's climbing the walls without you.."  
  
Kirsten heard the familiar jabbering in the hallway.  
  
"Seth's here now sweetie..I'm going to let you boys have some guy time.okay.."  
  
Kirsten gently lifted Ryan's left hand and kissed the back of it, nearly jumping out of her skin when Ryan's fingers wrapped around hers for a second before becoming limp.  
  
"Sandy...Seth...I think Ryan squeezed my fingers.."  
  
Kirsten had her first genuine smile in almost a week.  
  
"He's coming back to us.."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy had gone down to the cafeteria for some much needed lunch and a caffeine fix. Kirsten would bring Seth home after his visit with Ryan and Sandy would stay. He had his briefcase crammed with files but she doubted he'd even look at any of them.  
  
Seth sat at Ryan's bedside launching into a non-stop monologue extolling the virtues of Canadian television.  
  
"I'm telling you man...it's so funny...I've been watching Jeopardy in French..I know, I know it's a little minty but it can only help my AP French grades...They actually televise their parliament meetings...seriously dude, that's one of the funniest things to watch...and hockey..I'm just really starting to understand the appeal...I just don't get why they throw octopus on the ice...I don't know, maybe it's some weird Canadian custom.."  
  
Seth took a breath and continued.  
  
"You've got to wake up and save me from myself. It's like crack..or so I imagine crack would be like if I've ever done crack..which I haven't and never will, but I need you to wake up before I go over the deep end and turn into a babbling idiot.."  
  
At that point a nurse identifying herself as Denise came into the CCU followed by a plice officer.  
  
Seth stood up, recognizing the officer from a few nights ago.  
  
"Officer..Off...Officer Riley..."  
  
The police officer smiled at Seth..  
  
"Hi Seth, how is Ryan doing..?"  
  
"He's getting better...He's sort of the broody silent type so I don't think this is the best time to talk to him.."  
  
Officer Riley rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'm looking for your parents..I have some information for them.."  
  
Seth became serious.  
  
"What is it..is it about the investigation?"  
  
Officer Riley stepped back into police mode.  
  
"You'll have to ask them later..are they here.?"  
  
Seth nodded.  
  
"They're in the cafeteria.."  
  
The officer thanked Seth and left the room.  
  
Denise finished with Ryan and looked at Seth.  
  
"Your 10 minutes were up about 15 minutes ago, but since your parents are going to be busy for a little while, I'll just forget how long you've been in here.  
  
Seth was subdued as he thanked Denise. He sat back down in the chair and picked up a book from Ryan's bedside table. It was an older John Irving book. Seth knew that "A Prayer for Owen Meaney" was one of his mom's favourite books. He opened the book to where it was marked off and started reading aloud.  
  
Officer Riley walked into the cafeteria and spotted the Cohens sitting at a table. They both looked exhausted. She approached their table.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy looked up.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen...I have some news on the truck that crashed into your sons' vehicle. The truck hadn't been registered yet which is why it took us a little longer to find out who it belonged to..."  
  
Sandy stood up, his jaw tight.  
  
"Who...?"  
  
The police officer flipped her note pad.  
  
"Campbell,...Dr. Harold Campbell..."  
  
I borrowed the character of Dr. Harold Campbell from Keesha's story "Trust" It's a great story . Read it if you haven't already done so, re-read it if it's been a while. 


	6. chapter six

Any and all disclaimers apply; the usual ones, the unusual ones and some you've never even heard of. Dr. Campbell is borrowed from Keesha's story Trust. Thanks for all the reviews. It's been fun. Words such as neighbour, favour, harbour and colour all have extra vowels in them. I didn't spell them wrong. Oh yes, grey is spelled with an 'e'.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Sandy was stunned.  
  
"Harold Campbell...? Dr....our neighbour...? Are you sure...?"  
  
Kirsten took Sandy's hand and gently pulled him back to his seat.  
  
Officer Riley asked if she could sit down. Kirsten nodded. Sandy was still trying to process the information he was given.  
  
Officer Riley continued.  
  
"The truck was reported stolen around 5pm on New Years Day..."  
  
"Stolen..." Sandy interrupted, not hiding his disbelief.  
  
"However, our investigation is leading us in another direction. That is all I'm inclined to say at this time, but I wanted you both to know where the investigation stands.  
  
Kirsten held on to Sandy's hand.  
  
"Is there anything else...You've had confirmation of Ryan's blood work..?"  
  
Officer Riley looked through her note pad.  
  
"Yes...Ryan's blood work was confirmed.....There was no alcohol or drugs in his system. Your other son Seth and his friend Ms Cooper were both over the legal limit...which brings us to the next problem..."  
  
Sandy closed his eyes.  
  
"They're underage..."  
  
Officer Riley nodded.  
  
"I've spoken to the ADA and she's agreed that in light of Ryan's condition there may be more of a life lesson for Seth and his friend if they see the aftermath of drinking and driving first hand...I understand Ryan still has a long recovery ahead of him..?"  
  
Kirsten squeezed Sandy's hand and spoke.  
  
"He still hasn't woken up yet..but the doctor's are cautiously optimistic that will get better.."  
  
Officer Riley stood up.  
  
"I'll keep you informed of any new developments Mr. and Mrs. Cohen...Take care..."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy watched as the police officer left the cafeteria. Sandy let go of Kirsten's hand and clenched his fists.  
  
"Harold Campbell...! That pompous ass clown who said Ryan would ruin us.? That he'll amount to no good...? He was telling me a few weeks ago that he got a sweet deal on a new pick-up truck for Brad..They were going to give it to him for Christmas. That little son of a bitch was driving and Harold is trying to cover it up...Reporting the truck stolen...does he really think he'll get away with it..?"  
  
Seth had read 2 chapters of "A Prayer for Owen Meany" before he closed the book. While he could see why his mom liked the book, he thought it was a little too heavy and in depth for right now. He was about to resume his monologue on the intricacies of hockey when his parents came back into the room. His dad looked flushed and agitated, while his mom was doing her best to calm him down. Seth looked at his parents.  
  
"Dad..are you okay? What did officer.."  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"Seth honey...we'll talk about this on the way home, okay.."  
  
Kirsten gave Sandy a hug, whispering quietly in his ear. Sandy nodded and seemed to relax a little. She leaned over and gave Ryan a kiss on his forehead and told him she'd be back in the morning. Seth hugged his dad and told him to call later that evening.  
  
Sandy sat down and put his head in his hands. Any thought of looking at his case files was long gone. He looked up at Ryan. It could just have easily been Seth lying there or in the morgue..Ryan could be in the morgue..He could still end up there...Sandy fought to push those images out of his head. Leaning in closer to Ryan, he started to speak.  
  
"Hey buddy..it's time to wake up now. This little beauty rest of yours has gone on for too long and I gotta tell you Ryan..you're not getting any prettier, so you need to open your eyes and face the world..."  
  
A nurse came in and smiled at Sandy.  
  
"I'm here to check your son's vital signs and give him his pain meds.."  
  
Sandy nodded and watched her work. She took Ryan's temperature and blood pressure. The beeping of the heart monitor was steady. She changed the I.V. bag and then took a needle out of her pocket and injected it into the I.V. . She made some notations on Ryan's chart and then looked at Sandy.  
  
"His temperature is a little elevated, but that's to be expected. Everything else seems good..I'll be back to check on him..."  
  
"In half an hour..." Sandy finished for her.  
  
The nurse smiled  
  
"I think I need to change my routine a little.  
  
Sandy smiled back  
  
"Thank you for looking after Ryan.."  
  
Caleb glanced at the clock in his Jaguar.9:30pm. Julie Cooper had called him and asked him to come over. He had been avoiding her calls for the last couple of days.  
  
He knew that Julie's interest in him was strictly monetary. She wanted...needed to keep up her social status in Newport and latching on to him was one way she could maintain her lifestyle. She hadn't been an unpleasant diversion, but that was all she was..a warm body....  
  
Caleb would have been content with the relationship...hell..they were using each other but Julie crossed the line when she went after Ryan..she went after family...His family, and that was the beginning of her downfall.  
  
Julie was in top form that night, purring and draping herself all over Caleb. Marissa and Caitlyn were spending a few days at their father's apartment so Julie had the whole seduction scene kicked up to a new level.  
  
The sex was quick and unemotional. Caleb lay back on the pillows. Julie put her head on his shoulder and started to absently play with the hair on his chest.  
  
"Caleb, darling...I was wondering if you would be able to do me a favour.."  
  
This ought to be good, Caleb thought to himself.  
  
"Hmmmm?"  
  
Julie continued to entwine her fingers around his chest hair.  
  
"The mortgage on the house was due on the 2nd and Jimmy has not been taking care of the bills....I hate to ask , but could you help me out.I'm already a couple of months behind and like I said, Jimmy has been no help at all...I do need a safe and secure home for my girls...They would be devastated if we.. if we lost this house..."  
  
Caleb closed his eyes as he processed Julie's request. Her supposed lack of funds hadn't stopped her from her shopping sprees and the girls...well...Marissa didn't seem very happy here and Caitlyn was a spoiled brat....a miniature Julie who needed to learn that the world didn't revolve around her.  
  
He opened his eyes and smiled at Julie.  
  
"I'd be happy to take care of it..I'll call the bank in the morning."  
  
Sandy woke up with a start. Something didn't feel right. As his eyes focused, he saw a nurse leaning over Ryan. What was her name...Dianne..Doreen....Denise...? The fog evaporated from his brain as he heard her speak softly to Ryan.  
  
"Hey sweetie...it's about time you opened those baby blues..you've got a lot of people waiting for you to wake up..."  
  
Ryan was awake...?!  
  
Denise slowly raised the top of the bed and stepped back to get some ice chips. Sandy moved in closer.  
  
Ryan lay there, his eyes open, unblinking.  
  
Seth took Ryan's hand.  
  
"Hey Ryan..It's Sandy..."  
  
Sandy looked closely at Ryan's eyes. In the dim light he could see the blank look in the boy's eyes, but what startled him most was that the whites of Ryan's eyes were a dark shade of crimson. Sandy swallowed and continued speaking.  
  
"We've been waiting for you to wake up...Ryan..can you look at me..?"  
  
Ryan slowly moved his head towards Sandy.  
  
"Where's ...where's..Tr-Tr-Trey..?  
  
Ryan's voice was hoarse and scratchy sounding.  
  
Sandy tried to keep his voice low and soothing, not betraying the confusion he was feeling.  
  
"Ryan...Trey's not here..You and Seth had an accident...You're going to be okay now.."  
  
Denise came back with a cup of ice chips and spooned a few into Ryan's mouth. Ryan closed his eyes for a few seconds as the ice melted and then opened them again.  
  
"Trey..jail..? S-S-Seth okay...? M-m-m-mom gone..?  
  
Sandy studied Ryan's face.  
  
"Ryan..do you know who I am..?"  
  
Ryan's eyes started to close.  
  
"Law---yer...Trey..jail...Sandy home..Seth.."  
  
His voice trailed off and he fell asleep again.  
  
Dr. Michaels entered the room.  
  
Sandy stood up, not letting go of Ryan's hand.  
  
"I heard your son has woken up.."  
  
Sandy nodded his head.  
  
"He was confused..I know I should have expected this but it was like his past and his present were.."  
  
Dr. Michaels gently cut Sandy off.  
  
"With a head injury this severe, there is going to be some ambiguity in his memories. Ryan won't know what is past and what is present. His short term memory could be affected but I believe it will be temporary..I'm going to check him over...Why don't you get a cup of coffee and call your wife..let her know Ryan woke up. I'll come and see you when I'm finished."  
  
Sandy let go of Ryan's hand and left the unit. As he walked down the corridor towards the elevator, he prayed that Dr. Michaels was right and that Ryan's present memories would return.  
  
Kirsten sat on the patio watching the sun come up. It was 4:30am when Sandy called. Three simple words... "He woke up..." filled her with such happiness it was all she could do to keep from screaming into the phone. Sandy didn't have a lot more information for her, just that Dr. Michaels was with Ryan now and Sandy would be returning to the CCU shortly. Kirsten promised that she would be there at 8. She told her husband how much she loved him and hung up the phone. The kid in her wanted to go wake Seth up and tell him the news, but the responsible mother in her told her to wait a few hours yet, so Kirsten got up and made a pot of coffee and sat outside.  
  
Tuesday, January 6  
  
When Seth and Kirsten arrived at the hospital they found Sandy waiting for them at the entrance. Kirsten ran into her husbands arms and before she had a chance to say anything Sandy spoke.  
  
"It's okay, hon...they're moving Ryan out of CCU and into a regular room. We can see him in about 20 minutes. Kirsten let go of Sandy and stepped back, studying her exhausted husband.  
  
"I'm going to check in on Ryan when he's settled in...Then I'm bringing you home and taking care of you..."  
  
"Ah...uh...mom..not appreciating the visual here..."  
  
Kirsten turned to her son.  
  
"The upside is, you get to stay and hang out with Ryan until I get back..no restrictions in a regular room."  
  
Seth grinned as the family went to the waiting room. Sandy filled Kirsten and Seth in on what Dr. Michaels said about Ryan's recovery.  
  
It was noon before Sandy and Kirsten left the hospital. Seth was warned that Ryan might be confused and not recognize Seth, but Dr. Michaels said it was normal and shouldn't last too long. He made himself comfortable and opened up his knapsack, pulling out a pile of comic books.  
  
"Okay Ryan..I've got Legion...Titans and Justice League..What's that..Justice League is a little minty...? To true dude, but your knowledge of the graphic novel genre is still lacking despite my best attempts to educate you, so we're going back a little bit."  
  
Seth was half way through the second comic when he noticed Ryan's eyes were open. The red eyes freaked Seth out for a second but he recovered quickly.  
  
"Ryan...you're...you're..cool...let me call a nurse."  
  
Seth reached over and pressed the call button.  
  
"Yeah, uh...Sleeping Beauty's awake..."  
  
Seth pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat back down. He noticed the partially melted container of ice chips. He spooned up a few and held them out to Ryan.  
  
"Here...These might help a little.."  
  
Ryan obediently opened his mouth like a toddler being fed his favourite food. He sucked on the ice and swallowed.  
  
"..Seth..."  
  
"Yeah dude....I'm here with you...you're okay..."  
  
Ryan blinked  
  
"Seth...friend..comics.."  
  
"Graphic novels, bro..but I'll let that slide."  
  
A nurse came in and identified himself as Paul. He quickly took Ryan's temperature and blood pressure as Ryan looked on.  
  
"You're starting to run a fever...nothing major yet, but the doctor prescribed some anti-biotics for you..This might sting a little.."  
  
Paul's actions were to fast for Ryan to follow so he closed his eyes and waited for him to leave.  
  
"Ry...are you okay..."  
  
"'m'okay..feel ..dopey.."  
  
"That's 'cuz they've got you on the finest pharmaceutical grade pain relief they have...guaranteed to make you feel no pain and render you powerless to escape my manic monologues, especially since you seem to have reverted to the time before you used complete sentences."  
  
"...Pound...sand..."  
  
Seth rolled his eyes.  
  
"Is that the best you've got..."  
  
Seth is stopped by the look on Ryan's face..Fear..Fear of what ever was behind him in the door way. Seth turned to see what Ryan was looking at.  
  
...Caleb..  
  
Seth turned back to Ryan.  
  
"It's okay Ryan...it's my Grandpa..."  
  
'NO...!" Ryan shouted as loud as his raw throat would let him.  
  
"GO'WAY...!"  
  
Caleb looked shocked as he took a step into the room.  
  
"Ryan..."  
  
"NO...!" Ryan screamed again.  
  
"GET..YOUR....MONEY BACK....FROM....D-D-D-DAWN...I'M NOT....I'M NOT.."  
  
Seth quickly pressed the call bell and grabbed Ryan's shoulders.  
  
"Calm down Ryan...It's just ....My grandpa's not going to hurt you..."  
  
Ryan's eyes had glazed over, screaming at the demons from his past that had now ventured into the present.  
  
"TAKE...YOUR MONEY BACK....YOU'RE NOT GOING TO...DO IT..DO.. ME..ANY- ANYMORE! GET ...MONEY...BACK..NO! STOP....!!!"  
  
As several of the nursing staff pushed past Caleb, Ryan ripped out the central I.V. and gathering strength from an untapped reserve, hurled himself over the side rails of the bed, crashing on the floor and sending the heart monitor downward, smashing on the cold linoleum. Still screaming, Ryan crawled to the corner, curling into a tight ball, screams turning into sobs...  
  
"No...don't..." over and over again .  
  
Seth and Caleb were ushered out as DR. Meyers rushed in, the door closing behind them.  
  
Seth was shaking uncontrollably, unable to process the scene he had just witnessed. Caleb took his grandson to a nearby waiting room and called Kirsten. After he hung up the phone, he held Seth, rocking him gently as he tried to calm him down.  
  
After Kirsten and Sandy arrived, Caleb furiously pulled his son-in-law out into the hallway.  
  
"What do you know about that boy's past...!  
  
Before Sandy had a chance to answer, Caleb raged on.  
  
"He thought I was there to..that I wanted to..."  
  
Caleb couldn't even say the words out loud.  
  
"Did his mother really..pimp him out...?"  
  
Caleb felt the bile rise in his throat.Just the thought of what Ryan had gone through with his mother...  
  
"Cal.." Sandy broke in.  
  
"I don't have all the details of his past. There's not a lot in his file. I do know he's been physically abused...There was also some possible sexual abuse, but he's never talked about it. Kirsten and I wanted to make sure he felt safe and stable in our house before we pushed the idea of a counselor on him. He's still afraid we're going to dump him into foster care if he's anything but the perfect kid.."  
  
Sandy drew a shaking breath, not knowing what else to say.  
  
Caleb turned and walked back to the waiting room. He sat stone-faced, not saying anything to Kirsten. Sandy paced just outside the waiting room. Kirsten knew that now was not the best time to talk to him. She touched her husband on the shoulder, and gently led him back inside.  
  
Dr. Meyers came out of Ryan's room. It was now quiet inside. He sat down on a chair facing Kirsten and Sandy.  
  
"We've got him calmed down...actually we had to sedate him..."  
  
Kirsten spoke.  
  
"Why did this happen..?"  
  
Dr. Meyers shook his head.  
  
"Something must have triggered an old memory for Ryan. Because of his head injury, he was unable to distinguish the past from the present. It's not that unusual for that to happen with a head trauma as severe as his. He should sleep for a few hours. We did..We did have to put him in soft restraints for his own safety..we'll be taking him downstairs in a few minutes for another MRI and CAT scan, just to make sure he didn't cause any further damage when he fell from the bed."  
  
Dr Meyers got up to leave.  
  
"It's just a precaution..you can go in and see him now." 


	7. chapter seven

Thanks to all who have taken the time to review. I appreciate the feedback. This is my first fan fic. I still don't own the characters. I just got paid (not from this, but my job in my real life) so I now have a toonie to my name after taxes ($2.00 Canadian equals $1.40 American. Canadian money may not be worth much but at least we have funny names for it..)  
  
Again, characters are not mine. Props to the creators of the OC and special thanks to jZzRgRl13 for starting this story and allowing me to move ahead with it.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Sandy rubbed his eyes and stared at his glass. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky a magical red, gold and orange. The sound of the ocean added to a soft chorus of birds and breeze. In the midst of all this beauty, Sandy thoughts were on the evil that held on to Ryan, it's tendrils grasping at him, trying to pull him back into its' depths.  
  
Sandy became aware of Seth standing there...his eyes still displaying both the overwhelming fear and sadness he was feeling.  
  
"Hey son...did you get any sleep?  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
Sandy motioned for his son to sit beside him. When Seth didn't move, Sandy stood up and pulled his son into a hug. Tears welled up in Seth's eyes as he buried his head in his dad's shoulder. Sandy held his son for a few minutes as Seth regained his composure.  
  
Seth drew a shaky breath and sat down.  
  
Sandy turned and looked at the pool, the colours of the sky bouncing off the water.  
  
"Have you talked to Mom?"  
  
Sandy came back to the table and sat down.  
  
"She called a little while ago...Ryan's sleeping.."  
  
Seth quickly wiped at the tears that had started to form again.  
  
"If they sedated him, why did they have to restrain him...?"  
  
Sandy closed his eyes for a second and then re-opened them, looking at his son.  
  
"The doctors aren't sure if Ryan is going to have another episode like he did this afternoon. He could have seriously hurt himself when he fell out of bed. He's lucky the only real damage he did was the 5 stitches in took to close the hole in his chest where he ripped out his I.V. It could have been a lot worse.."  
  
Kirsten made one more phone call to Sandy before he went to sleep for the night. She informed him that Ryan was still asleep and the doctors weren't expecting him to wake up until the morning. Kirsten expressed her love to her husband and told him to give Seth a hug for her. As she hung up the phone, she worried about Sandy and Seth, wondering how much more they could take. She had buried her own fears and stress, determined to stay strong for her family.  
  
Kirsten pushed the recliner closer to Ryan's bed. She sat down and pulled the lever on the recliner, easing back into a more comfortable position. Paul had insisted that he bring it to her after he was unable to convince her to go home and rest. Kirsten maneuvered in the chair until she could lean back and still hold Ryan's hand, held immobile by the restraints. Although she fought it, she fell asleep, her rhythmic breathing falling in sync with Ryan's.  
  
Wednesday, January 7  
  
Kirsten woke with a start. The morning light filtered through the blinds covering the window. She looked over at Ryan and was surprised to see a pair of red and blue eyes staring intently at her.  
  
"Ryan...Hey....You're awake..."  
  
Kirsten disengaged the recliner and leaned into her foster son.  
  
"You had us worried sweetie..How are you feeling...?"  
  
Ryan closed his eyes for a moment as Kirsten gently stroked his bruised cheek.  
  
His voice was just barely audible, his throat sounding raw and painful.  
  
"...'m'okay.."  
  
He pulled his hands slightly, his arms still held immobile by the restraints.  
  
"No...move arms....Why..?"  
  
Kirsten's fingertips moved to Ryan's left wrist, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.  
  
"You climbed out of bed yesterday and fell..."  
  
Kirsten chose her words carefully, unsure of how much, if anything Ryan remembered of the previous afternoon.  
  
Ryan tried to lift his head but the pain reminded him that it wasn't a good idea. Kirsten pressed one of the buttons on the side rail and raised the head of the bed.  
  
"Is that better?"  
  
Ryan gingerly nodded his head and looked at Kirsten.  
  
"Seth...comics...Minty.."  
  
He looked down at his wrists.  
  
"...Why...? I..h-h-h-hurt Seth...?"  
  
Kirsten took his hand in hers.  
  
"No sweetheart..You had a ...I guess we could call it a panic attack and you jumped over the rails..You tried to make a break for it..Dr. Meyers was worried you might try it again.."  
  
Ryan looked puzzled.  
  
"No remember.."  
  
At that point Dr. Meyers entered the room with a medical resident who identified herself as Dr. Berg.  
  
Kirsten left Ryan's side and spoke to the doctors.  
  
"He seems better this morning...Ryan doesn't remember all of what happened yesterday afternoon, but he does remember Seth being here..."  
  
Dr. Meyers nodded.  
  
"Okay..We'll examine Ryan and talk to you in a few minutes. Why don't you call your husband and let him know Ryan is awake..."  
  
Kirsten quickly gave Ryan a kiss on his forehead and told him she'd be back in a few minutes. She gave him a smile and admonished him to be good.  
  
Seth sleepily answered the phone, rubbing his eyes and wandering through the house looking for his dad.  
  
"Hi Mom..." his voice sounding deep and gravelly.  
  
"Hi sweetie..how did you sleep?"  
  
"Okay I guess..How's..how's Ryan....?"  
  
Kirsten took a deep breath.  
  
"Well..he's awake...Dr. Meyers is in with him right now...He doesn't remember all of what happened yesterday, but he does remember that you were there."  
  
"Can I come and see him this afternoon? I was thinking of bringing Marissa with me. I finally got a hold of her last night. She's at her dad's place and Mr. Cooper said it would be okay with him if she saw Ryan.."  
  
Kirsten hesitated for a second, unsure if Ryan was ready to see someone other than family.  
  
"You know what Seth..? It might be a good idea if Marissa came by for a few minutes. I know I'd like to see her and I'm sure Ryan would too. Is your dad around..?"  
  
Seth picked up a piece of paper left on the kitchen counter.  
  
"No...he left a note saying that he had to go out and he'd be back this afternoon. There's like 5000 messages from his office, but I don't think that's where he went.."  
  
"Oh.." Kirsten sounded puzzled. "Okay..Why don't you call Jimmy and ask if he can drive you and Marissa to the hospital and I'll see you this afternoon...I love you Seth.."  
  
"Right back at 'ya' Mom..."  
  
Sandy waited in the visitors lounge for a guard to bring Trey in. His mind was working overtime as her tried to formulate his chaotic thoughts into coherent questions. When Trey was finally brought in, Sandy noticed that Trey and Ryan had the same deep blue eyes, but while Ryan's eyes were expressive and spoke volumes, Trey's were like ice, cold and unmoving. They both moved to a table and sat in the metal chairs, the bases bolted to the ground.  
  
Trey looked at Sandy.  
  
"How's my brother...?"  
  
Sandy looked down at his hands for a split second before answering.  
  
"He's getting better. After I talked to you last, he woke up and he does recognize us..."  
  
Trey nodded.  
  
"I read in the paper they arrested the fucker that ran into him..."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"I wasn't aware of that..we've been at the hospital with him so much, we kind of lost track of the outside world..."  
  
As soon as Sandy finished that thought he realized how stupid it must have sounded to someone in prison.  
  
Trey had no comment but Sandy saw his eyes flicker.  
  
Sandy continued.  
  
"Like I said to you on the phone..I have some questions about Ryan's past..There was an incident at the hospital yesterday..He..uh...uh, had a flashback.."  
  
Trey looked intently at Sandy, his eyes still flickering.  
  
"What kind of flashback...?"  
  
Sandy swallowed.  
  
"My father in law Caleb, went to visit him. My son was there and Ryan....he...freaked....I guess that would be one way of putting it. He was screaming at Caleb to get his money back from your Mom.."  
  
"SHIT..!!!!" Trey yelled, getting up from the table, clenching his fists and pacing.  
  
A guard took a few steps towards them but Sandy raised his hand to him, signaling that everything was fine.  
  
Sandy waited for Trey to calm down. Ryan's older brother sat down in the chair again.  
  
"What can you tell me..?"  
  
Trey put his head in his hands, his icy resolve melting. He regained his composure, but the coldness in his eyes was replaced with pain.  
  
"Ryan was 10 when our dad got locked up. Mom found herself a boyfriend...He seemed okay...He liked mom, but he liked Ryan better. Mom caught him coming out of Ryan's room one night...and then mom didn't have a boyfriend anymore..."  
  
Trey paused and took a shaky breath.  
  
"Mom..Dawn...started drinking a lot more after that..I mean she was always fucked up, but then she started doing crack...She was seeing some loser...Phil...Bill..I don't know...I wasn't spending a whole lot of time at home ya know...Anyway this fuck wit bled her dry...We'd live on peanut butter for months while they would drink away the welfare cheques. After him there was Gavin..He was a real piece of work. He convinced mom that he had a good way of bring in some extra money...He had a friend... Some old guy who liked boys...."  
  
Trey looked down, unable to look at Sandy anymore.  
  
"Gavin would dope Ryan up and this pervert would come over and pay mom to let him...uh..mess with Ryan..I don't know how long it had been going on for, but one night I came home early. Mom and Gavin were wasted...I heard noises coming out of Ryan's bedroom..sounded like a fight. I guess Gavin didn't put enough drugs in Ryan's food that night....That's how they did it...The only nights mom would try to make a decent dinner would be the night Ryan would be...."  
  
Trey looked back at Sandy.  
  
"Anyway....I break down the door and there's this freak on top of Ryan..Ry's begging this guy to stop...screaming at him to get his money back..."  
  
Trey sighed and spoke softly.  
  
"I pulled him off Ryan...I just about killed the sleazebag..I threw the guy out of the house and I went back into Ry's bedroom. He was all scrunched up in a ball..He didn't say anything..He didn't cry...He just rocked back and forth. I stayed with him, but he wouldn't let me touch him. Mom threw a fit 'cuz I kicked Gavin to the curb....I warned him if he came back I'd kill him..After a couple of days, Ryan got out of bed and acted like nothing happened..He didn't talk about it, so I didn't ask...It didn't take mom long to hook up with A.J...I guess you know how well that worked out.."  
  
Trey's eyes turned cold again and he stood up.  
  
"You got what you came for....Go take care of Ryan ..Tell him that...that..I'm sorry...Be good to him...he deserves it..."  
  
With that, Trey motioned to the guard to leave the visitors lounge.  
  
Kirsten watched Ryan sleep. She still hadn't been able to get a hold of Sandy. He didn't go to the office...Rachel had been very sympathetic towards her and told Kirsten to let Sandy know that continuances had been granted on the cases going to trial and lawyers from the firm were covering his other cases.  
  
Seth's voice brought a smile to her face.  
  
She got up and embraced her son. She gave Marissa a hug, being careful of the girl's broken arm. Jimmy stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching his daughter step towards Ryan's bed.  
  
Marissa leaned in and gently touched Ryan's battered face, startled when he opened his eyes.  
  
"Hey.." She said softly.  
  
Ryan's eyes searched for Kirsten.  
  
Kirsten quickly moved back to Ryan.  
  
"It's okay Ryan...Seth, Marissa and Mr. Cooper dropped by to visit you."  
  
Ryan looked back at Marissa.  
  
" 'Rissa..friend....girl..."  
  
Marissa stepped back, confused by Ryan's speech pattern.  
  
Kirsten put her hand on Marissa's shoulder.  
  
"Marissa honey..Ryan's speech aphasia should only be temporary. He can understand everything you say..."  
  
Kirsten stopped, seeing that Marissa had focused on the restraints on Ryan's wrists.  
  
Ryan looked at his wrists and back at Marissa.  
  
"I...try...fly..'Rissa..."  
  
Seth broke in.  
  
"As you can see..he didn't succeed. It wasn't quite as bad as Icarus' crash landing, but the doctors are keeping him tethered and I'm not supposed to read Batman comics to him for a while.."  
  
Kirsten moved to where Jimmy was standing.  
  
"Why don't we go down to the cafeteria and let the kids visit for a little bit..I'm dying for something caffeinated... preferably high test..."  
  
Sandy pulled into a restaurant. He was still trying to come to grips with what Trey had told him.  
  
He sat at a booth in a corner and perused the menu. He became aware of someone standing in front of him.  
  
Sandy looked up.  
  
"Shalom Sandy.."  
  
Caleb sat down, not waiting for Sandy to invite him to join him.  
  
"You look like hell...Have you spoken to Kiki..?"  
  
Sandy shook his head..  
  
"Not since last night....I had some things to take care of...."  
  
"You went to see Ryan's brother...."  
  
Sandy smirked.  
  
"Am I that predictable...?"  
  
Caleb smirked back.  
  
"It's what I would have done...Did you find out what you wanted to know...?"  
  
"I found out what I didn't want to know...." 


	8. chapter eight

You guys are great...Thanks for your support. I started writing this fic when the Zoloft started keeping me up at night. Once again all disclaimers apply. If I could afford the characters of the OC, I'd buy them, but for now they are merely playthings for my seratonin re-uptake inhibited presynaptic terminal.  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Caleb's eyes narrowed.  
  
"So..it's true.."  
  
Sandy's silence answered for him.  
  
"What are you going to do now...?"  
  
The younger man looked up.  
  
"What do you mean....?"  
  
"Can you handle a kid with that much baggage..?"  
  
"We all have baggage..." Sandy said quietly.  
  
Jimmy left with Marissa in the middle of the afternoon. Ryan had drifted off to sleep just before they left. Kirsten and Seth had spent the rest of the afternoon quietly in Ryan's hospital room.  
  
Dr. Michaels had come by to check in on Ryan and he decided to remove the restraints. He spoke to Kirsten about Ryan's prognosis.  
  
"..Yesterday's little mishap aside, Ryan's doing very well. We'll be removing the stitches in his head and arm tomorrow. His liver is healing quite nicely, his skull and ribs didn't sustain any further damage from his fall and his blood work is good."  
  
Kirsten nodded and asked...  
  
"What about his fever?  
  
"It's still low grade...the antibiotics will help fight off any infection..We'll be starting him on a liquid diet this evening and see how he tolerates it. I'd like to get him out of bed tomorrow and start some physio therapy..."  
  
Kirsten's smile gave way to a worried look.  
  
"Do you think Ryan will have problems walking...?"  
  
Dr. Michaels shook his head.  
  
"It's not so much walking, but because of Ryan's skull fracture his equilibrium will be off. He'll have to regain his sense of balance...We'll also set up an appointment for some out patient speech therapy. With a little bit of time and hard work he should make a full recovery."  
  
Sandy came by the hospital that evening. He entered Ryan's room. Kirsten was happy to see him and decided to show him, drawing her husband into a kiss.  
  
"Uh, again, not appreciating the visual you guys...."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy ignored Seth for a few more moments before breaking their embrace.  
  
Ryan was watching the two of them with an amused look on his face.  
  
Seth looked disgusted.  
  
"Would you two get a room...?"  
  
"All in due time.." Sandy winked at his son. He turned to Ryan.  
  
"How are you doing...?"  
  
Ryan held up his hands.  
  
"No tie up.... 'Rissa ...saw...afternoon...."  
  
Sandy winced slightly at the mention of the restraints. He then turned to Seth.  
  
"Your mom and I are going to go and talk for a few minutes...You and Ryan can plot your attempt to overthrow the Cohen dictatorship..."  
  
Seth looked at his mom.  
  
"You sold me out.."  
  
Kirsten laughed and told him that all was fair in love and war.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten sat in the cafeteria at their usual table. Kirsten found it ironic that with all the upscale restaurants in Newport, their 'table' was in a hospital cafeteria. Kirsten took a sip of her coffee and looked at her husband.  
  
"Are you going to tell me where you've been all day?......You look exhausted.."  
  
Sandy gave her a wry smile.  
  
"So do you.."  
  
He played with his coffee spoon before continuing.  
  
"I went to see Trey..."  
  
Kirsten raised an eyebrow.  
  
"He, uh..told me what happened to Ryan...What he went through...."  
  
Sandy was unable to continue. Kirsten reached for her husband's hand.  
  
"It's okay..we'll get through this...we'll get Ryan through this..."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"I can't even get my head around it...I've seen a lot of stuff as a P.D. but how could a mother..."  
  
The sound of a throat clearing interrupted him. Sandy looked up.  
  
"Officer Riley..you always seem to know where to find us....Won't you sit down?"  
  
Sandy's voice had a hard edge to it.  
  
"What can we do for you...?"  
  
The police officer sat down.  
  
"We've made an arrest and have laid charges in the accident your sons were involved in."  
  
"You've arrested Brad Campbell.." Sandy stated.  
  
Officer Riley nodded.  
  
"Yes, and we've also arrested Merlin Nordstrom...They're charged with driving under the influence, reckless endangerment, leaving the scene of an accident, drinking underage, possession of open alcohol in a moving vehicle..and we've also charged Dr. Campbell with filing a false police report..."  
  
Kirsten spoke first.  
  
"What happens now..?"  
  
Before Officer Riley could answer, Sandy cut in.  
  
"It'll all be pled down to a misdemeanor and they'll get a slap on the wrist..."  
  
The officer kept her voice low and even.  
  
"They'll plead out all the charges except for driving under the influence and reckless endangerment. We've go enough evidence to go to trial on those charges, and the ADA is not going to take a plea. The charge of filing a false police report...."  
  
Sandy shrugged.  
  
"It's a class E felony. He'll pay a fine and get probation, do a little community service....  
  
Officer Riley smiled.  
  
"Yeah, but with a record he has to surrender his passport...and as Dr. Campbell told us, it seriously hampers his pre-paid, non-refundable, luxury class South American cruise.."  
  
Kirsten tried not to laugh out loud, covering with an awkward sounding cough. Sandy however, did not try to hide his amusement. Officer Riley continued.  
  
"ADA Cortez said you owe her one and...you are still the most arrogant and conceited pain in the ass public defender she's come up against.."  
  
Sandy raised his eyebrows in mock indignation.  
  
"Yeah, but that's why she loves me..."  
  
The officer stood up and finished.  
  
"I stopped in to see Ryan. Seth was with him...Those two together must be something else..."  
  
Sandy's smile broadened.  
  
"Yeah, they're plotting world domination as we speak..."  
  
Paul entered Ryan's room carrying a covered tray. He put it down on the bedside table and turned to Ryan.  
  
"Okay bud...You know the drill.."  
  
He quickly checked Ryan's temperature and blood pressure. He injected pain medication into the IV now in the boy's right hand. He then took the lid off the tray with a flourish.  
  
"Dinner is served..."  
  
Ryan and Seth looked at the 3 small glasses of chalky white liquid.  
  
Seth leaned over and sniffed.  
  
"Mmmmmmm.....Yummers...!"  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"No milk...Get sick..."  
  
Paul unwrapped 3 straws.  
  
"We know you're allergic to dairy products so what we have here is the finest non-dairy, soy based, high protein, iron supplemented, vitamin enriched cup of health we can offer you..."  
  
He put the straws in the glasses.  
  
"You'll have to finish all three..I'll be back to pick up your tray later...Bon appetit!" He said with a bow as he backed out the door.  
  
Ryan stared at the tray and then looked at Seth.  
  
"You...try.."  
  
Seth stepped away....  
  
"Uh, no..I'd rather eat mom's cooking..."  
  
"Hey..I heard that.."  
  
Seth turned and saw his mom and dad in the doorway.  
  
"I uh...we...Ryan and I were just discussing the gastronomic...the uh..gastronomic merits of this uh...uh..non-dairy, soy based, high protein, iron supplemented, vitamin enriched epicurean extravaganza Ryan is being treated to.."  
  
Kirsten ignored Seth and walked over to Ryan and gently hugged him.  
  
"I'm going to take Seth home now...I want you to finish your, uh...dinner....You get some sleep and don't keep Sandy up all night..I'll be back tomorrow...Good night sweetie..."  
  
Kirsten kissed Ryan on the forehead and stepped back.  
  
"Tomorrow..see..."  
  
Kirsten nodded.  
  
"Tomorrow..see..."  
  
Sandy sat in the recliner and watched Ryan drink his dinner. His hands were shaky but he insisted on holding the glass himself. He finally finished all three and fell asleep before Paul came back for the tray. It didn't take Sandy long to fall asleep as well, his mind drifting back to his visit with Trey.  
  
Thursday, January 8  
  
Kirsten and Seth sat in the kitchen enjoying a leisurely morning. Seth was hoovering a bowl of Count Chocula while Kirsten played with her bagel. Seth finished his cereal and brought the bowl to the sink.  
  
"So..I wonder how Ryan made out with his dinner last night...That stuff looked like...uh, what did it look like..?"  
  
Kirsten snickered.  
  
"Baby formula..."  
  
Seth stared at his mother, his mouth open.  
  
"No way..!"  
  
She continued.  
  
"Think about it...What did the nurse call it....A non-dairy, soy based"..At point Seth chimed in.  
  
"High protein, iron supplemented, vitamin enriched....oh gross....You're right mom. It is baby formula. What's next....strained peas...?"  
  
Seth giggled.  
  
Kirsten knew they shouldn't be laughing at Ryan's expense, but to hear her son laugh..it seemed like it had been forever...and Ryan..? Well, he'd probably figure out what that stuff they were feeding was soon enough.  
  
Laughing with Seth had renewed her energy. Kirsten absently stuck her hand in the Count Chocula and took a handful.  
  
"Get dressed Seth...I can drop you off to see Ryan and I'm going to go to kick boxing class...work off some stress...."  
  
"What...no 'yogalates'...? 'Yogalates'....what kind of a person comes up with a name like that...?"  
  
Kirsten threw her handful of cereal at her son.  
  
"These are truly awful.."  
  
"It's an acquired taste, mom..."  
  
Sandy was jolted awake by the unmistakable sounds of a struggle. He saw Ryan locked in battle with unseen demons. Sandy leaned over and held Ryan's arms down.  
  
"Ryan...Ryan...RYAN!.........WAKE UP! C'mon son....that's it...open your eyes...you're safe..I'm here....it's okay...."  
  
Sandy repeated the last part of the statement over again until Ryan stopped struggling and opened his eyes..drawing painful, jagged breaths.  
  
"You're safe...I'm here...it's okay..."  
  
Ryan looked blankly at Sandy.  
  
"Ryan..can you hear me..."  
  
Ryan nodded slowly.  
  
"I need you to calm down..deep breaths....you can do it...."  
  
Sandy held on to Ryan's shoulders until the boy's breathing calmed down. Ryan closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them.  
  
This time they were clear and focused.  
  
"I okay...."  
  
Sandy leaned back and shook his head.  
  
"I'm not....What were you dreaming about..?  
  
Ryan looked at Sandy.  
  
"...Monsters..."  
  
Kirsten dropped Seth off at the front entrance of the hospital and drove to the gym. The kick boxing class had helped relieve some of the stress she was feeling and the massage did wonders for her mood. Unfortunately her good mood was short lived. Kirsten was behind a row of lockers when she heard Taryn, Julie and some of the other "Newpsies" enter the change room.  
  
Taryn spoke first in that grating 'high school popular girl' voice she had never out grown.  
  
"Can you believe Brad and Merlin were arrested for the accident last week...? Those poor boys..Their poor families...It's so unfair....They're both such good kids....I just can't fathom why the Cohen's are doing this...The accident couldn't have possibly been Brad's fault..."  
  
Julie's voice cut in.  
  
"Kirsten must have called in every favour she had....The charges against that delinquent were dropped....He almost killed Marissa....He could have killed their 'real' son....I heard he had twice the legal limit of alcohol in his system.."  
  
The voices grew distant as the women left the room, agreeing to Julie's suggestion of bellinis at her house.  
  
Kirsten stepped out from behind the lockers, her anger growing every second.  
  
By the time Kirsten arrived home she was in full blown bitch mode. Seeing her father's jag in the driveway didn't help matters.  
  
She slammed the car door and entered her house. He father was waiting for her in the kitchen. Caleb sensed his daughter's mood.  
  
"Is Ryan alright..?"  
  
Kirsten took a deep breath and tried to stay clam.  
  
"I haven't seen him yet this morning..I went to the gym..."  
  
She proceeded to tell her father about the conversation she'd overheard. Caleb poured his daughter some coffee and motioned for her to go outside with him. Kirsten looked defeated as she stood outside. All her optimism had faded and the walls she put up to contain her emotions crumbled. Her father held her as she cried.  
  
Kirsten took a deep shuddering breath and stepped back from her father. Before she could say anything she heard Julie's voice. She was about to go over and tear a strip off that witch when she felt her father's hand on her arm. He guided her to the side of the balcony that overlooked the Cooper's front door.  
  
"What the hell do you mean I can't go inside..? WHO had the locks changed?........This is MY house!!!!!! The Newpsie clique stood silently, absorbing every detail to spit forth later.  
  
The sheriff shook his head.  
  
"This property and all its chattels have been sold due to non-payment. Further more, an eviction notice is served effective immediately.."  
  
"YOU can't lock me out..You can't take my house!!!"  
  
Two deputies stepped forward to escort Julie off her former property. She took a swing at one of them. He grabbed her arm. The second deputy took her other arm. The sheriff continued.  
  
"You will be allowed to pick up your personal property in 24 hours under our supervision..."  
  
As Julie struggled with the deputies she looked up and saw Caleb and Kirsten looking at her.  
  
"Caleb....What...?"  
  
Caleb smiled smugly.  
  
"I told you I'd take care of everything darling....It was fun while it lasted...."  
  
With that Caleb turned his back on Julie as she was escorted kicking and screaming from her former home, her humiliation to be fodder for the Newport gossip circle for a long time.  
  
Sandy and Seth waited outside Ryan's room as Dr. Meyers and Dr. Berg finished removing Ryan's stitches. When they were allowed back in, Seth took one look at Ryan and tried to stifle a laugh. Wide strips of hair had been shaved away when the doctors had stitched up his lacerations. Sandy elbowed his son in an effort to quiet him. It didn't work.  
  
"Dude...you look like Krusty the clown..."  
  
Ryan frowned.  
  
"Funny I look..?"  
  
Seth and Sandy moved closer to Ryan. Angry red scars crossed his head.  
  
"I don't think this is a look you can pull off buddy..."  
  
"Funny I look..?" Ryan repeated.  
  
"No" said Sandy. "You look like a survivor...Your hair however, needs a little help.."  
  
At that point, Dr. Berg came back into the room carrying Ryan's lunch tray.  
  
"Hi Ryan...I hijacked your lunch tray since I was coming here anyway.."  
  
She put the tray down and removed a black bandana from her pocket. Without saying anything else she quickly tied it around Ryan's head. When she finished she stepped back and admired her handiwork.  
  
Ryan looked at her.  
  
"I be pirate now...?"  
  
Seth and Sandy snickered before being silenced by 'the look' from the medical resident.  
  
"No way pal...Think Axl Rose.. This is one fine looking 'do rag' you've got there..."  
  
Just then her pager went off.  
  
"I've gotta run..If you like I can have someone from patient services come up later and give you a hair cut..."  
  
She gave a warning glare to Sandy and Seth as she left the room.  
  
"Play nice..."  
  
Sandy lifted the lid of the lunch tray and unwrapped the straws inserting one into a small cup before handing it to Ryan. His hands were not as shaky as last night, but there was still a slight tremor.  
  
Ryan took a sip of his lunch and looked at Sandy and Seth.  
  
"I look like pirate...?"  
  
Seth had an impish grin on his face.  
  
"You're just showing some Harbour School spirit dude..."  
  
Kirsten and her father sat by the pool, coffee now replaced with a vintage red wine. Caleb looked at his daughter. He was clearly savouring Julie's humiliation. The other ladies beat a hasty retreat after Julie was escorted from her former home. Kirsten saw the look of smug satisfaction in her father's eyes. The realization hit her....  
  
"Dad....you didn't...."  
  
His eyes twinkled.  
  
"You did..You bought the Cooper's house..?"  
  
Caleb nodded.  
  
"The bank was only too happy to let me take it off their hands...The mortgage was already in default so I bought it as an investment and exercised my right to evict Julie."  
  
Kirsten looked at her father.  
  
"You're going to live next door...?"  
  
Caleb took another sip of wine.  
  
"I'll say this about that husband of yours..He does have excellent taste in wine.."  
  
"....Dad....."  
  
"Relax Kiki...I'm not moving in....I'm going to rent it out...Jimmy Cooper is moving back in...." 


	9. chapter nine

Wow, this story has taken on a life of its own. Thanks again for your kind words. I should be wrapping this up in a couple more chapters. I don't know if this is quite what jZzRgRl13 had intended for her story, but thanks for letting me play with it.  
  
I do not, repeat, je n'est pas own the characters of the OC. I am merely toying with them. If I've missed any disclaimers..well...they apply too.  
  
Chapter Nine.  
  
Kirsten returned to the hospital later that afternoon. She expected to see Sandy and the boys in Ryan's room. What she didn't expect to find was an empty room and a nurse's aide stripping the bed. Kirsten felt the panic rise in her throat.  
  
"...Where's....?"  
  
The aide turned around.  
  
"Oh hi, Mrs. Cohen...Your husband and your sons are downstairs in the physio department. Do you know where that is?  
  
Kirsten felt her heart start again. She felt a little foolish for making a quick assumption that something bad happened. She smiled weakly.  
  
"Yes..downstairs...okay....thank-you.."  
  
Kirsten made her way to the physical therapy department. Sandy and Dr. Meyers were watching Ryan and Seth play chess. Kirsten frowned slightly as she watched Ryan's shaky hand move a chess piece. The frown was replaced with a smile as she heard Ryan's voice.  
  
"Ch-ch-check m-m-mate..!"  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"This is so unfair..I'm..I'm like a geek...This should be my game...This is something Mom's waspishness has prevented me from achieving.."  
  
"So this is my fault...?"  
  
Seth and Ryan looked up at Kirsten.  
  
"Hold on guys..." Dr. Meyers interrupted.  
  
"Seth, why don't you see if you can at least win one game while I talk to your parents."  
  
With an almost angelic face, Seth looked at the doctor.  
  
"Ha-ha...that's so funny.....Not!"  
  
Dr. Meyers led Sandy and Kirsten to another table. He opened up Ryan's medical file as they sat down.  
  
"There are a couple of things I wanted to go over with you now that Ryan's condition has improved...."  
  
Kirsten spoke first.  
  
"Are you telling us that there's going to be some sort of permanent impairment?"  
  
Dr. Meyers shook his head."  
  
"No....It's not that..Ryan did well today with standing and taking a few steps. He needed to be supported on both sides, but he should be able to use a walker in the next day or so and graduate to a cane within a week. His cognitive abilities..well...he beat Sandy here in a game of chess in 4 moves and uh, Seth fared just as badly. We use chess as one way of determining cognitive abilities because...."  
  
"It's a game of logic and strategy.." Sandy finished.  
  
Dr. Meyers raised an eyebrow at Sandy.  
  
"Sorry." Sandy stated, a little embarrassed. "We lawyers just love to talk.."  
  
Dr. Meyers became serious.  
  
"He is making progress with his speech but the other concern we have is over Ryan's previous injuries..."  
  
Sandy cut in.  
  
"Look..We don't have a lot of information on his past..."  
  
Now it was Dr. Meyers turn to interrupt.  
  
"His x-rays showed some previous injuries to his head, chest and arms. These injuries are consistent with abuse.."  
  
"He's our son..." Kirsten said. "We've been his legal guardians for the last 5 months, but he hasn't given us a lot of details on his life before then...we really don't know......Wait...."  
  
Kirsten looked shocked.  
  
"You don't think we did...have....abused him..?"  
  
Sandy took his wife's hand.  
  
"When there's suspected child abuse, the doctors are required to report it..It's okay Kirsten.."  
  
Sandy looked hard at Dr. Meyers.  
  
"But what I want to know is why there was never any investigation before...Like when he was hospitalized however many times for falling down the stairs. Why teachers never reported it when he'd come to school beat up by one of his mother's boyfriends..."  
  
Sandy's voice was rising. Everyone in the room was now looking at him.  
  
"What I want to know is why a pedophile was allowed to...."  
  
"DAD..!"  
  
Seth's voice cut him off. Sandy, Kirsten and Dr. Meyers looked at Seth and then Ryan. Ryan stared at the 3 adults, his eyes full of hurt and anger.  
  
"Upstairs...I want go...." he said quietly to Seth.  
  
******  
  
Seth took the I.V. bag from the pole on the wheelchair and gently hung it on the stand beside Ryan's bed. Ryan had his left arm over his eyes, refusing to look at Seth.  
  
"Leave alone....I want alone..."  
  
"Ryan...Ry...Ryan....pl....please..." Seth stammered.  
  
"NO!.........I WANT ALONE...!"  
  
"Okay....It'll be okay..."  
  
Seth quietly left the room, his heart aching for his brother.  
  
Dr. Meyers and the Cohens went back to Ryan's room. Sandy and Kirsten had tried to continue talking with Dr. Meyers but in the end Sandy just took out one his business cards and wrote the name of the caseworker from child services who handled Ryan's case on the back on the back of it. Seth was sitting on the floor outside Ryan's room, visibly upset.  
  
Kirsten went to her son.  
  
"Are you okay Seth...why..?"  
  
Seth looked angrily at his mother.  
  
"He didn't want me in there...he told me to leave..You guys were talking about him like he wasn't there. Remember when you found his mom...?"  
  
Seth nearly choked on the word.  
  
"Ryan was so pissed when she...Dawn....his mom..Dawn let it 'slip' that AJ used to beat the crap out of Ryan.."  
  
A loud crash from Ryan's room interrupted Seth.  
  
Dr. Meyers pushed past Sandy and Kirsten to get inside. The Cohens were right behind him.  
  
"GET OUT...." Ryan screamed. "...LEAVE.....ALONE...!"  
  
Dr Meyers stepped over the remains of Ryan's dinner tray and approached the bed.  
  
"STAY... 'WAY...!"  
  
Ryan picked up the emesis bowl on the bedside table and threw it at the doctor.  
  
"GO... 'WAY.....!  
  
Dr. Meyers quickly pressed the call buzzer and said something into it. He then put his hands on Ryan's arms to try and get the boy to stop throwing things. "Ryan, please...calm down.."  
  
Those words just seemed to incite Ryan to struggle more. Kirsten and Sandy stepped forward to try to help calm Ryan down.  
  
"LEAVE....ALONE...ME....ALONE...I WANT...."  
  
Ryan kicked out his legs.  
  
Sandy instinctively reached in to hold them down, receiving a kick in the face for his trouble.  
  
"Ryan..Please...You're safe..on one's going to hurt...."  
  
Sandy was cut off by a nurse and couple of orderlies. A pair of large hands moved him out of the way. The nurse handed a small object to Dr. Meyers...A hypodermic needle. Ryan saw the needle in the doctor's hand. Strong arms held down his right wrist as he struggled.  
  
"No..please....I be good...Please stop...I be...good....please..."  
  
The last three words came out as a whimper as the sedative took hold of Ryan. His stiff body relaxed and his breathing slowed. Tears were streaming down Kirsten's face as Sandy held her. Seth looked on in shock and confusion.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED. A LITTLE WHILE AGO I WAS GETTING MY BUTT KICKED IN CHESS...WE WE'RE LAUGHING AT RYAN'S NEW 'VIN DIESEL' LOOK AND NOW MY BEST FRIEND.....MY BROTHER IS LYING THERE DRUGGED UP..."  
  
"Seth...honey..."  
  
Kirsten reached for her son as they watched the medical staff hover over Ryan, making sure he was stable.  
  
Dr. Meyers turned to leave.  
  
"He should stay asleep for the night....I can give you the names of a couple of counselors who deal with abuse victims..."  
  
Sandy nodded his head and spoke quietly.  
  
"That would be fine..We'll be here..."  
  
Sandy decided to take Seth home. The boy could not calm down and kept up a frantic pacing in Ryan's room. Now in the car, Seth was silent. Opening the front door of the house, he went into his bedroom, closed the door, crawled into bed and cried. He cried for himself , he cried for Ryan....he cried himself to sleep. Sandy sat outside Seth's door with an ice pack on his jaw and listened as the bitter sobs gave way to ragged breaths which in turn gave way to the sounds of troubled slumber.  
  
Kirsten woke with a start...She had pulled the recliner back to Ryan's bedside earlier and fell asleep holding his hand. She glanced at her watch. In the dim light she could barely make out the time...3:10 am. She leaned in and looked at Ryan, watching him breathe.  
  
She spoke quietly, stroking his forehead.  
  
"You've been through so much..I wish I knew how to help you..I wish I knew what to do...what to say to take away your pain..."  
  
Kirsten took a deep breath.  
  
"When Sandy brought you home, I was not happy. I pretended to be okay with it, but I wasn't and you knew it. You looked more scared than I did..You were beat up and tired but you were so quiet...you didn't even look me in the eyes..And then at the fashion show when I caught you with that drink, you didn't argue or try to deny you had alcohol in your glass...You just gave it to me..I hoped that Sandy was right about you...When I saw Seth the next morning with a black eye and a hang over I got scared. Seth had never been in a fight before, let alone drunk. I wish I'd known earlier that you had stepped in to defend him from other boys instead of me thinking you got him involved in a fight."  
  
Kirsten steadied herself for a second.  
  
"You were so polite...even when I asked you to leave..You didn't tell Seth the real reason why.....you just thanked me for everything....You knew I was going to ask you to leave, but you still made us breakfast. The thing I noticed after Sandy took you back to your house was that you only set the table for 3."  
  
Tears were now sliding down Kirsten's face.  
  
"I was actually relieved when Sandy came back with you. I was hoping we could talk but I was scared...I didn't know what to say to you...your mother had just left you...I thought it would be easier for us...me...if Sandy found you a foster home. I couldn't believe it when you came back after the fire at the development..to take responsibility...You could have just run. I wasn't angry about the house..we could rebuild it...I was angry because I was worried when you took off. I didn't know if you were on the street somewhere....if you were safe...I wasn't supposed to worry about you....You were Sandy's client...When Seth asked me to go with him to see you in Juvenile..uh..lock-up..the only reason I went with him was to get away from Julie Cooper and her entourage.."  
  
Kirsten wiped her eyes.  
  
"You looked so pale and tired in there and when that kid came after me..you stopped him....he could have hurt you...he could have killed you...."  
  
"When you told me that you used to want to be an architect, but all you wanted to be now was 17, I didn't know what to say..I almost cried when you told me that. I wanted Sandy to find your mom because..because I was hoping you could work things out with her..When you left the dinner table that night when your mom was here it broke my heart...It was like you were trying to protect us..protect Seth from the ugliness in your life. After Vegas night when I caught your mom trying to leave..."  
  
The tears started falling again, but Kirsten held her voice steady.  
  
"Your mom, she looked incredibly sad..It's like she knew that for you to make it in life, she'd have to give you up...she had to protect you from herself. She must love you so much to do that..she didn't leave you....she saved you...she trusted us with someone special..she trusted us with you.."  
  
Kirsten felt Ryan's fingers tighten around hers. She looked at him and saw a single tear slide out of his left eye.  
  
"We love you Ryan and I can't imagine our family without you..The things in your past are not going to change how we feel about you...We only want to help you deal with them and help you move on...but we can't ignore your past sweetie or else it's going to eat you alive. You don't need to be a perfect kid...we didn't sign on for that...You started wrapping me around your finger that first Sunday you made bacon..Part of me wanted to hold on and not let Sandy take you....the other part of me...the scared part sent you away...."  
  
" s'okay" came a groggy voice.  
  
"Ryan..you are as much a part of this family as any of us and nothing is ever going to change that...."  
  
Friday, January 9  
  
Seth found his father sleeping outside his bedroom door. He decided to make a pot of coffee before waking his dad. The emotional release the night before had been somewhat cathartic, but his thoughts of Ryan still ran a mile a minute. It was all he could do to keep from calling his mom for an update. Ultimately Seth decided to wait. He went to the kitchen, prepped the coffee pot and got mugs and bowls out of the cupboard. After opening the pantry and mulling over the extensive choice of cereal, be pulled out the Count Chocula and poured 2 bowls. He went back to his dad and gently shook his shoulder.  
  
"C'mon Rip van Winkle...rise and shine..coffee's almost ready and you don't have to chew it this time.."  
  
Sandy slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Hey..how'd you sleep....?"  
  
Seth gave a slight smile.  
  
"With my eyes closed, on my side....How about you?"  
  
"Eyes closed and on my butt."  
  
Seth extended his hand to help pull his dad up. Sandy groaned as his back protested the sleeping position it had been subjected to. He leaned on his son as they made their way to the kitchen. He sat down heavily as Seth poured coffee. He put the mug down in front of his dad and sat in his own chair, pulling his cereal bowl closer. They sat silently, neither one wanting to talk about yesterday.  
  
Sandy finished his coffee and looked at his son.  
  
"I've got a few phone calls to make..I'll be up in my office.."  
  
Seth looked down at his empty bowl.  
  
"Are you going to call a shrink for Ryan...?"  
  
"I've got the names of several psychiatrists that Dr. Meyers recommended...Ones who specialize in uh, dealing with...uh..."  
  
Seth looked at his dad.  
  
"It's okay dad, you can say it....specialize in dealing with abuse..I'm not going to fall apart again..."  
  
Sandy spoke gently.  
  
"Ryan's going to need to know we can deal with his past...that we're not going to see him as damaged. He need to know he doesn't have to pretend it never happened, but also that it doesn't have to define who he is...He's still the same kid who doesn't say a whole lot..well, compared to you..He's still the same kid who rolls his eyes at your jokes and he's still the same kid who kicked our asses in chess."  
  
Seth sat quiet for a second and then smiled.  
  
"Yeah...but I definitely want a rematch.." 


	10. chapter ten

Once again, all disclaimers apply. I am merely toying with the characters.  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
Seth had just finished getting washed and dressed when the doorbell rang. He opened the door and saw his grandfather.  
  
"Grandpa..Hey.....How are you....?"  
  
Caleb smiled and pulled Seth into a hug.  
  
"I'm doing well....You're looking better. Is your mom or dad around?"  
  
Seth stepped back to let his grandfather in the house.  
  
"Dad's in his office making some calls...He should be down in a little while and Mom spent the night with Ryan."  
  
Caleb faltered for a second.  
  
"How...How's Ryan?" His eyes clouded as he remembered his last visit with the boy.  
  
"Ryan's...uh.....Ryan's uh.....getting...he, uh...got a hair cut...actually... he.. he has no hair on his head at this time....He's uh..going for the whole "fast and furious" look....Can't really say it suits him...You have more hair than he does, so I'm sure he's gonna let his hair grow back..."  
  
Seth's voice sped up.  
  
"And...and he's walking..Well, not by himself yet, but he took a couple steps and....and chess...yes....he beat dad in about a minute and a half..nailed him good....I was much more of a challenge..okay, not....he won all seven games, but that's mom's fault and..and...and then he fell asleep and dad and I came home...."  
  
Caleb deduced from Seth's frantic babbling that something other than Ryan's shaved head and an example of his chess prowess took place, but Seth was not the one to ask.  
  
"Hey Seth...Has your mom called yet?" Sandy yelled from his office.  
  
"Not yet dad.." Seth yelled back. "Grandpa's here..."  
  
Sandy came downstairs, trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"Caleb....Always a pleasure....What can I do for you?"  
  
"Can't a man come by a see his grandson, his daughter or even his favourite son in law?"  
  
Sandy smirked  
  
"I'm your only son in law..."  
  
*******  
  
Ryan slowly opened his eyes. As the world slowly came back into focus, he became aware of Kirsten holding his hand. He carefully moved his head to look at her and saw she was sleeping. Gently taking his hand from hers, he slowly eased himself into a seated position, wincing in pain as he moved. His fingers found the controls for the bed on the side rail. He raised the head of the bed and leaned back. He looked over and watched Kirsten sleep. While he couldn't remember all of the words she spoke in the dark, he did know that he felt safer and more secure than he had in a long time. He noticed his breakfast tray on the bedside table. Holding his rib cage with his left hand, he reached over with his right and pulled the table beside his bed. Lifting the lid of the tray he saw the three small glasses of 'yuck' and three straws. Sighing quietly, he tried to steady his shaking hands and unwrap a straw.  
  
Ryan had just finished his 'breakfast' when Dr. Michaels came in. He seemed surprised to find Ryan sitting up in bed. After reading the notations Dr. Meyers wrote in Ryan's chart the previous evening, he thought the boy would still be sleeping, but Ryan's eyes were clear and sharp. The red in his eyes caused by the broken blood vessels behind them had started to fade. The bruising on his face had now settled into a mottled greenish purple. The long jagged scar looked dark and painful as it wound its way across the top of Ryan's skull.  
  
"Nice hair cut..." Dr. Michael said softly, not wanting to wake Kirsten up.  
  
Ryan pointed to the black bandana on the nightstand.  
  
"Doc....Doctor..B-Berg make me pirate..."  
  
Dr. Michaels smiled.  
  
"Okay, how about first things first...I need to look at the drain site on your head and see how that's healing...."  
  
Ryan turned his head so the doctor could look under the bandage.  
  
"Looks good...those stitches can come out in a couple of days. How about you try to relax and I can look at your chest.."  
  
Ryan rolled up his t-shirt and tried not to show his pain as Dr. Michaels hands brushed against his ribs.  
  
"Sorry buddy..We couldn't tape your ribs because the incision here needed to remain accessible...I'll give you something for the pain in a minute...Can you hang on?"  
  
Ryan nodded slowly.  
  
"Alright...Let's have a look."  
  
Dr. Michaels gently removed the dressing, carefully pressing down around the 22cm (10") incision. Ryan hissed in pain at the touch.  
  
"I know...Sorry Ryan....I need you to tell me if it hurt where I touched you or is the pain in your ribs?"  
  
Ryan hesitated for a second.  
  
"Ribs.." He said in a small voice.  
  
Dr. Michaels smiled.  
  
"I know it doesn't feel like it, but it's actually a good thing you feel the pain around your ribs. Your liver is healing well and we can probably take out the staples in a few days as well. The stitches from your central I.V. are still going to need a week..."  
  
Dr. Michaels rolled down Ryan's t-shirt.  
  
"You seem to be doing okay with the liquid diet, so we're going to add some soft solids..."  
  
Ryan looked at Dr. Michaels.  
  
"No..more bay..baby for...for...formula..?"  
  
At that point Kirsten snickered.  
  
"I told Seth you'd figure out what they were feeding you....Good morning sweetie..Good morning Dr. Michaels.."  
  
Dr. Michaels smiled and looked at Kirsten.  
  
"Would you like me to go over what I told Ryan?"  
  
Kirsten brought the chair back to a seated position.  
  
"No, its okay...I woke up right after Ryan did...I just didn't let him know it."  
  
She turned to Ryan.  
  
"It's in the mom handbook..chapter 2, paragraph 7, under the heading "How to get information out of your kids when they won't talk to you"..."  
  
Ryan turned to Kirsten. As he did, she noticed the flash of pain on his face caused by the movement.  
  
"Now I...know secret...won't fool again...."  
  
"Ah, but chapter 3 covers that scenario and I'll never tell you what it says..."  
  
They were interrupted by Paul. He handed a needle to Dr. Michaels. A momentary look of fear took hold of Ryan. It didn't go unnoticed by the doctor.  
  
"It's okay...Relax Ryan...It's the pain meds I said I'd give you..."  
  
He injected the Demerol into Ryan's I.V. port.  
  
"There...that will make you more comfortable.."  
  
He then looked at Kirsten.  
  
"I'd like to talk with you and your husband about Ryan's pain management and a time line for his going home."  
  
Kirsten became serious and stood up and walked the doctor to the door. She spoke quietly so Ryan wouldn't hear her.  
  
"Sandy and I would like to meet with you and Dr. Meyers this afternoon if possible. We have some things we need to discuss regarding Ryan's ongoing care.."  
  
Dr. Michaels nodded and told Kirsten he would see if there was a time later they could all get together. Kirsten thanked him and went back to Ryan, stifling a laugh when she saw a doctors green surgical cap on Ryan's head, courtesy of Paul.  
  
"I'd have to say the 'surgeon look' suits you much better than the 'pirate look' does."  
  
"Don'....Don't tell Dr...Dr. Berg.."  
  
Paul smiled, lowering the bed rail and maneuvering Ryan into a wheelchair.  
  
"Where...we go-going..?" Ryan asked, watching Paul move the I.V. bag to a pole on the back of the chair. Paul released the breaks on the chair and told Ryan they were going downstairs for physio therapy. Kirsten told Ryan she'd be down in a few minutes.  
  
"I'm going to call Sandy..Do you feel up for some company this afternoon, because I'm sure Seth wants to come by.."  
  
Ryan shook his head, trying to ignore the pain it caused.  
  
"He need see Summer...go board skating or some-something else....don't always need be here.."  
  
Kirsten inwardly winced at Ryan's transposition of the word skateboarding, but she reminded herself how much his speech had improved over the last couple of days....Hell...he was even trying to use complete sentences unlike the mono- syllabic phrases he would utter when he first came into their lives.  
  
"Are you sure Ryan?"  
  
"You home go too...I want...need think about what you say morning you think I sleep.....chapter one...k-k-kids handbook..."  
  
Kirsten bent down and gave him a hug.  
  
"Smart ass..."  
  
***********  
  
Kirsten took a cab home from the hospital. She was going to call Sandy and Seth but thought that the three of them should have a family meeting on how to get ready for Ryan's homecoming. Dr. Meyers had briefly seen her before she left to let her know that both he and Dr. Michaels would be available at 4pm to meet with her and Sandy. As the taxi pulled in the driveway, Kirsten saw her dad's jag parked beside the BMW. She paid the driver and took in a deep breath. She slowly exhaled and walked in the front door and went to the kitchen. Three quarters of the men in her life were seated at the granite breakfast bar.  
  
"Hey guys....Are you having a meeting and you didn't invite me?"  
  
Sandy quickly got out of his seat and hugged his wife and gave her a tender kiss.  
  
"I missed you..How's Ryan doing?"  
  
Seth handed his mom a cup of coffee. Kirsten took it from him, gave him a kiss on the forehead and squeezed his hand. She took a sip of coffee and sat down.  
  
"He looked better than when you left. Dr. Michaels came in this morning and examined him. Physically he's doing well. He's in physio right now. Ryan wanted some time alone this afternoon."  
  
She reached for Sandy's hand.  
  
"You and I have a meeting with Dr. Michaels and Dr. Meyers at the hospital this afternoon."  
  
Sandy nodded.  
  
"I called the psychiatrists Dr. Meyers recommended and we're meeting with Dr. Ynat Rodriquez tomorrow morning. She'll meet us at HOAG..she wanted to meet Ryan first..."  
  
Caleb cut in.  
  
"What do you know about this doctor.....Is she qualified to deal with Ryan's....issues?"  
  
"Dad!"  
  
Caleb shook his head.  
  
"Look Kiki...I now have a vested interest in that boy and I want what's best for him..."  
  
Just then, Caleb's pager went off. He picked it up and looked at it.  
  
"I have to go....keep me informed."  
  
He nodded to Sandy, kissed Kirsten, hugged Seth again and quickly made his way to the front door.  
  
Seth had a grin on his face.  
  
"I think Grandpa likes Ryan...."  
  
****** By the time Ryan was wheeled back into his room he was exhausted. His legs ached and his chest felt like it was on fire. Paul helped Ryan into bed and left to get his lunch tray. Ryan was asleep before Paul returned.  
  
Seth decided he'd give Ryan a couple of hours alone. He'd grab a ride with his parents when they left for the hospital. Seth didn't want to be anywhere else until Ryan was back home. He threw a few things in his knapsack and waited until it was time to leave. On a whim he picked up the phone and called Summer.  
  
"Hey beautiful....How's my favourite girl?"  
  
"Jason..." Summer's voice purred. "I've missed you...It's about time you called me...Maybe you can help me get rid of this guy who absolutely worships me and won't leave me alone..."  
  
Seth is silent.  
  
"Cohen...joke...!"  
  
He thought quickly.  
  
"Ah....ha ha.....First Ryan and now you...I guess everyone's funny now..."  
  
"Lighten up Cohen....It's about time you called me. All I ever get is voice mail at your house...Don't you guys return messages? How's Chino?"  
  
Seth rolled his eyes.  
  
"No and getting better. Which leads me to my next question...You want to come see him with me this afternoon?"  
  
Summer hesitated.  
  
"Um, yeah....okay....Is he up for having visitors? Coop mentioned he was still a little uh, ...off."  
  
"He um, his speech aphasia scared her...I know he'd like to see you."  
  
There was no answer on the other end.  
  
"Summer..Are you still there?"  
  
"Yeah, Cohen....um....uh...What's aphasia?"  
  
Seth shifted the phone to his other hand.  
  
"He kind of jumbles up his words. He sort of sounds like a 182 cm (5'9") three year old, but the grey matter between his ears works fine. It was just a little scrambled when the Rover flipped. He's getting better..The doctors don't think it's permanent. Don't worry it'll be fine...."  
  
Summer answered quietly.  
  
"What if I say something stupid?"  
  
Seth spoke gently.  
  
"You'll be fine..just be yourself...It's all good...Hey, can you pick me up...We need to go to the mall first."  
  
Summer laughed.  
  
"Cohen you are a man after my own heart..."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy arrive at the hospital around 3:30. They made their way up to Ryan's room before their meeting. They quietly walked in and saw that Ryan was sleeping. Kirsten leaned in and gave Ryan a kiss. Sandy leaned over and looked at Ryan.  
  
"He looks really peaceful...What did you say to him earlier?"  
  
Kirsten gently ran her fingers down the side of Ryan's face.  
  
"Just some things he needed to hear....Things I needed to say. He's still grieving the loss of his family and I wanted him to know that's okay. He's not betraying his mom by being with us. Dawn wanted him to have this life. She was willing to walk out of his world so she couldn't hurt him anymore...So he wouldn't have to look after her anymore.."  
  
Sandy pulled Kirsten into an embrace.  
  
"I know I've said it before, but you're such a good mom..."  
  
Kirsten gave Sandy a passionate kiss.  
  
"Maybe after our meeting I'll take you home and be a really naughty wife...."  
  
"Hey...not in front of Ryan...."  
  
Kirsten glanced at her foster son.  
  
"Sandy...he's asleep...He's doing that little twitching thing with his lip...He only does that when he's out like a light..."  
  
"Ch-chapter one....kid's hand-handbook.." replied a quiet voice from the bed. 


	11. chapter eleven

I'm kind of changing where I'm heading with this story. I was going to wrap it up but then my pre-synapsis terminal was getting all ferklempt, so I thought I'd run with it. Thanks for the reviews and encouragement (Walter). I don't own the characters, Fox does, I make no money from this and yes, I'm heavily medicated (joke).  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
Ryan tried to pour himself a glass of water from the blue jug on his bedside table. His hands were shaking. Water sloshed everywhere except in the cup. Frustrated he put the pitcher down. Anger rose at his inability to do something so simple like get his own water.  
  
He was tired. He was tired of the constant pain, the constant examinations and the constant flow of traffic in and out of his room. All he wanted was a freaking glass of water. The pain in his head erupted as he swept the jug and the cup and assorted books off the table with his right hand, his mind barely registering the additional pain of the IV twisting in the back of his hand. As quickly as the blinding pain appeared, it faded, leaving Ryan breathing erratically. Stunned at the suddenness and severity of the spasm he lay back on the pillows trying to catch his breath.  
  
"Ryan...are you awake?"  
  
Ryan shut his eyes tighter as he tried to contain his anger, mentally pushing all his raw emotions into a box in his mind. Snapping the lock shut, he opened his eyes and saw Seth and Summer. He tried to slow his breathing by taking in as deep breaths as his aching ribs would allow. He forced a smile on his face.  
  
"Hi...hey.Sum...mer......Seth....supposed to be.....out, not here..."  
  
Summer couldn't take her eyes off Ryan's head, the image of the red scar burning into her brain.  
  
Ryan looked at Summer. She met his look with a smile. Not one of pity or even fear, but a genuine smile. Ryan felt some of his apprehension fade and he relaxed.  
  
Seth gently nudged Summer and held up his bag.  
  
"We went to the mall....we had our 'date'...."  
  
Summer rolled her eyes.  
  
"....picked up a few accessories for you...."  
  
Ryan looked dubiously at the two of them.  
  
"Ax...ax..ess...ories..?"  
  
Summer took the bag and dumped it on Ryan's bed. A large assortment of hats flooded the bed. Seth reached into his knapsack and pulled out a crushed sombrero. Ryan looked puzzled and then smirked.  
  
"I ask...for lay..ladies worsted....worsted nylon bathing suit now..?"  
  
Seth laughed.  
  
"Way to remember dude....I told you Summer, the grey matter between his ears works fine."  
  
Summer shot Seth a dirty look.  
  
"Obviously that's some kind of a private joke because if that's your choice of swimwear then this relationship is over."  
  
Ryan picked up one of the hats and threw it at Seth, missing him and landing on the floor. Summer bent down, picked up the hat and noticed the puddle of water it landed in. She saw the jug, the cup and the books in the corner. She discreetly picked everything up and put them on the night stand. She opened the bottom drawer of the stand and pulled out a towel. She threw it on the floor, let it soak up the water and kicked it under the bed when she was done.  
  
Seth was unsuccessfully trying to get Ryan to put on a hat. Summer shook her head.  
  
"Cohen...I told you he wouldn't wear them."  
  
Summer dug through the pile and pulled out a plain navy baseball hat. No labels, no logos, no sports team.  
  
She gently placed it on his head.  
  
"There, that was my choice...."  
  
Ryan looked at her.  
  
"I like....need find one for Seth and you t-t-t-too."  
  
Summer looked at the hat covered bed.  
  
"EW!"  
  
The Cohen's meeting with Drs. Meyers and Michaels lasted nearly an hour. During that time the physicians carefully detailed everything involved in Ryan's homecare. They covered everything from pain management to Ryan's physiotherapy. Both doctors were pleased that Ryan's mental abilities hadn't been impaired by the accident. If everything went well and Ryan continued to progress as well as he'd been doing, the Cohens could take him home within a week. Dr. Meyers asked Sandy if they'd contacted any of the psychiatrists he'd recommended.  
  
Sandy nodded.  
  
"Dr. Rodriguez is meeting us here tomorrow morning. She wants to see Ryan."  
  
Dr. Meyers smiled.  
  
"You got Ynat out of retirement...and she's coming here..on a Saturday...? She must really like you..."  
  
Kirsten laughed.  
  
"We'll see how long that lasts..."  
  
Ryan's dinner tray was brought up. He had fallen asleep after his physical therapy that morning and missed lunch. As hungry as he was, he was dreading those three small glasses that had been his meals for the last few days. The kitchen porter lifted the lid. He smiled at Ryan and told him to enjoy his 'dinner'. Seth, Summer and Ryan all looked at the tray. Seth picked up the computerized menu sheet and tried to compare what was listed to what was on the tray. Summer was desperately trying not to giggle. Seth thought he had it figured out.  
  
"Okay Ryan...for your dining pleasure this evening we have 400 ml of French vanilla Ensure, which I'm guessing you've grown quite accustomed too, unsweetened applesauce..which would be in this lovely recyclable number three sized plastic bowl right here and this....this...this does not compute, Will Robinson...You're supposed to have chicken soup and as a member of the Tribe, I know chicken soup and I don't see chicken soup....I see light brown..uh, jello....Oh man, even my mom hasn't managed to do that to soup..."  
  
Summer grabbed the menu from Seth.  
  
"Cohen...it's gelled soup. It says here that this is a 'soft solid' tray. They gel the soup so Ryan can get used to solid food again and not choke on it..."  
  
Ryan looked at Summer.  
  
"Candy striper...I end up learning a lot about the hospital and how it runs. It's amazing how doctors and nurses forget I'm there when they talk to each other. I could probably perform a spleenectomy and If Seth bothers me, he'd be my first test subject..."  
  
Seth put his arms around Summer.  
  
"That's my girl..."  
  
Ryan could feel his hands start to shake again. He didn't want Seth and Summer to see it.  
  
"I tired...I eat l-l-later....need sleep..."  
  
Ryan closed his eyes, brought his hands under the blanket and hoped that they would take the hint and leave.  
  
"See...to-tomorrow..."  
  
Seth quickly gathered the hat assortment and put them back in the bag. He tossed the bag on the chair.  
  
"Yeah sure...I'll bring Marissa around as well...."  
  
Ryan waited to open his eyes until he was sure Seth and Summer were gone. It took a few minutes of struggling to open the wrapped straw. He fought to keep the building frustration from overpowering him. He sipped the thick white liquid and attempted to eat some of the applesauce, but his trembling made it impossible to co-ordinate the spoon to the bowl and back to anywhere near his mouth. He lay back in bed, this time he fell into the black refuge of sleep.  
  
******  
  
Sandy was jolted from his sleep for the third time that night. He quickly disengaged the recliner and leaned over Ryan who was locked in a desperate struggle with the monsters. Sweat was beading down the boy's bald head as he flailed his arms wildly. Sandy felt the familiar ache in his heart as he listened to Ryan cry out for his tormentor to leave him alone....to stop...to get his money back. Sandy held Ryan's wrists, speaking softly, trying to keep his voice low and calm.  
  
"Sh...sh...It's okay Ryan....You're safe....No one's going to hurt you again....I won't let them.....You're safe..."  
  
He felt Ryan's body relax once again, his breathing slowing to a steady pace.  
  
Sandy sat down heavily, just as a nurse came in to check on Ryan. Seeing Sandy visibly upset, she smiled sympathetically.  
  
"Another bad dream?"  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"I think it's the same one...."  
  
She leaned over to Ryan, ready to inject the Demerol into the IV.  
  
"Well, it looks like he ripped out his IV this time. It's been 6 hours since the last pain meds. I'm going to have to inject it directly into tissue."  
  
The nurse took a clean washcloth out of the night stand and pressed it onto Ryan's hand to stop the bleeding. She then gently rolled him partially on his side. Ryan's eyes flew open at the touch. Panicked, he started to struggle. The nurse stepped back. Sandy leaned over and made sure Ryan could see his face.  
  
"Ryan....It's okay.....I'm here....You ripped out your IV....You're alright....Can you hear me?"  
  
Ryan's quiet voice answered.  
  
"Yeah...."  
  
"Okay, good...You don't have your IV in your hand right now and it's time for your pain meds.....Do you understand..?"  
  
"Y---yeah...."  
  
"The nurse is going to have to roll down your pajama pants a little to give you a shot.....Is that okay?.........I'm here...I won't leave you alone..."  
  
"S'okay...."  
  
The nurse moved back towards the bed, her voice gently.  
  
"Hi Ryan....It's Liz.....I'm just going to give you something to make you feel better...Will you let me do that....?"  
  
"Yeah...."  
  
"Okay sweetie, first things first..I need you to roll over on your side just a little bit.."  
  
Sandy reached out and grasped Ryan's wrists, holding him steady.  
  
"Now I'm going to roll the waist band of your pants down a little....Can I do that?" "'kay..."  
  
Liz quickly opened the alcohol swab and slightly lowered Ryan's pajamas.  
  
"This will feel a little cold and then a little sting...There.....It's over..."  
  
She quickly pulled the waist band back up and rolled Ryan onto his back.  
  
"Now...let's see about this hand."  
  
From what she could see, the bleeding had stopped. She put a bandaid on the back of Ryan's hand. She pulled the covers back up over Ryan and gently admonished him.  
  
"Let your poor dad get some sleep now...."  
  
Liz quietly left the room. Ryan settled back into the pillows.  
  
"I sorry..."  
  
Sandy reached for Ryan's hand.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry about...Can you tell me what you were dreaming about?"  
  
Ryan hesitated.  
  
"I...don't know...always same.....hold me down....can't wake up....always same...."  
  
The Demerol started to make him sleepy. Sandy doubted that he would get anymore sleep that night.  
  
Saturday January 10  
  
The rest of the night was thankfully uneventful. Sandy did end up falling asleep again, listening to the steady rhythm of Ryan's breathing. Sandy became aware of someone else in the room. He opened his eyes and leveled the chair. A sturdy woman in the ugliest floral print suit that Sandy had ever seen was standing by the bed watching him and Ryan. Sandy looked over at his charge. Ryan looked peaceful for a change. Before Sandy could introduce himself, the woman held out her hand.  
  
"I'm Dr. Rodriguez...."  
  
Sandy shook her hand.  
  
"Sandy Cohen....We had a meeting at 10 am....What time is it...?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez looked back at Ryan.  
  
"It's 8:30...You should get cleaned up and call your wife. I have to meet with Ryan first."  
  
Sandy was unsure if he should mention the obvious fact that Ryan was sleeping.  
  
"I realize he's sleeping Mr. Cohen....I'll see you in 90 minutes." She said, dismissing him.  
  
Sandy caught a cab back to the house. He and Kirsten hadn't even thought about replacing the Rover yet. He'd left everything for their lawyer to handle, but hadn't had a chance to talk with her yet.  
  
Kirsten was surprised to see Sandy.  
  
"I was just going to come down to the hospital with a change of clothes for you....."  
  
"Thanks for the warm welcome.....I missed you too.."  
  
Kirsten hugged Sandy.  
  
"I'm sorry....I wasn't expecting you to come home before our meeting...."  
  
Sandy poured himself a cup of coffee.  
  
"I wasn't expecting to get kicked out of Ryan's room by Dr. Rodriguez."  
  
Kirsten looked puzzled.  
  
"But I thought we meet her at 10...."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"She wanted to meet with Ryan first..it didn't seem to matter to her that he was sleeping. I'm going to grab a shower...Care to join me.....?"  
  
Kirsten tried to look shocked.  
  
"Sandford Cohen...."  
  
Kirsten took a step forward, slowly unbuttoning her blouse.  
  
"I missed you....."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez settled into the chair. She pulled out a small spiral bound book and wrote some notes. She had studied the copy of Ryan's file that Sandy had faxed over to her yesterday. She had been surprised that Sandy had spent the night at the hospital. She was surprised when she found out Ryan had not spent more than a couple of hours alone since he was admitted. This whole case was somewhat unusual and that is what intrigued her. A well-to-do lawyer and his real estate developer wife with no experience in foster care become legal guardians of a 16 year old they had only known for two weeks. There must be something special about this family for Joshua Meyers to recommend her to the Cohens. She had grown weary of whiny patients who paid her to be their sounding board. They didn't want advice...they wanted validation. It offered her a great standard of living, but it also sucked her soul dry, so she locked her doors and called it quits...resurfacing only to do pro bono work for those that really needed and wanted help. This boy definitely needed help. The Cohens definitely were not pro bono.  
  
A breakfast tray was brought in. Dr. Rodriguez noticed how quiet the hospital staff was when they entered the room. As the porter left the room, the doctor heard moans coming from the bed. She pressed the call buzzer and listened to Ryan struggle.  
  
"...leave me alone...please stop....money....Dawn...."  
  
Liz quickly entered the room and lowered the side rails. Paul approached from the other side and did the same. Liz spoke quietly.  
  
"It's okay Ryan...Open your eyes...You can do it....It's just a dream.."  
  
Ryan began to thrash. Paul and Liz each held his arms.  
  
"Ryan, we need you to open your eyes....C'mon buddy...open them up and it will be over...."  
  
Ryan's eyes flew open, a look of terror painted on his face.  
  
Paul spoke first.  
  
"It's okay Ryan.....It's me..Paul....You're safe.....You're parents will be here any minute...."  
  
Ryan blinked several times, his body starting to relax.  
  
"Where's...where's..."  
  
"Sh...It's alright..." Liz let go of Ryan's arm.  
  
"Your dad had to go home for a few minutes....He'll be back soon....Are you okay now...?"  
  
Ryan nodded his head. Paul let go of his other arm, got up and raised the bed rail. He brought the bedside table over and uncovered Ryan's breakfast tray. Ryan's stomach twitched as he looked at the tray. Paul noticed the look on Ryan's face.  
  
"C'mon bud...if you don't start eating they're gonna end up tube feeding you....You'll never get out of here...."  
  
Ryan wasn't sure if that was a threat or a promise, but he pulled the tray closer. Soupy oatmeal replaced the chicken jello . 2 small glasses of Ensure and pureed banana rounded out the meal. Paul decided on a different tactic.  
  
"How about...you eat this, I'll take you down for physio and then we find a really pretty nurses aide to help you with a shower...hot water...soap..the works..."  
  
Ryan looked at his tray and then back at Paul. After a few seconds Paul had his answer. Ryan picked up the spoon and scooped up some oatmeal.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten arrived at the hospital at 9:50 and made their way to the appointed meeting room. Dr. Rodriguez was already there, still making notations in her book.  
  
Seth phoned the Cooper's number. Jimmy answered the phone. After a few initial pleasantries, he asked about Ryan.  
  
"He's doing better" Seth told him. "I know he'd really like to see Marissa..Is she up for a visit to see her former soon to be present neighbour also known as her boyfriend with me this afternoon?"  
  
Jimmy hesitated.  
  
"Well...I'm sure she would...."  
  
Seth interrupted.  
  
"...But....."  
  
Jimmy sighed.  
  
"She has plans with Oliver this afternoon..." 


	12. chapter twelve

If I could buy the characters of the OC I would, but I highly doubt Fox and Josh Schwartz would sell them to me. I'm currently whacked out on cold medication and anti depressants so this chapter serves as a segue to what is going on in my pharmaceutical addled mind. Miserable kids, they weren't supposed to make me sick, they were just supposed to keep their hacking, coughing, sneezing and wheezing to themselves.  
  
Of course, all disclaimers apply and no currency has exchanged hands.  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Dr. Rodriguez looked up from her notes and made a motion for Sandy and Kirsten to sit down.  
  
"What are you expecting therapy will accomplish for Ryan?"  
  
The Cohens were startled at the doctor's brusque manner. Kirsten looked at the doctor and ugly suit aside, she was not getting a good feeling from her.  
  
"I beg your pardon..?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez looked at Kirsten and spoke slower.  
  
"What....are.....you......expecting....therapy......will..... accomplish.....for.....Ryan?"  
  
45 seconds into the meeting and Kirsten was ready to rip Dr. Rodriguez' face off. Sandy held onto Kirsten's hand, squeezing it in an attempt to calm his wife down.  
  
"Dr. Rodriguez, the only thing we're expecting is that Ryan will be able to deal with issues from his past and move forward.....We're not looking for a bandaid solution to cover the crap he's had to deal with....we want him to come to terms with it....we want..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez held up her hand, silencing Sandy. She turned back to Kirsten.  
  
"Does he always speak for you...?"  
  
Kirsten exploded, all the emotions she had worked so hard to bottle up over the last 10 days shot out at Dr. Rodriguez like a guided missile.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU! WE CAME TO YOU FOR HELP WITH OUR SON! WE ALMOST LOST RYAN AND SETH IN AN ACCIDENT SOMEONE ELSE CAUSED. NOW WE MIGHT LOSE RYAN ANYWAY BECAUSE EVERYTHING HE'S TRIED TO FORGET ABOUT HIS PAST IS COMING BACK TO HIM AND WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HIM!......We can't just wave a magical wand and....make it all go away...."  
  
Tears started to flow freely down Kirsten's face.  
  
"We just want Ryan to....we want....."  
  
Kirsten was unable to finish. Sandy held Kirsten and glared at the psychiatrist, his voice controlled and icy.  
  
"You know what.....just forget it....We'll find someone else....we're sorry to have bothered you....."  
  
Dr Rodriguez' demeanor changed.  
  
"I apologize for upsetting you. I needed to know you were serious about Ryan's therapy. I read the file you sent, and from what Joshua told me, this is not going to be a quick fix. The first step will be making Ryan comfortable with the whole idea of therapy. Judging from his physical condition, this isn't something you've had a chance to discuss with him...."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"Helping Ryan deal with his past is not going to be easy. It won't be pretty. Everything he's worked so hard at burying is going to have to be brought to the surface. He's going to get angry and he's not always going to know how to handle what comes out....I need to know that you can deal with this.....that you as a family are prepared for the emotional fallout..."  
  
Kirsten regained her composure.  
  
"Our family includes Ryan....We'll deal with whatever happens together..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez nodded.  
  
"As his therapist all of our conversations will be privileged. The only time I will inform you of what was discussed will be if Ryan is in danger of hurting himself or someone else. He needs to know that he can tell me anything without fear of reprisal or reprimand....Does he have a safe haven in the house....a place he can go to be alone if he needs it....."  
  
Kirsten looked at the doctor.  
  
"He sleeps in the pool house....."  
  
Kirsten faltered, realizing how strange that sounded.  
  
Sandy cautiously finished the sentence for her, not wanting a repeat of Dr. Rodriguez' sarcastic remark about him speaking for Kirsten.  
  
"When Ryan first came to stay with us, it was only going to be for a couple of days so he stayed in the pool house...It's more of a guest house.....We never really used it much. After we became his legal guardians we wanted to give him a room in the main house, but he said he liked it out there.....It's actually become an extension of our house. We think of it more as Ryan's room as opposed to a pool house..."  
  
The doctor looked at both of them.  
  
"I saw Ryan earlier this morning as you know. After you left he had a nightmare. The nurse told me he's been having them frequently since he regained consciousness."  
  
Sandy's face became solemn.  
  
"He had 3 last night and now 1 this morning....From what I can tell and what he can tell me about them is they're always about the same thing. All he remembers is that he's being held down and he can't wake up....."  
  
"Does this dream have anything to do with the episode he had a few days ago when your father came to visit...?"  
  
Kirsten answered.  
  
"We think so....We...we weren't here when it happened but from what my dad and Seth told us, Ryan panicked when he saw my dad....He thought my dad was there to.....was going to.....I can't even say it out loud...."  
  
"It's okay....Joshua called me for a consultation after it happened. He filled me in on the details as he understood them."  
  
Sandy looked perplexed.  
  
"..Joshua....Who's Joshua?"  
  
Dr Rodriguez qualified her statement.  
  
"Dr. Meyers...He called me and asked if I would be willing to take Ryan as a patient if you contacted me. I wasn't sure I was going to until I met him this morning. Once I made up my mind I would help him, I needed to know how committed you two were. Therapy will only help your son if I have your complete co-operation. You need to be in this for the duration. I do not want to be second guessed during treatment and I'm not going to be your friend. I won't tell you things just to make you feel better. I won't stroke your ego, but I will tell you the truth and I will help Ryan get better...  
  
Ryan stood under the shower, letting the warm water run over his shoulders. He was momentarily startled when he went to wash his hair, but instead of feeling it he felt bare skin and a raised scar. He carefully shifted positions and let the water cascade over his chest and torso. It felt so good to be able to do something as simple as take a shower.  
  
"Are you okay in there Sugar....?"  
  
Ryan smiled.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"I'm giving you 5 more minutes Sugar. If you're not done I'll have to come in and get you...."  
  
" 'Kay......"  
  
Ryan finished rinsing himself off, holding onto the hand rail. He shut the water off, wiping water from his face with his hand. He looked for the grab bar to steady himself as he took a couple of unsure steps to where his clean clothes were. Toweling himself off, he sat down in a chair. He looked at the incisions on his chest. A neat row of surgical staples held it closed. Small black stitches closed the site of his central IV. He looked at the old scars dotting his arms and ran his fingers down the scar on his left forearm. More scars for the collection. Ryan was determined to get dressed by himself before Maggie, the nurses aide came in. He just finished pulling his sweatpants over his still damp legs when she came in.  
  
"Sugar..I thought you were going to let me help you get dressed...." she said in her pronounced southern drawl. "At least let me help you with your shirt.."  
  
Ryan held his breath as Maggie eased a white t-shirt over his head. She smoothed his shirt down and placed his walker in front of him.  
  
Ryan smiled at Maggie as he pulled himself up.....his ribs painfully reminding him to take it slow. With her hand on his arm, she guided Ryan back to his bed. He slowly sat on the edge of it and swung his legs up. Turning, he leaned back and sighed.  
  
"Th-th-thank-you...feel better now..."  
  
Maggie smiled back.  
  
"Sugar, those baby blues of yours make me wish I was 50 years younger...."  
  
"So, how long have you known Ryan...?"  
  
Oliver and Marissa were sitting outside a small restaurant on the pier. Marissa played with her French fries. Oliver watched her intently.  
  
"I don't know...6 months maybe...."  
  
Oliver smiled, his eyes boring holes into Marissa's head.  
  
"How'd you guys meet..?"  
  
"He was staying with the Cohen's for a couple of days.....I thought he was their cousin from Boston...."  
  
"And...."  
  
Marissa looked up at Oliver.  
  
"And what....?"  
  
Oliver's eyes flickered and his too bright smile faded slightly.  
  
"I'll tell you all about Natalie if you tell me all about Ryan..."  
  
Marissa picked up a French fry, swirled it in ketchup and put it down again.  
  
"Well, he wasn't their cousin from Boston, he was a ...um.....a client of Sandy's...."  
  
"Sandy's..?"  
  
"Mr. Cohen....He's a...he was a public defender. He works for a big law firm now....Ryan was....."  
  
Marissa was unsure if she should continue. Oliver patted her hand reassuringly.  
  
"It's okay....You don't have to tell me if it's some big secret....."  
  
Marissa shook her head.  
  
"No....It's not a secret.....It's pretty much common knowledge....It's all anybody talked about when Sandy first brought him into the community..."  
  
"Well then....Shouldn't I hear the truth instead of gossip...?"  
  
Oliver's smile broadened but his eyes still flickered.  
  
"I guess it's okay...Ryan was arrested in Chino when his brother stole a car. Sandy was Ryan's lawyer. After Sandy got him out of jail, Ryan's mom's boyfriend beat him up and then she threw him out. He stayed with the Cohen's for the weekend, but for some reason Sandy drove him back to his mom's house on the Sunday morning, but his mom moved out. Nobody knew where she went. His dad was in jail, his brother was in jail, so Sandy brought him back to his house until he could reach child services the next day..."  
  
"That's rough....." Oliver tried to sound sincere. He wanted as much information on Ryan as possible.  
  
Marissa continued.  
  
"Ryan didn't want to go into foster care so he tried taking off that night. Seth, the Cohen's son and I tried to hide him in Kirsten Cohen's housing development. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but the house burned down and Ryan was arrested again. Kirsten ended up dropping all the charges and got him out of juvenile hall. Sandy found his mom and brought her back, but she ended up getting drunk and she left him again. The Cohen's took legal custody of him and he's been living with them ever since...."  
  
"You know what....?" Oliver asked, his smile hiding the venom in his eyes. "I think we should visit Ryan in the hospital...I'm sure he'll be happy to see you....."  
  
Marissa hesitated.  
  
"I ...I don't know if that's a good idea...I mean, he's not talking very well....Kirsten said he has speech aphasia...and....and the doctor's had him restrained to the bed the last time I was there....."  
  
"Jackpot!!" Oliver thought.  
  
"Well, I think a visit would be just the thing to cheer him up..don't you?"  
  
Kirsten and Sandy visited Ryan after enjoying a leisurely lunch. They tried to come up with the best way to broach the subject of therapy with Ryan. Ultimately they decided there was no best way, so they would tip-toe around the subject until they could talk about it.  
  
Ryan's eyes were closed as they entered his room. An empty lunch tray sat on his bedside table. Kirsten's copy of "A Prayer For Owen Meany" lay on his chest. As Kirsten removed the book, Ryan opened his eyes.  
  
"Hey...."  
  
Sandy smiled.  
  
"Hey to you too.....How're you feeling....?"  
  
Ryan yawned."  
  
'M'okay....sleepy book made me...."  
  
Ryan looked at Kirsten. "S-s-s-seth tell me your fav.....favourite book...it..it's good....lot's thinking..."  
  
Kirsten put the book on the nightstand.  
  
"It's one of those books where you can read it over again and always find something new in it...Something you didn't see the first time....So.....How did your morning go....?"  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
" 'Kay....walk better...no IV..in hand 'more....had shower...read book....get pain shot in butt....Want go home.....?"  
  
The last part of the statement was more of a question. Sandy sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"We met with the doctors yesterday and they think if you continue to do as well as you have been, they're going to let you come home in about a week.... You'll have physio and speech therapy on an out patient basis..."  
  
Sandy stopped, unsure of how to continue.....He looked at Kirsten for support. Ryan watched the two of them.  
  
"S-s-s-something....else...?"  
  
Kirsten picked up where Sandy left off, trying to choose her words carefully.  
  
"There's one other doctor we'd like you to see....Her name is Dr. Rodriguez....She's....."  
  
"You th-th-think I crazy now...?"  
  
Ryan's eyes flashed painfully. Kirsten gently cupped Ryan's face in her hands.  
  
"No way..no how...but you've been having nightmares and it's happening more and more. There are things in your past you need to deal with and Sandy and I aren't equipped to help you..I don't even think you want us to know what those things are. You've always tried to protect us from them.....the only thing we can do is to arrange for you to talk to someone..."  
  
"Talk don't make go 'way". Ryan said in a soft voice, closing his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at Sandy and Kirsten. Sandy leaned in closer.  
  
"Talking to Dr. Rodriguez might help you move on....It could make the nightmares stop..."  
  
Ryan opened his eyes.  
  
"She tell you what I say....?"  
  
"No...that's the deal....whatever you say to her, what ever you talk about stays with her...It's confidential.."  
  
Ryan slowly nodded his head.  
  
" 'Kay..." 


	13. chapter thirteen

I have no clue as to where this story is going. I am merely a hostage to the ramblings of my mind. Thank you so very much to all who have reviewed. Your response has thrilled me to no end. All legal matters have been addressed in the previous chapters but to reiterate, don't own, don't sue, don't hate me because I'm Canadian.  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
Seth was starting to bounce off the walls. He was used to being alone. He had always been a self-proclaimed social outcast, but now that Ryan had given him his first real friendship, coupled with the realizations that not everyone in Newport was a pod person and that there was a whole world outside of his 4 walls, he didn't like being alone. He liked his solitude yes, he did enjoy his own company, but being alone....? Seth sighed. Summer was volunteering at the hospital, Mom and Dad were in a meeting with a doctor, his grandfather had some business matters to take care of, Marissa was with Oliver.....who the hell was Oliver anyway.....? None of these thoughts answered the burning question of how he was going to get to the hospital to see Ryan.  
  
In an "aha!.........light bulb over his head moment" Seth ran to his bedroom and searched his dresser drawers and nightstand. He counted all the change he found. That, added to the 5 bucks in his wallet would be enough to get a cab to the hospital. He made sure he had his debit card so he could hit a bank machine later. He quickly changed into the vintage Ramones t-shirt that Ryan had given him for Christmukkah. He was thrilled it hadn't been ruined in the crash. He had actually refused treatment until the ER staff promised him they wouldn't cut the shirt off. He threw new copies of Legion and Titans in his knapsack and scooped up the pile of change into his pocket. Grabbing his pack, he went into the kitchen. He was just about to call for a cab when he heard the front door open. He walked into the foyer, phone in hand.  
  
"Hey mom......Even better....."  
  
"Why....?" Kirsten deadpanned. "Were you expecting your father?"  
  
"Hey, another 3 letter word for hilarious....M-O-M....save that one for later. Has everyone grown a sense of humour now....? I need a ride to see Ryan....."  
  
"Okay, one second Seth....I have to get a few things for Ryan...."  
  
Seth followed his mom into the pool house.  
  
"Did you spring the idea of a shrink on Ryan?"  
  
Kirsten stopped and put her hands on her hips.  
  
"Therapist Seth, and yes we did. He was surprisingly under-whelmed about it...but.....he did agree to go."  
  
Kirsten opened the pool house door and walked in. She stood there a moment with Seth right behind her. She couldn't bring herself to go in there since the accident, but it was like she was seeing it for the very first time. It seemed so empty, so devoid of life. Ryan was always obsessively neat. School books were neatly piled largest to smallest on his desk. His CD collection, growing thanks to his job at the Crab Shack were placed alphabetically by genre and artist in CD racks, all lined up perfectly straight. Nothing was out of order. Books on the bookcase were also sorted alphabetically. The boy was a living, breathing Dewey decimal system. But without Ryan in the room, the pool house was once again just a pool house, not a part of their family home.  
  
Kirsten reached down to the nightstand and picked up the family Christmukkah card that she had framed and given to Ryan in his stocking. His smile was so genuine...all of theirs were.....it was like the family was complete.....  
  
Seth put his arms around his mom and whispered  
  
"He'll be home in a few days..."  
  
Kirsten smiled and gave Seth a kiss on his forehead. He used to hate that before Ryan came into their lives. There was something about Ryan that allowed Sandy and Kirsten to re-connect with Seth, to cut through the typical teenaged aloofness that plagued most kids, something that brought Seth out of himself.  
  
Kirsten moved to the closet. Seth had flopped on the bed, wrinkling the perfectly straight covers. As Kirsten peered into the closet a flash of colour caught her eyes. She looked up and saw the Christmas presents sent from Dawn and Trey, still wrapped, sitting on the top shelf.  
  
She had so wanted to spoil Ryan this holiday, but she knew he would already be uncomfortable enough, so she restrained herself, buying him some clothes from Gap and Campus Crew, some books and a discman. Ryan looked shell- shocked Christmas morning, his eyes conveying the gratitude that his mouth could not.  
  
He had shyly brought forth the gifts he had bought for them. The vintage Ramones t-shirt that stunned Seth into speechlessness. A Solomon Burke album for Sandy....not a CD but an honest to goodness vinyl record. Sandy held it like it was the Holy Grail as he fingered the shrink wrap.  
  
"How.......Where did you find this....?"  
  
Ryan had just shrugged and gave Sandy a half smile. His smile faded as he hesitatingly gave Kirsten her present. Kirsten remembered the small box, carefully wrapped; the corners perfect angles held together with double sided tape. Ryan had watched her intently as she carefully pulled on the ribbon, it falling lightly into her lap. Ryan's eyes never left hers as she slowly unwrapped the box. Opening it, she pulled out a small porcelain music box. It was so delicate looking. Kirsten lifted the lid and strains of Schumann's "Dreaming" filled the room. Tears filled her eyes. How did Ryan remember that Kirsten's mother would play that on the piano for her when she was small and couldn't fall asleep....She knew she mentioned it once when she found Ryan sitting in a deck chair unable to sleep but.....  
  
"I'm sorry......I didn't mean to upset you....." Ryan said in a small voice.  
  
Kirsten had reached over and pulled Ryan into a hug. It was the first time she had done that. She knew that Ryan was uncomfortable with that much physical contact, but she wanted him to know how much his gift meant to her. He didn't flinch at her touch, but it took a moment for him to return the hug. It was a perfect day.....  
  
Kirsten sighed....That day seemed like a life time ago.....  
  
"Mom!.........What's wrong....Did the monsters get you?"  
  
Seth was now standing beside Kirsten, looking into Ryan's closet.  
  
"Okay...no monsters living here.....they're probably scared of this closet. You know....I think they medicate for being this neat...."  
  
Shirts were grouped together according to style. Colours went from darkest to lightest. Jeans were separated from twill. Kirsten smiled and looked at Seth.  
  
"You could learn something from Ryan's example..."  
  
Seth snorted.  
  
"Yeah right.....It's easy to be this organized when one lacks diversity in their wardrobe. I mean it's a good look for Ryan, but it's a little too bland for yours truly....."  
  
Kirsten closed the closet door.  
  
"Seth, I think we're going to have to pick up some sweats for Ryan at the mall..."  
  
"But Mom......"  
  
"Seth....we could spend a couple hours together....You could check out an electronics store....."  
  
Seth rolled his eyes and then became serious.  
  
"We just finished Christmukkah and although I hate it when Christmukkah ends, there is absolutely nothing else I want.....The only thing I need is for Ryan to come home....."  
  
Kirsten put her arms around her son and kissed the top of his curly head. Although this years holiday celebration had been considerable scaled down from the gift extravaganza it had been in the past, this holiday had been the most satisfying, the most joyful since Seth's first one when they were living in Berkeley. They struggled financially at the time with Sandy as a struggling law clerk, but there was so much joy and laughter in their small apartment as they watched Seth play with the boxes and torn wrapping paper, leaving his gifts unexplored for a couple of days....  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed. The physio therapist just finished taking him on a tour around the floor. Ryan was becoming proficient with the walker and the therapist told Ryan that he'd be trading in the walker for a cane the next day. Sandy had watched for a few minutes before his pager had gone off. It was one of the lawyers from the firm, needing some more information on a case she had taken over for Sandy after Ryan's accident.  
  
Ryan insisted that Sandy go and take care of business. Now as he lay back in bed he let his mind close. He became aware of someone leaning over him. Ryan opened his eyes and saw Marissa standing there with some guy.  
  
"Hey Ryan.....I hope we didn't wake you...."  
  
Marissa leaned further in and kissed Ryan's cheek. As she straightened up, her head knocked Ryan's hat, exposing his shaved head and brutal scar. Marissa recoiled. There was an uncomfortable silence before she recovered.  
  
"Ryan...this is Oliver......he wanted to meet you...."  
  
Oliver flashed his too bright smile.  
  
"Nice to meet you.....Marissa's told me all about you......"  
  
There was something about Oliver that Ryan didn't like, but he couldn't put his finger on it.  
  
"H-h-h-ey...." Ryan managed to stammer out. "Y-y-y-you f-f-f-riend.... 'Rissa.....?"  
  
Damn! Why wouldn't his mouth co-operate. Ryan saw the look of disappointment on Marissa's face. Oliver did as well.  
  
"Yeah...I've know Marissa for a little while......we have some things in common."  
  
Oliver was not about to divulge that he met Marissa in the waiting room of a therapist's office. Marissa nervously fingered her cast before she made an excuse to call her dad. She left the room, tears in her eyes.  
  
Oliver's eyes followed Marissa out the door. He turned back to Ryan, his smile forced.....his eyes cold.  
  
"So Marissa tells me you're the Cohen's pet charitable cause.....I've got to hand it to you 'cause you've scored yourself one sweet deal, but don't you ever wonder what's going to happen when they've had enough of you? I mean.....your own mother didn't want you......"  
  
Ryan stared at Oliver, his mind trying to wrap around the garbage Oliver was speaking....It was garbage wasn't it....?  
  
"Y-y-y-you know m-m-me don't....."  
  
SHIT! Why couldn't his words come out right...?  
  
Oliver laughed cruelly.  
  
"You sound like a retard....like some head case.....Marissa deserves so much better than you and I'm going to give it to her......She's only using you to get back at her mother....."  
  
Before he could finish his taunt, Marissa came back into the room, her eyes red and puffy. Despite the obvious fact she had been crying, Marissa was composed and she held Ryan's hand.  
  
"I talked to my dad.....I have to go and pack up my stuff...We're moving back into our house.....We'll be neighbours again and I can come over anytime I want....Isn't that great?"  
  
Ryan could only nod. Marissa bent down and gave Ryan a tender kiss on the lips. She then lifted Ryan's hat. She gently covered the top of his head with kisses and put his baseball hat back down.  
  
"I hope that makes it feel better....I'll see you soon..."  
  
Oliver added  
  
"I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of each other...."  
  
Ryan gave Marissa a small wave and then closed his eyes, not wanting to see Oliver's Chesire cat grin. He felt the pain start behind his eyes again, building until it became white hot. He closed his eyes tighter and clenched his shaking hands into tight fists, waiting for the pain to subside. Tears escaped out of his eyes, despite his attempts to hold them back. The pain had disappeared as quickly as it started. Unclenching his fists he quickly wiped the tears away. He fights to control his breathing, trying not to aggravate his broken ribs.  
  
"Are you okay.....?"  
  
Ryan opened his eyes. Caleb Nichol was standing at the foot of the bed.  
  
"Yeah..... 'm okay....."  
  
Ryan's mind started to race. He fought to push back the things Oliver had said to him. He didn't know this ass hat so why would it matter what he thought. But still.....Is that what Marissa thought too? Oliver had managed to zero in on Ryan's self-doubts and twist them. It took a few moments to cram his thoughts into the box in his mind, the lock now straining to keep everything contained.  
  
Caleb stepped forward and sat in a chair beside the bed. Ryan looked at Seth's grandfather curiously.  
  
Caleb cleared his throat.  
  
"I wanted to see how you were doing. Seth told me you were doing well...that you're walking now.....That's great.....You'll be home soon...."  
  
Ryan nodded, not trusting his voice. If someone he'd just met thought he sounded like a....what would Caleb think?  
  
Caleb got up and pulled a large hard-cover book out of a bag and handed it to Ryan.  
  
The shaking in Ryan's hands had subsided somewhat but they still trembled as he held the book. It was a book on architecture and design.  
  
"Kirsten told me you're interested in becoming an architect....."  
  
Ryan looked up at Caleb.  
  
"Yeah...y-yes.."  
  
Caleb smiled.  
  
"Good....We need one of those in the family..."  
  
Ryan was unsure how to respond. Caleb used the words home and family....(pet charitable cause....what will happen when they've had enough ... Oliver's voice screamed out from the locked box inside his brain).  
  
"I should go..I just wanted to see for myself that you're doing better...."  
  
Caleb got up.  
  
Ryan focused his mental energy.  
  
"Thanks f-for the b-book..."  
  
Caleb nodded and left the room. He hurried down the corridor and escaped into his Jag. Starting the engine, he felt the cool breeze provided by the air conditioner. He opened the small humidor on the console between the front seats and pulled out a Macanudo Ascot. He unwrapped it, tipped it with the guillotine and lit it. The sweetly pungent smoke from the small hand-wrapped Dominican cigar filled his lungs and his car. Caleb savoured it and then exhaled.  
  
"Well, that visit went much better than the last one...."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan's mind was working overtime. His mental box of self doubt, repressed memories and emotional time bombs was breaking at the seams. He forced himself to take slow deep breaths. Ignoring the pain, he closed his eyes and began to mentally construct a bigger, stronger box. To the outside world, it may have looked like he was sleeping, but Ryan was working frantically, desperately trying to build the box...no.....more like a vault....The building continued at a frenetic pace. Outwardly Ryan's breathing slowed and his eyes were now open but vacant.  
  
Shut down was complete.  
  
Paul came in with Ryan's dinner tray. Kirsten and Seth had been watching Ryan for the past hour. At first they had thought he had merely fallen asleep with his eyes open. Teenagers were notorious for doing that, especially during a long winded lecture, but it had now been over an hour and Ryan was still unresponsive. Paul put down the tray and flashed a light in Ryan's eyes. There was no reaction....He took Ryan's blood pressure and temperature, both falling within normal range.  
  
"Ryan....can you hear me....?"  
  
Ryan heard him. He had heard Seth and Kirsten as well. He just couldn't stop the construction going on in his mind. The vault was almost finished, He needed to get it done before the box tore apart, spewing forth everything he'd worked so hard to contain. Every punch, every kick, every horrible thing ever done or said to Ryan were threatening to expose themselves. He had to finish...He needed to focus....Just a little more concrete left to be poured over the tightly woven rebar.  
  
"Ryan..."  
  
He smoothed the final bit of concrete into place with a trowel.  
  
"Are you alright.......?"  
  
Ryan's eyes came back into focus. He was greeted by the concerned looks of Kirsten, Seth and Paul.  
  
Ryan spoke first.  
  
"H-h-hey...."  
  
Seth shook his head and spoke softly.  
  
"Dude...where did you go....?" 


	14. chapter fourteen

Sorry it took so long to update. Silly things like family and work got in the way. Christmas does not, however count as a silly thing....Neither does family, but work? It's a good thing I love my job. Thanks again for your reviews and input.  
  
I don't own them, Fox and Josh Schwartz won't sell them, but they don't seem to mind us playing with them as long as we give characters back. All the usual and unusual disclaimers apply and if the powers that be come after me, I will claim a mental defect.  
  
Chapter Fourteen.  
  
"I be here....." Ryan said softly.  
  
Paul leaned over and checked Ryan's pupils again. This time they were responsive. Paul shook his head.  
  
"I'm going to call Dr. Meyers just to be on the safe side...."  
  
Paul left, leaving a concerned Kirsten and Seth. Ryan looked at them.  
  
"Why look you.....look.....m-m-m-e ...l-l-l-like...."  
  
Ryan stopped himself, inwardly screaming "Shit....shit.....SHIT!........."  
  
"retard,...headcase....retard....." whispered from inside the vault.  
  
Kirsten waited for Ryan to finish his sentence. Instead, Ryan drew his knees up to his chest and brought his head down, ignoring the growing pain from that position. Kirsten gently rubbed his back.  
  
"It's okay sweetie....It'll get better.....Your words will come back...."  
  
"I want alone...."  
  
Ryan's voice was barely audible.  
  
"Need be alone....."  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"I can't do that Ryan....Dr. Meyers is coming to see you. Why don't you eat something while we're waiting...."  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"No hungry......need alone......."  
  
With that, Ryan lay back on the bed and curled over to his side, wincing as he did. The pain shot through his chest, his ribs protesting the shift in position. He closed his eyes tightly to keep the tears from escaping. As much as he wanted to be alone, he was relieved when he felt Kirsten's hand gently rubbing small circles on his back. Ryan forced his way through the curtain separating the darkness from the light and hid in a corner, retreating further into the shadows.  
  
Kirsten listened as Ryan's breathing slowed. She watched as his face relaxed. Seth took a few steps closer to the bed and stared down at his sleeping brother.  
  
"I wish I knew how to help him Mom...."  
  
"So do I sweetie, so do I..."  
  
* * *  
  
Kirsten decided to wait in the hallway for Dr. Meyers. Seth wanted to stay with Ryan. Kirsten smiled sadly as she watched Seth step into the "protector" role...a role Ryan had taken upon himself soon after meeting Seth. She had been amazed at how quickly the two of them had bonded. They were so different. Seth was gregarious and eccentric. Ryan was introverted and quiet. Seth was confident in his abilities, except when it came to girls. He had decided at an early age if his peers didn't like him that was their problem. He would stay true to himself. Ryan, on the other hand, wore a mask.. He seemed to be whomever someone wanted him to be. His emotions were closely guarded. Seth wore his like one of his beloved graphic t- shirts. It had only been in the last couple of months that glimpses of the real Ryan were allowed to peek through his armour. He had a dry, sarcastic sense of humour and a quick wit. Kirsten frowned when she realized why those traits had been buried. Any type of comment or remark had probably been met with a backhand across the mouth or worse, so silence and downcast eyes became his method of survival...  
  
"Mrs. Cohen....?"  
  
Kirsten looked up and saw Dr. Meyers.  
  
"Paul paged me and told me what happened with Ryan. I'm going to check him over."  
  
Kirsten nodded and followed the doctor into Ryan's room. He walked over to Ryan's bed to wake him up.  
  
"Ryan.....It's me, Dr. Meyers.....I need you to wake up for a few minutes, okay.....C'mon buddy.....open your eyes......"  
  
Ryan opened his eyes. Dr. Meyers smiled at him.  
  
"Okay Ryan...I'll make this quick, alright?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"I'll need you to roll over on your back...."  
  
Ryan moved onto his back. Dr. Meyers saw the unmistakable look of pain on the boy's face.  
  
"When was the last time you had pain meds Ryan?"  
  
Ryan closed his eyes for a second and then answered.  
  
"M-m-m-m-morning......"  
  
Dr. Meyers quickly confirmed this with the medical chart at the end of the bed. He then reached over and pressed the call button, asking for the pain medication to be brought to the room. He then took out his pen light and shone it in Ryan's eyes.  
  
"Are you having any dizziness or sudden pain in your head?"  
  
Ryan hesitated before nodding.  
  
"P-p-p-p-ain....eyes...."  
  
Paul came in and handed a syringe to Dr. Meyers. He then spoke softly to Ryan.  
  
"Okay buddy.....I'll help you onto your side...same as before..."  
  
Kirsten unconsciously held Seth tighter as she watched Ryan flinch and tense up as Dr. Meyers lowered his pajama pants. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut as he fought to keep his breathing steady.  
  
"Okay...done...."  
  
Dr. Meyers announced as he pulled up Ryan's pajamas and disposed of the syringe in the yellow container on the wall. He then looked at Kirsten.  
  
"I'm going to go ahead and schedule another CT scan for tomorrow morning. I'll let you know the time. He turned back to Ryan.  
  
"I want you to eat your dinner before you go back to sleep. I'll have a warm tray brought up for you..."  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
" 'S'okay...."  
  
Seth busied himself with the dinner tray. He handed Ryan the first of his two glasses of liquid tofu, baby formula, meal in a glass or whatever it was that had become the staple of Ryan's meals. He finished both glasses and tried to swallow a few bites of his unidentifiable entrée. He could feel his stomach start to rebel.  
  
"D-d-done...."  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"Ryan...you need to eat if you're going to get stronger..."  
  
Ryan rolled onto his side and tried to sit up.  
  
"What's wrong Ryan....?"  
  
He held out his hand to Kirsten.  
  
"N-n-n-need...w-wash...wash--------room..."  
  
Seth quickly reached out for Ryan's other arm. The guided him to the washroom. He shook off any further attempts to help him as he closed the washroom door. He tried to take as deep breaths as his ribs would allow. He waited for his stomach to settle. Once it did, he made his way to the toilet and relieved himself. With slow, halting steps he made his way back to the sink. He washed his hands and face. He avoided looking in the mirror as he reached for a disposable toothbrush. When he was done he rinsed his face and hands once more and opened the door. Kirsten and Seth were standing there, both looking worried.  
  
"I okay..."  
  
They got him settled back into bed. Ryan curled over once again, much more comfortable thanks to the Demerol. He closed his eyes and searched for his dark, safe corner. Drawing himself tighter into himself he murmured.  
  
"I need alone....."  
  
* * *  
  
The Cohen's spent a quiet evening at home. Seth had retreated to his room, turned on his stereo and flopped on his bed, drifting off to sleep within minutes. Kirsten was unsure about leaving Ryan, ultimately deciding to give the boy some space. Maybe he felt uncomfortable with all the hovering and attention, but it's what they would have done for Seth if the roles were reversed. Maybe Ryan didn't feel as strongly about his place in their family as they did. It was something they'd all have to work on to get him to feel like he was an intrinsic part of their family. His family.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten lingered on the patio over a glass of merlot. They held hands as they listened to the ocean. It wasn't long before they went to bed as well.  
  
Sunday, January 11  
  
Seth was the first one up. He padded into the kitchen and started the coffee. He opened up the fridge and pulled out a package of turkey bacon and a carton of eggs. He opened the bacon and lay the strips in a cold pan as he had watched Ryan do most Sunday mornings. He turned the burner on and waited for the familiar sizzling sound. Grabbing a bowl he cracked some eggs, adding worcestershire and tabasco to them before he whisked the mixture. Once the bacon was finished, he removed it onto a paper towel covered plate. He then dumped the eggs into the frying pan. He placed four pieces of bread into the toaster. Moving quickly, he stirred the eggs as they started to set. His parents entered the kitchen just as Seth removed the pan from the burner. They watched him, amused as he spoke to himself.  
  
"Okay..pour coffee....plate breakfast...call Mom and Dad....See....not so hard...."  
  
"Smells great" Sandy said, startling Seth.  
  
"Yeah...um....w-we haven't done this for a while..." he stammered.  
  
* *  
  
Ryan slowly made his way from his safety zone and opened his eyes. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the daylight.  
  
"Good morning Sugar..."  
  
Maggie came into focus.  
  
"I'm going to take you down for your CT scan....Do you need to make a pit stop first?"  
  
Ryan nodded and he allowed Maggie to guide him to the washroom. As awkward as it was to move around and do his business, this was much better than the catheter he had to deal with before he became mobile enough to use the facilities. He washed his hands and brushed his teeth. Holding on to the sink for dear life with one hand, Ryan opened the door. Maggie was waiting with a wheelchair. She held onto him as he lowered himself into it. He gave her a shy smile.  
  
"You ready Sugar...?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"Okay, let's go...."  
  
* * * *  
  
The Cohens arrived just as Ryan was being brought back into his room. He looked even paler than he had the last couple of days. Maggie helped him get settled back into bed. She smiled at the Cohens.  
  
"Dr. Meyers will be up soon to talk to you about the results..." She looked down at Ryan. "Sugar, you make sure you eat your breakfast or else I'm going to have to come back and spoon feed you like one of my grandbabies..."  
  
" 'kay...."  
  
It was the first word Ryan had spoken all morning.  
  
Kirsten leaned over and kissed Ryan on his forehead. She gently ran her fingers over the stubble growing on Ryan's head.  
  
"It didn't take long for your hair to start growing again....."  
  
Ryan put his hand up and felt his scalp. He smiled up at Kirsten but didn't say anything. His smile quickly left his face. Sandy moved the breakfast tray closer to Ryan. Ryan shook his head and pushed it away. Before anyone could react, Ryan once again curled over to his left and closed his eyes, huddling in his safe dark corner.  
  
A few minutes later Dr. Meyers came up looking for the Cohens. He seemed surprised to see Ryan sleeping again.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen.....Seth....Good morning....I was going to call you before we took Ryan down for his scan but we had an emergency to take care of.....I've got the results of his scan.....everything looks okay.....It doesn't look like he had a seizure yesterday..."  
  
"What about the pain he's been having behind his eyes?" Kirsten asked.  
  
Dr. Meyers shook his head.  
  
"As far as we can tell it's residual pain from his skull fracture. We'll keep an eye on it, but Ryan has to let us know when it happens. ....Yesterday was the first time he told us about it....."  
  
Kirsten looked down at Ryan and then back at the doctor.  
  
"He seems....he's.....Ryan's not speaking very much. He seems to be withdrawing from us....."  
  
Sandy reached for Kirsten's hand and squeezed it gently.  
  
"We don't know what to do for him..."  
  
Dr. Meyers sighed.  
  
"Unfortunately, depression is fairly common after a major trauma. Ryan's speech aphasia has probably intensified those feelings. The only thing I can suggest right now is not to give in to him. Make him speak to you. Don't allow him to communicate non-verbally. A speech therapist will be in to see him tomorrow before he's discharged..."  
  
"Discharged...!" Seth interrupted. "You mean he's coming home?"  
  
Dr. Meyers smiled.  
  
"His scan was clear, Dr. Michaels will be taking out the staples in his chest later this afternoon and then we can tape his ribs. That should make him more comfortable. We'll give him a script for Demerol in pill form.....he'll probably need something for nausea as well and some vitamins..."  
  
Kirsten stopped Dr. Meyers.  
  
"Ryan still has trouble swallowing....Are the pills going to be okay?"  
  
The doctor nodded.  
  
"If he has any difficulty swallowing then, put the pills in a spoonful of apple sauce....Have you made an appointment for him with Dr. Rodriguez?"  
  
"She's going to call us to set up a date and time...." Sandy stated.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from her later today. Once she decides she's going to take a patient, she works quickly...."  
  
Dr. Meyers' pager went off.  
  
"I have to go....."  
  
As he turned to leave Sandy had a couple of quick questions for him.  
  
"Why did you recommend Dr. Rodriguez .....She seems a little uh, unorthodox....Just how long have you known her?"  
  
Dr. Meyers gave a boyish grin.  
  
"She's the best in her field....unorthodox is a good word to describe her and I've known her all my life.....She's my mother...."  
  
Sandy watched him as he left the room.  
  
"Well that explains why Dr. Rodriguez kept referring to him as Joshua....I'm still not sure about her though...."  
  
Seth cut in.  
  
"Well she didn't screw up her own kid, so that has to be a good sign."  
  
* * *  
  
Kirsten and Sandy stayed the rest of the morning. Ryan woke up again just as his lunch tray was brought up. This time Maggie stayed to make sure Ryan finished it. As she cleared the tray she warned Ryan and Seth to stay out of trouble. Kirsten and Sandy left to get things ready for Ryan's homecoming. Seth tried to sit still in the chair as his conversation, actually his monologue became more animated.  
  
"It'll be so great having you home again...The only thing that sucks is that school starts tomorrow.....I don't think I can get Mom and Dad to let me stay home....would they believe a relapse?...............No.....it'd scare them into dragging me to a doctor.....Maybe I can go for just a half day....."  
  
Seth noticed Ryan staring into space again.  
  
"Ryan.....Ry...?"  
  
Ryan blinked a couple of times and then looked at Seth.  
  
"Are you okay..?" Seth asked quietly.  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"Come again...I didn't catch that...."  
  
Ryan looked puzzled, nodding again.  
  
"Sorry...I didn't understand you.....Are you okay?" Seth spoke a little louder this time.  
  
"Y-y-yes..." Ryan said slowly, the anger evident in his voice.  
  
"Okay...that I understood..."  
  
Seth watched as Ryan closed his eyes, turning and wrapping his arms tightly around his chest. He sighed and picked up the book on Architecture and Design. Opening it he read the inscription.  
  
"To Ryan, Welcome to the family. Grandpa Caleb  
January 10, 2004. 


	15. chapter fifteen

This chapter was the hardest for me to write because the story is now going to get very angsty after this chapter and I didn't quite know how to tie things together. Again, all disclaimers apply. Anything that needs to be disclaimed to keep my butt out of trouble is disclaimed.  
  
Chapter 15.  
  
Seth flipped through the large book reading snippets of it, filing away information to use in a later conversation with Ryan. Seth closed the book and watched Ryan sleep, wondering if he should wake him.  
  
Ryan slowly sat up and leaned against the walls in his lightless corner. He drew his knees up and took a deep breath. There was no pain in his black haven, only silence. He smiled to himself and enjoyed his solitude. He let his mind drift. The Cohen's were going to take him home. Their home......His home too. In the darkness it all made sense. He knew they cared about him. They'd done just about everything they could think of to let him know, to try to make him understand that he was a part of the family....even Caleb was trying and it was easy to believe he belonged as long as he stayed in the dark.  
  
The problem was the light. In the light was the real world. The light exposed the filth that encompassed him. Years of abuse and degradation that coated every part of his body. In the light, people could see his shame and they pitied him or they were afraid his filth was contagious.  
  
In the dark he was Ryan. Smart, funny, playful. In the light he was a lost cause. Social service caseworkers, the free clinic doctors, the teachers would all pat him on the head, tell him things would get better and then walked away, their guilt assuaged, leaving him with shattered hopes and the realization that nothing ever changed. But even in the light he thought things could be different with the Cohen's.  
  
It took months before he could let his guard down even a little. The Cohen's hadn't disappointed him. Even at soccer practice when he took Luke out with the slide tackle, its legality debatable, Sandy's initial parental anger had manifested itself into the fear that child services could come and remove him from their home.  
  
The Cohen's worried about his less than normal sleep patterns. He knew that when he wandered out of the pool house or 'Ryan's room' as they called it, and sat in a deck chair at two in the morning that either Sandy or Kirsten would be watching him from their bedroom window. He couldn't see them, but he knew they were there.  
  
He knew they worried about his eating habits. They worried as he would spend dinner pushing his food around his plate, re-arranging it so it would look like he ate something. He couldn't explain why 'family' dinners made him so nauseous. Instead Kirsten kept the pool house fridge stocked with eggs, fruit and juice. Fortified cereal and whole grain bread sat on the counter, always replenished when he finished them.  
  
But he would still get hurt in the light, despite their best intentions. Seeing his mother reappear through Marissa's actions during the holidays, her drinking and callousness mirroring Dawn's behaviour cut through him. He couldn't go through that again. He had crawled deep into the darkness after bringing Marissa home that night. It had taken Seth nearly 20 minutes the next morning to wake him. Seth's voice had finally penetrated his cocoon, bringing with it a beam of light, not the harsh light of pain, but the warm glow of diffused lighting. He was safe with Seth. He was safe with the Cohens. They wouldn't hurt him. This thought stayed with him as he once again heard Seth's voice wrapped in the soft ray of light.  
  
"Ryan.....hey.....wake up.C'mon......NO!............DON'T!...............HE HAS TO WAKE UP FIRST......RYAN!................"  
  
Rough hands yanked at his pajama pants. Ryan opened his eyes, abject terror painted on his face as he struggled against the violation. Ryan opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. The probing hands were torn away. Ryan scrambled into a sitting position, his breathing ragged and uncontrolled. Other voices joined in and his eyes were unable to focus on the commotion in front of him.  
  
A soft voice repeated that he was safe. No one would hurt him. He became aware of Seth. Seth was yelling. He was fighting to get out of the grip of a large man behind him. Seth slipped through the orderly's hands and lunged again. Ryan's eyes followed Seth, the voice reminding him he was safe still whispering in his ear. The orderly grabbed Seth again before he could jump on top of the white coated individual on the ground. Dr. Michaels ran into the room and pulled the young doctor off the floor.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE....?" He yelled at the other doctor who was now struggling to straighten out his lab coat.  
  
The younger man was furious.  
  
"I was getting the patient prepped up to have his staples removed when this idiot tackled me."  
  
Seth struggled again in the orderly's arms, trying to get at this clown masquerading as a doctor. The orderly dragged Seth a few steps back. Liz still whispered in Ryan's ear, trying to calm the traumatized boy down. She gently touched Ryan's shoulders. When he didn't flinch at her touch she began rubbing them slowly, not stopping her soothing words.  
  
Dr. Michaels turned to Seth.  
  
"Seth...calm down....John will let you go, but you have to promise me you'll settle down...Can you do that?"  
  
Seth took a few moments before he nodded his head. His breathing was still rapid. His eyes betrayed the fury he felt at the other 'doctor'. Dr. Michaels nodded to the orderly and he let go of Seth, stepping back but not leaving the room.  
  
"I want him removed from the hospital..." the younger doctor snarled at Seth. "Call security.....I want him arrested.."  
  
John quickly stepped behind Seth again, but Seth didn't move.  
  
"Wyatt....Shut the hell up!" Dr Michaels spat. He regained his composure and turned back to Seth.  
  
"What happened Seth?"  
  
Seth took in a shaky breath and forced himself to stay calm.  
  
"Doctor....doc....." Seth seemed to choke on the word.  
  
"Dr. Wyatt came in and said he was going to get Ryan ready to have the surgical staples removed. He wanted to give Ryan a pain shot but I told him that he had to wake Ryan up first......I tried to wake Ryan up, but this guy thought it was taking too long so he pushed me out of the way and....."  
  
Dr. Michaels looked at Wyatt, seething.  
  
"I told you to bring the suture tray in. I did not tell you to give the boy any meds. You were to get acquainted with him and wait for me....That was all!"  
  
Dr. Wyatt stood up straighter and glared at Dr. Michaels.  
  
"It was time for his Demerol..."  
  
"You weren't supposed to give it to him....."  
  
"I didn't know the kid was going to freak...."  
  
"Did you read his chart at all..?"  
  
Dr. Michaels' voice became very calm.  
  
Dr. Wyatt nervously licked his lips.  
  
"I checked to see when his last shot was...."  
  
"Did you read all of his chart?"  
  
Dr. Wyatt was suddenly less sure of himself.  
  
"I uh....I uh.....didn't think it was necessary but I double checked the time of his last meds..."  
  
"Your callousness compromised the well-being of my patient."  
  
Dr. Michaels' voice had no emotion to it.  
  
"Get out......I'll have security escort you to your car..."  
  
Dr. Wyatt looked shocked.  
  
"You can't fire me over this....If the kid is so unstable why isn't he in the psych wing?"  
  
Dr. Michaels took a step towards the former doctor.  
  
"OUT..NOW!"  
  
Before Wyatt could say anything else, three security guards appeared. Gathering himself, Dr. Wyatt glared at Ryan and then Seth. He turned back to Dr. Michaels.  
  
"I'll see you in front of the board of directors."  
  
He shot one last look at the boys.  
  
"This isn't over yet...."  
  
Dr. Michaels watched has the security detail escorted Dr. Wyatt out of the room. He took a deep breath and then turned to Ryan and Seth.  
  
"I'll be back in about 20 minutes to take out your staples...Are you guys okay?................Ryan......?"  
  
Ryan's eyes were clear. His breathing was calm and relaxed.  
  
"I okay...."  
  
"Seth?"  
  
Seth nodded.  
  
"Yeah....I'm good...sorry about...about this......I couldn't...I....I couldn't just stand here and watch....I shouldn't have...."  
  
Dr. Michaels smiled.  
  
"Don't worry about it....As far as I'm concerned Wyatt tripped and fell on his ass...."  
  
The doctor walked out of the room. Liz whispered something else in Ryan's ear. He nodded and leaned back on the bed. Liz gathered up the tray and left the room only to return a minute later with another syringe filled with Demerol. Ryan didn't flinch this time as the medication was administered. Liz made sure he was comfortable before she left again.  
  
Seth slumped down in the chair beside the bed. He looked at Ryan.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay Ry....?"  
  
Ryan nodded...  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"I'm way too tired to play this game again dude. You're supposed to verbalize your answers, so please....just tell me and I won't ask anymore questions"  
  
"I ...fine....S-s-seth...." Ryan held out a shaking fist. "Th-thanks w-w- watching my back...."  
  
Seth leaned over, tapping Ryan's fist with his own.  
  
* * *  
  
Dr. Michaels and Liz came back into the room to remove Ryan's staples. They were both pleased to see Ryan and Seth relaxed. Ryan was smiling at Seth's manic ramblings. Seth got out of the chair and stepped back from the bed as the doctor started to remove the staples. He moved right behind the doctor. He was fascinated by the 'squick' sound they made as they were removed from Ryan's skin. Ryan also watched, intrigued by the process. It had gotten to the point where Dr. Michaels found it impossible to see what he was doing because of a dark curly head and a pale scarred one in his way.  
  
"Guys..You're going to have to take turns watching. I've got 22 of these left..11 each okay?.........Seth, you first.....It'll be easier for Ryan to see the bottom ones anyway..."  
  
Dr. Michaels shook his head. This was definitely a first for him. Even his med students didn't get this close. He was sure if he had asked either boy they'd want to try to pull a staple out themselves. Seth seemed almost disappointed when the doctor was finished. Ryan ran his fingers down the dark scar. Liz rolled Ryan's t-shirt back down.  
  
"Are you up for a little trip to the cafeteria?" She asked Ryan. "It'll be nice to get out of this room for a while....I'm going on a break so I can take you down and bring you back later."  
  
Before Ryan had a chance to nod Seth spoke to him.  
  
"Ryan...you better use your words 'cause this getting you to talk thing was their idea and I'm hungry and I'm cranky.....oh wait.....I'm hungry and you're cranky...."  
  
Ryan threw a pillow at Seth. The throw was weak but the aim was good. The pillow caught Seth in the face.  
  
"Me n-n-not cr-cranky...you give...you give other doctor s-s-smack down."  
  
Dr. Michaels gathered up the tray and wished Liz good luck. He handed the tray off to an orderly and retreated to his office to attempt to write a report describing that afternoon's events.  
  
Ryan pushed his feet into the white slip on runners Kirsten had picked up for him. They were almost identical to the ones in Juvie. They made the same squeaking noise here as they did in jail. Ryan shook off that thought as he hung on to Liz for dear life. It was his first time with just a cane. He loosened his 'death grip' on her as he became more sure of himself. By the time they reached the cafeteria, Ryan had let go of Liz completely, relying only on the cane. She guided him to a table, got him settled and then whispered a few dinner instructions to Seth.  
  
Ryan sat alone at the table while Seth stood in line to get their dinner. He thought about the dark again. He had wanted to retreat into his inky comfort zone after the encounter with Dr. Wyatt, but it was like he couldn't find his way. He was forced to stay in the light.....the light that caused him pain as his mind replayed the afternoon's events. This time the light had also shown him safety. In the light he was able to see Seth jump in and protect him. That had never happened before. Nobody had ever protected him. In the light he was able to hear the calming words and feel a gentle touch on his shoulders. Today in the light people had made him feel safe and secure. In the light he laughed with Seth. Home was in the light. He was going home tomorrow. Maybe he would stay in the light a little longer 


	16. chapter sixteen

Please read previous chapters for the disclaimers. They still apply. Thank you once again for your reviews and comments. They are greatly appreciated!  
  
Chapter 16  
  
Monday January 12  
  
Ryan sat down on the bed and looked around the room. All of his 'things' had been brought into the guest room. Kirsten and Sandy had explained that they wanted him to stay in that room until his recovery was complete.  
  
He kicked off the squeaky white slip on runners and shook off his jacket. He scratched his ribcage for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He wasn't sure what was worse, the pain associated with his broken ribs or the itchy layers of ace bandages that were binding them tightly. He was tired, but going to sleep was the last thing he felt like doing. It seemed like he'd spent the better part of the last 12 days asleep.  
  
He didn't remember the accident. Officer Riley had tried to question him a couple of times about it but all he drew were blanks. He only knew what he'd been told.  
  
Pushing himself off the bed, he moved carefully around the room. Cradling his cane he shuffled over to the desk and re-arranged his books. Shaking fingers lined up the cd racks. He pulled one particular cd out of the rack and fumbled with the case. Finally opening it he slid the disc into the small stereo. Soon the rhythmic sounds of "Afro Celt" filled the room. Turning down the volume slightly he picked up a book from the speech therapist. He slowly made his way back to the bed and lay down, propping himself up with one of the many pillows on it Flipping open the book he started to quietly read the verbal exercises aloud, his voice hidden by the soothingly repetitive music.  
  
Sandy and Kirsten sat in the family room reading over Ryan's home care manifesto. Sandy put his handful of papers down and rubbed his eyes. Kirsten looked at her husband and smiled.  
  
"I told you five months ago we got in over our heads...."  
  
Sandy looked curiously at his wife.  
  
"Would you change anything.....?"  
  
Kirsten leaned over and kissed her husband.  
  
"If I could I'd change New Years Eve. We'd sit at home and watch Sylvester Stallone movies all night....even the one where he sings with Dolly Parton....What was that called? Oh yeah.... "Rhinestone"....definitely a classic..."  
  
Sandy raised his thick eyebrows.  
  
"Hey.....Don't be mocking Stallone" He said in a dead on impersonation of the actor. "Everyone's allowed one bad movie...."  
  
Kirsten laughed and shook her head.  
  
"Only one....? I think I can name quite a few...but I don't care....Next year it's going to be you, me and the boys, all safe and sound."  
  
Seth picked apart his lunch. Summer watched him carefully.  
  
"Cohen....what did that sandwich ever do to you?"  
  
Seth looked down at his mangled sandwich.  
  
"I can't believe it....Brad and Merlin are at school like nothing happened. It's....it's like some big joke to them. No one's asked about Ryan....Nobody's asked if I'm alright...The only thing dumb and dumber over there are worried about is when the next rager is.....Is that all everyone thinks about in this stupid school?"  
  
"Not everyone....."  
  
Seth and Summer looked up and see Luke standing there.  
  
"Can I sit down...?"  
  
"Yeah, uh, okay.." Seth squeaked out.  
  
Summer looked at Luke.  
  
"Where were you over Christmas break?"  
  
Luke stared at his rubber flip flops.  
  
"My parents, uh, were, uh...trying to...you know, figure stuff out...about, uh, you know......I heard about the accident last night...You okay?"  
  
Seth looked carefully at Luke. The same Luke who thought he owned Harbour. The same Luke who had the world on a string. The same Luke who had called him 'queer and fag' since the third grade. The same Luke who now sat with them, looking genuinely concerned.  
  
"Yeah...I'm good"  
  
"How's Chino....?"  
  
"He's okay.....He's coming home today. He should be there by now.."  
  
Luke spoke softly.  
  
"Is he going to be...you know.... 'okay'? I mean I heard some kids talking about him. They said he's pretty messed up and he's got like major brain damage or something..."  
  
Seth shook his head and snorted.  
  
"Man, I hate this place...Why tell the truth when anything you can make up will do.....?"  
  
He looked at Luke.  
  
"Ryan's doing good. 12 days ago no one knew if he was even going to make it through the night....."  
  
Summer reached for Seth's hand.  
  
"He's doing good...You want to come by the house tomorrow...?"  
  
Luke hesitated. His circle of friends had all but disappeared when his dad came out and admitted he was gay. The only ones who stood by him were the ones he'd been the biggest jerk to. The irony didn't escape him.  
  
"You sure it's okay...I mean, if it's... okay if I do come by your place and uh, hang out with you guys...?"  
  
Summer spoke up.  
  
"You know if you hang out with us you've stepped over to the 'dark side'...you'll have crossed the line into 'loserville'..."  
  
Luke looked at Summer and Seth. He waited a few seconds before he spoke.  
  
"Maybe I'll be leaving it behind.."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan took a break form his verbal exercises and closed his eyes. He needed to make a quick inspection of his mental vault. He wanted to make sure it was solid. He thought he heard the words 'head case' and 'retard' chanting from inside their concrete prison.  
  
("You're their pet charitable cause....")  
  
Ryan quickly turned around. He saw no one....  
  
("What happens when they get tired of you...?")  
  
Ryan ran behind his vault, checking for imperfections.  
  
("You belong to me....I've bought and paid for you....You're mine...")  
  
Ryan could feel the hands touching, groping, probing. He fell to his knees, trying to crawl away from them. He searched frantically for the source of the words. His breathing quickened, now coming in desperate gasps as he scoured the walls, looking for the breech in his concrete fortress.  
  
"Ryan.....Ryan...."  
  
This voice became his rescue beacon.....He stopped to listen for it again.  
  
"Ryan...Can you hear me...?"  
  
Kirsten came running up the stairs to the guest room after hearing Sandy's voice call out to Ryan. She caught a glimpse of the vacant look on his face before the boy snapped back to reality.  
  
Sandy couldn't hide the concern in his voice.  
  
"Ryan....are you alright...? Take deep breaths....I know it hurts but you've got to slow your breathing down....It's okay.....nice and slow...that's it...."  
  
Sandy sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Ryan to catch his breath. Kirsten sat on the other side.  
  
Ryan looked at his guardians and smiled weakly.  
  
"S-S-Sorry.....I..f-fine...."  
  
Sandy shook his head  
  
"No...you weren't 'fine' just a minute ago....."  
  
"I...I'm okay n-now..." Ryan said slowly.  
  
Kirsten leaned over and gave him a kiss on the forehead.  
  
"We'll be back in a couple of minutes"  
  
She motioned for Sandy to follow her. Sandy reluctantly followed his wife, gently squeezing Ryan's shoulder before he left the room. He trailed her to the kitchen and watched as she retrieved a can of meal replacement, shook it and poured it into a glass. He opened the pantry and pulled out a straw.  
  
"What happened up there?" He asked Kirsten as he handed her the straw.  
  
"I'm not sure...It happened at the hospital too, but Dr. Meyers said it wasn't a seizure..."  
  
"Did it ever happen before the accident?"  
  
There was silence in the kitchen as they both realized that they had no idea if it, whatever it was, had happened before or even if Ryan had experienced the terrorizing nightmares before. They wouldn't have heard him cry out in the pool house, but it might explain the early morning forays to a deck chair by the pool where on more than one occasion Sandy or Kirsten watched him from the bedroom window until it was time to start the day.  
  
"H-H-Hey....."  
  
Kirsten smiled at Ryan.  
  
"What are you doing out of bed?"  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"T-t-tired of lie d-down...want to...want to sit outside...."  
  
Sandy looked carefully at Ryan.  
  
"Are you sure you're up for it?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
Kirsten raised an eyebrow at Ryan.  
  
"Y-y-yes...."  
  
"That's better..."  
  
Ryan gave her a sideways glance.  
  
"Uh-uh dude...words only." Kirsten laughed as she held up the glass and followed Sandy and Ryan to the patio.  
  
Ryan cautiously lowered himself into a deck chair and placed his cane on the ground, trying not to let the pain he felt show. Sandy caught the look of pain on the boy's pale face.  
  
"Let me get your pills...."  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
" 'S'okay...Don't w-w-ant p-pills......make m-m-me sleepy..."  
  
Kirsten put the glass down in front of him.  
  
"We'll hold off on the pills for a little while, but sleeping isn't necessarily a bad thing...I want you to drink this..."  
  
Ryan reluctantly took the glass from Kirsten and took a sip, holding the chalky liquid in his mouth for a moment before swallowing it. He grimaced and then quickly finished the rest of it. Sandy took the glass and put it on the table.  
  
"That's g-gross..."  
  
Ryan closed his eyes and felt the sun on his face.  
  
("I've bought and paid for you...")  
  
His eyes flew open and he looked around. Sandy and Kirsten were talking quietly to each other. Ryan closed his eyes again and was starting to relax.  
  
("You belong to me....")  
  
"NO!!"  
  
Kirsten and Sandy quickly looked at Ryan. Before they could ask the obvious question, he answered them.  
  
"I...I'm g-g-g-ood"  
  
There was an uneasy silence as both Kirsten and Sandy tried to figure out how to question Ryan without upsetting him. They wouldn't get the chance because Seth came bounding through the French doors, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
Seth plopped down in an empty chair. Sandy looked at Kirsten.  
  
"Don't you just feel loved when he's this excited to be home with us?"  
  
Kirsten put her arm around Seth's shoulder.  
  
"Somehow I don't think it's just us he's happy to see.."  
  
She leaned over and kissed her curly haired son on the forehead and then looked at her husband.  
  
"Let's give the boys some time before we have to tuck one of them back into bed...."  
  
Kirsten stood up and kissed Ryan on the top of his head.  
  
"Don't get too wild you guys...."  
  
Sandy stood up and squeezed both boys' shoulders.  
  
"You heard your mother...Stay out of trouble 'cause she is this close to retiring from Newport Group and start micro-managing all our lives...."  
  
"Sandy....I'm not going to retire....I'm just....I'm just taking a little sabbatical...."  
  
Seth snickered and looked over at Ryan.  
  
"Mom is such a type 'A' personality...Sabbatical isn't in her vocabulary...."  
  
"That's it!" Kirsten announced in mock indignation.  
  
"I'm going to start dinner and it's not going to involve take out menus..."  
  
She smiled as she left the patio. Sandy looked at Seth and Ryan.  
  
"I've got to stop her..."  
  
Seth waited until Sandy left.  
  
"Dude...when did you get home?"  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
"L-lunch time.....I-I think..."  
  
"Well, you didn't miss much in school.....Oh shit!........I forgot to tell Mom and Dad that Dr. Kim is going to come by and see you...."  
  
"I make sure I...I 'sleep..."  
  
"RYAN....!!!!!"  
  
Marissa hugged Ryan from behind. He flinched as she brushed up against his ribs. She kissed him and sat down. Marissa motioned for Oliver to sit down in the other chair. He sauntered over and sat down, his phony smile plastered to his face.  
  
"Hey Ryan....Good to see you again man..."  
  
Marissa introduced Oliver to Seth. Seth looked at Oliver carefully, trying to place him. Then it clicked.  
  
"Oh yeah..okay....You're in my world lit class...You're new to Harbour..."  
  
Oliver nodded.  
  
"Yeah....I just transferred from Pacific...Harbour's got a better rep and my school transcripts are going to need all the help they can get if I wanna go Ivy League....."  
  
He turned to Ryan, his eyes flickering.  
  
"Have you thought about what college you're going to?"  
  
Ryan glared at Oliver and shook his head.  
  
("retard")  
  
He looked at Marissa.  
  
"I...I'm tired.... 'm going to...lie d-d-down.."  
  
Ryan bent down and picked up his cane. He pulled himself up and made his way back to the house.  
  
("You scored yourself one sweet deal...")  
  
He closed the door to the guestroom and turned the stereo on again, this time increasing the volume. The heavy bass and drum sounds of the Afro Celt cd filled the room as he curled up on the bed, closed his eyes and stepped into his sanctuary. The repetitive rhythm of the music surrounded him as he crept into his dark corner. Fear and self doubt wouldn't find him there. He was safe again.  
  
* * *  
  
Seth, Marissa and Oliver talked on the patio for a while longer. Seth noticed how Oliver looked at Marissa and touched her hand or her leg when she spoke. Marissa seemed oblivious to the intimate gestures. There was something about Oliver that made Seth uneasy, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Marissa was Ryan's girlfriend wasn't she...? She didn't look at Oliver the same way he looked at her and Oliver wouldn't make a play for somebody's girlfriend while they were recovering from an accident would he? Seth's mental gears were turning as he pondered the questions.  
  
Kirsten stuck her head out of the French doors.  
  
"Marissa....your dad just called. He wants you to go home..."  
  
Marissa looked up at Kirsten and smiled.  
  
"Okay...I'm just going to check in on Ryan before I leave."  
  
"Alright sweetie but don't wake him if he's sleeping..."  
  
Marissa quietly opened the door to the guest bedroom and tip-toed in. She knelt down beside the bed. She folded her arms on the mattress and let her chin rest on her cast. She watched him sleep. Ryan looked so peaceful. It was all she could do to keep herself from climbing into the bed with him. She knew not to touch him while he slept. A few weeks ago the two of them had fallen asleep on Ryan's bed in the pool house after a late night anime marathon that Seth had talked them into watching. She had snuggled closer to Ryan and tried to wrap her arms around him only to have him flail his arms at her touch. He had jumped out of bed so quickly that he sent a lamp flying off the nightstand. He had actually looked scared of her. After he calmed down, Ryan wouldn't tell her what scared him. He still doesn't confide in her, Marissa thought. She knew he had it rough growing up but so did she. Marissa didn't want to hear about Ryan's drunk mother or his incarcerated father anymore. She knew he had other issues, but he just wouldn't talk to her. Oliver always listened. She could tell him about how much of a witch her mom was and how her dad had to declare bankruptcy. He knew just what to say to make her feel better...  
  
Marissa heard a tap on the door. Oliver came in the room and stood beside her, looking down at Ryan. As if sensing Oliver's presence Ryan shifted slightly and opened his eyes, looking straight into Marissa's crystal blue eyes.  
  
"H-h-h-hey...."  
  
She leaned in and kissed his cheek.  
  
"We just came to say 'bye' and we'll see you tomorrow.."  
  
Oliver smiled.  
  
"Yeah dude...we'll come by after 'I' bring Marissa home from school..." 


	17. chapter seventeen

My hubby's working midnights and I'm off work until the middle of February, so I should be able to update more often (please don't hold me to it). I don't own the characters, I haven't made any money from them. I just bring them out to play once in a while.  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
Dinner marked the first time the family had all sat down together at the dining room table in almost two weeks. With Sandy's help, Kirsten didn't have to try and pass off burned chicken as 'cajun' style. It was only after the threat of having a third can of 'non-dairy, soy based, high protein, iron supplemented, vitamin enriched' crap that Ryan attempted to eat some of the chicken. He chewed carefully and tentatively swallowed. He could feel everyone watching him. He put his fork down.  
  
"If...if you want a...a...a....sh-show...I'll t-try to s-s-s-snort this out..out my nose..." He gestured to his half empty glass.  
  
Seth giggled and the tension that hung over dinner was broken. Kirsten looked at Ryan.  
  
"I'm sorry....We're just a little worried about you.."  
  
Ryan gave her a small smile.  
  
"I'm okay...."  
  
Kirsten glanced at Sandy. In that one quick look she was able to convey her happiness at the improvement in Ryan's condition. They were just about to continue with their dinner when the doorbell rang. As Sandy got up to answer the door, Seth casually mentioned that Dr. Kim was coming by. Sandy rolled his eyes at Seth.  
  
"This information might have been more helpful right after school Seth."  
  
Ryan quickly stacked his glass on top of his plate.  
  
"Uh-uh Ryan....You're going to finish dinner. Seth, you have my permission to spoon feed him if necessary"  
  
Kirsten quickly went to the sink and washed her hands.  
  
"I'll be in the living room with your Dad and Dr. Kim...You boys can join us as soon as Ryan's done."  
  
Right when Kirsten left the kitchen, Seth picked up a spoon and started making airplane sounds. Ryan glared at Seth as he finished his drink. He put his glass back on the plate. Seth moved in closer waving the spoon.  
  
"You're not done yet...."  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"If I...I...eat m-more.....you....wear it..."  
  
Seth understood the meaning of his brother's words and quickly took Ryan's plate and scraped the remains of his dinner into the garbage.  
  
"Good enough.."  
  
Seth quickly prepared the coffee maker. The Cohen/Atwood clan were major caffeine addicts. He didn't bother measuring the coffee beans as he dumped them in the grinder. Ninety seconds later the De Longhi was gurgling and Ryan followed Seth into the living room. Dr. Kim stood up as soon as she saw Ryan. She had heard the accident had been severe, but she was still startled at the extent of his injuries. Ryan leaned heavily on his cane as he walked into the room. He gingerly lowered himself into an oversized chair as he steeled himself for the inevitable stare. Ryan looked away as he felt Dr. Kim's eyes on his head studying his bruises and his scars.  
  
"How are you feeling Ryan..?"  
  
Ryan really hated that question. For a split second he thought about telling the truth, but people wanted to hear what they wanted him to say.  
  
"F-fine..."  
  
"That's good to hear" Dr. Kim said quickly. "We missed you today..."  
  
"Th-th-thanks..."  
  
"Yeah, right..." Ryan thought to himself. He'd only missed one day of school.  
  
Dr. Kim continued.  
  
"I've brought your books and this week's assignments from your teachers if you're feeling strong enough.."  
  
("Retard....You're not Harbour School material....)  
  
"I'll.....I...I'll g-g-g-g-et S-s-seth to.....b-b-b-b-ring in....b-b-b-ring the...th-th-them i-i-i-in..."  
  
Dammit...Dammit....DAMMIT!!!!  
  
("You sound like a retard...)  
  
Sandy saw the look of dismay on Ryan's face.  
  
"Seth, why don't you and Ryan head upstairs and get started on your homework..."  
  
Seth looked over at Ryan who was now staring at the floor.  
  
"Sure Dad....Mom....I made some coffee. It should be ready.."  
  
"Thank you Seth"  
  
Kirsten watched as Seth gathered up the books and then trailed Ryan upstairs, staying close enough to make sure Ryan wouldn't lose his balance and fall backwards. She quickly escaped to the kitchen and poured the coffee. Her heart ached for Ryan. She knew he'd be upset because the words he tried so hard to use failed him. She quickly put the mugs, spoons, cream and sugar on a tray and carried it back to the living room.  
  
There was an uncomfortable silence in the room. Kirsten offered Dr. Kim a mug and then proceeded to mindlessly dump several spoons of sugar into another one. Sandy stopped counting at six. Kirsten stirred the sludge and handed it to Sandy. Any other time he drank his coffee black. He wisely knew this was not the time to say anything. He smiled at his wife and thanked her. Kirsten picked up the last mug. It was Dr. Kim who broke the silence.  
  
"How is Ryan really doing...?"  
  
Sandy looked hard at Dr. Kim. He was starting to realize where this conversation was going.  
  
"I think he already answered that question...Ryan is 'doing' well...better than anyone expected as a matter of fact...."  
  
"The doctors released him a few days earlier than they thought they would because he's recovering so well." Kirsten interjected.  
  
"But there is residual impairment...?" Dr. Kim said gently.  
  
Seth came back into the living room and whispered to Kirsten. She excused herself and left with him. Sandy's eyes followed Seth and Kirsten out of the room. He turned back to Dr. Kim.  
  
"You were saying...."  
  
Dr. Kim cleared her throat.  
  
"It's obvious that Ryan still has a way to go in his recovery and I'm worried he will be unable to maintain the standards...."  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"Cut the crap Dr. Kim.....This has more to do with Brad Campbell and Merlin Nordstrom than Ryan's welfare. I've been informed that the two boys who almost killed my sons are still in school..."  
  
Dr. Kim interrupted Sandy.  
  
"Brad and Merlin have not been found guilty of any wrong doing. As a lawyer I'm sure you understand the concept of being innocent until guilt has been proven."  
  
"You seem to be more concerned with not pissing off their wealthy families than any sense of justice.."  
  
Dr. Kim was becoming very defensive.  
  
"We do not just cater to the wealthy...We have admitted students who've shown academic promise but don't necessarily fit the Harbour School profile....You seem to think we have....."  
  
"Ryan is one of the smartest kids you've got there. What's the matter Dr. Kim....Are you worried that this is going to cause another scandal 'cause I know you drew a lot of flack for even allowing a kid on probation with a father and brother in jail to attend your...."  
  
She stood up.  
  
"That's enough...I will not sit here and...."  
  
"No it's not enough." Sandy countered. "Ryan's been working hard at his physical and speech therapy. He will make a complete recovery and he will be attending school for half days starting next week and for full days a couple of weeks after that. As much as I'd like to pull both boys out of your 'master race academy' Seth and Ryan are doing very well and for some strange reason they enjoy Harbour.."  
  
He stood up, indicating that the visit was over.  
  
"Kirsten and I appreciate your concern for Ryan. It's been a pleasure Dr. Kim...I'll tell my wife you said good-bye...." Sandy's voice was dripping with sarcasm at this point.  
  
"Drive safely...."  
  
Sandy closed the door behind the school administrator. He walked back to the living room and picked up the coffee mugs. He dumped the contents into the sink and poured himself and Kirsten another mug. Kirsten came up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist.  
  
"Everything okay..?"  
  
"Just fine." Sandy replied. "Are the boys alright?"  
  
Kirsten let go of her husband and reached for her mug.  
  
"Seth thought Ryan was in pain. It took a little coaxing..actually I had to threaten him with my homemade chocolate chip cookies before he would take his meds. I think the Demerol knocked him out. He's all tucked in and Seth is doing homework...."  
  
Sandy looked carefully at Kirsten.  
  
"You don't make chocolate chip cookies..actually you did once. I've got the crown in my mouth to prove it...."  
  
"They were awful weren't they....?" Kirsten moved in closer to Sandy.  
  
"Are you up for a game of Jenga?"  
  
Sandy raised one eyebrow.  
  
"Make it 'strip' Jenga and I am most definitely up for it.."  
  
Kirsten leaned in to kiss her husband.  
  
"You're incorrigible..."  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan pulled the blankets up around his shoulders. He had pretended to fall asleep in order to be left alone. The visit with Dr. Kim frustrated him. He was tired of constantly having to justify his existence to her. He knew why she really came to visit. She just wanted to see if he was still 'smart' enough for Harbour. He knew that the parents of some students didn't want him there. The Cohen's had gone to the mat for him just so he'd be allowed to take the placement exam. Like paying twelve grand a year wouldn't automatically qualify you ? He could have been the smartest student at school, but none of that would matter. He wasn't their type. He wasn't in the same social league as the pampered princes and princesses that made up the student population. Despite all that, he wanted to stay at Harbour. For the first time, school challenged him. He enjoyed his advanced classes. He could put up with all the other shit. It wasn't anything new to him. It was just in a different pile....  
  
Ryan felt the disillusionment grow. What he wanted didn't matter anymore. Because of the 'accident' he had difficulty putting together a complete sentence. He stuttered and stammered. All the verbal exercises in the world weren't going to help....  
  
"Hey...I knew you weren't really sleeping.."  
  
Seth padded into the bedroom.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Seth got no response, but then again, he wasn't expecting one. Ryan hadn't said anything since the two of them left the living room. He sat on the edge of the bed. The hall light provided enough illumination so he could see Ryan's face.  
  
"Look..I'm sorry you're having such a hard time talking, but that doesn't mean you can give up trying....Shit, Ryan....Who cares what the 'pod people' think?........I've got your back..."  
  
Seth stood up and posed in an exaggerated martial arts stance.  
  
"I think I've shown you that I am quite capable of putting the 'smack down' on somebody as you so eloquently put it yesterday....All I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter to me if your words come out upside down and backwards. Hell, you don't need to say anything, but if I have to start talking for the both of us I'm never going to shut up. I mean...I'll have to have both sides of the conversations and in the scenario that's playing out in my head right now, you're much more talkative. You could talk forever....No one would get a word in edgewise except for me of course 'cause I would just interrupt you..Oh, crap...then you'd get pissed at me and we'd start arguing over who was going to talk next and then fisticuffs would break out...things would get bloody, Ryan...I'm really not liking this particular scenario. It would just be so much easier if you would......"  
  
"Shut u-u-up S-Seth...."  
  
"Thank you Ryan..I was starting to get dizzy.."  
  
"Good n-night S-S-Seth..."  
  
"What time is your speech therapy tomorrow..?"  
  
"N-n-nine 'clock Seth...."  
  
"Do you need me to tuck you back in...fluff your pillow...?"  
  
"P-pound s-s-sand Seth..."  
  
"You know, I've never understood that particular expression. Might it be a Chino thing?......It doesn't seem to make a lot of sense....Why would I beat up sand. It's an inanimate object, unless of course it's being kicked in your face, which I have to admit has happened once or twice in my lifetime..."  
  
"Shut up S-Seth....."  
  
Seth made his way to the door.  
  
"Shutting up now.."  
  
"G-g-g-good night Seth..."  
  
"G'night Ryan...."  
  
"Th-thanks...."  
  
"Anytime." 


	18. chapter eighteen

Aaaaargh! Brain burp...Anyway, all the legal stuff is the same as all the other chapters.  
  
Chapter Eighteen.  
  
Tuesday January 13  
  
Sandy rolled over and looked at the clock again. This time it read 6am. It seemed he had woken up every hour. He had checked on Ryan three times that night, relieved to find him sleeping soundly. He had checked in on Seth just before he and Kirsten went to bed. Seth had been sprawled all over his bed, tangled up in a mess of sheets and blankets. Sandy sent up a silent prayer giving thanks for Seth's life. He repeated an almost identical prayer in Ryan's room. Now as the sun peeked lazily through the clouds he sat up and rubbed his eyes. Kirsten shifted slightly and settled back to sleep. He got out of bed and looked out the window. It was then he heard it.....the sound of the waves calling to him. Sandy hadn't been out surfing since....it didn't matter since when. He quietly got his things together and leaned down to kiss his wife.  
  
"Have fun Sandy...." Kirsten mumbled sleepily.  
  
Damn, he loved this woman. After a quick check on the boys, Sandy set the timer on the coffee pot, grabbed his keys, his surfboard and set out towards the beach.  
  
By the time Ryan got out of the shower it was nearly 7:15. He ran his hand over the stubble growing on the top of his head. He grabbed a hand towel, wiped the fog off the mirror and studied his face. He had purposely been avoiding mirrors as much as possible but this morning he seemed oddly drawn to it. The whites of his eyes were still a light shade of pink. They gave his normally blue eyes an almost purple appearance. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to blend in with the fading bruises that still wrapped around his face. While he couldn't see the stitches that closed the drainage site from the shunt that had been inserted during surgery, he could feel the crescent shaped ridge. He gently pressed a towel on it to dry the area. The other scar on his head was still a violent red. There were also small faded scars, souveniers from his previous life. Ryan brushed his teeth for nearly 4 minutes and then rinsed his mouth. He pulled his jeans on. They hung loosely on his hips, sliding down past the waistband of his boxers. He gathered up the ace bandages and turned to go back into the bedroom. An overwhelming feeling of vertigo engulfed him. His left hand gripped the vanity as he struggled to maintain his balance. He squeezed his eyes shut and hoped the feeling would quickly pass.  
  
"Ryan..."  
  
Kirsten spoke quietly.  
  
"Sweetie....are you alright?"  
  
"F-feel d-d-dizzy...."  
  
"Okay...I'm going to help you get back to the bedroom...Are you ready?"  
  
"Y-yeah...."  
  
Kirsten firmly held Ryan's right wrist, put her arm around his shoulder and slowly guided him the 3 meters between the bed and the washroom. She helped him sit down.  
  
"Th-thanks...b-b-better now..."  
  
She gently took the ace bandage from Ryan's hand.  
  
"C'mon...arms up....take a deep breath and hold it..."  
  
Kirsten quickly wrapped his ribcage and secured the end of the binding with metal clips. Ryan lowered his arms and exhaled. He smiled weakly at Kirsten.  
  
"Thanks 'gain..."  
  
Kirsten bent down and picked up his cane and held it out in front of him.  
  
"This is supposed to be your new best friend...You could have fallen and hurt yourself...We just brought you home from the hospital and I don't think you want to go back...."  
  
Ryan shook his head and reached for his t-shirt. Kirsten stepped back to give him some privacy. As she watched him struggle to pull the shirt over his head, Kirsten fought the urge to help him. The family had been told to let him do as much of his day to day routine by himself as he could manage. Kirsten pretended to busy herself around the room as Ryan continued to struggle. After what seemed like an eternity she turned around and saw him standing, leaning on his cane with a blue button down shirt now over his t- shirt. Kirsten smiled and led Ryan to the kitchen. Seth sat at the table with his coffee, bagel and the arts and leisure section of the newspaper. There was a glass of meal replacement, a bowl of frosted mini wheats cereal and half a mug of coffee waiting for Ryan. Kirsten moved in quickly and took the coffee away.  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"Sorry dude....I tried...."  
  
"Ryan, you shouldn't be drinking coffee yet..."  
  
Ryan rolled his eyes, sat down beside Seth and popped a mini wheat in his mouth.  
  
Kirsten hovered over him.  
  
"Let me get you some soy milk for your cereal.....Do you want some scrambled eggs? I think I can make some oatmeal...."  
  
"N-no thanks....This.....is g-good. He quickly drank the 'cup of health'. He closed his eyes as he waited to see if it would stay down. He thought he would have been used to the taste by now, but it seemed the better he felt, the worse that stuff tasted. Kirsten set a tall glass of orange juice down in front of him. He smiled his thanks. She turned to Seth.  
  
"I can drop you off at school before I take Ryan to speech therapy..I'll come back and pick up your father, bring him to the office, pick Ryan up and.....This is crazy. We need to do something about replacing the Range Rover."  
  
Seth looked at Ryan.  
  
"I told you mom's a real type 'A' personality....."  
  
"Hey...Hold the train...."  
  
Sandy was breathless as he came in from the beach.  
  
"I just need a few minutes to get ready.." He spied the half filled coffee mug. "Is this anybody's?"  
  
"Mom wouldn't let Ryan have it..."  
  
"Good...It's mine now..."  
  
Sandy took a big gulp.  
  
"Sandy...It's cold. Let me get you another one...."  
  
Sandy finished his cold caffeine fix and then kissed Kirsten.  
  
"Thanks anyway..."  
  
Kirsten surveyed the scene in front of her and realized how much she had missed the morning chaos.  
  
* * * *  
  
Kirsten dropped Seth off at school and Sandy at the office. While in the car Sandy placed a call to their lawyer. She informed them that because the Range Rover had full replacement insurance, all the paperwork was in order for him to pick up another vehicle, which she had taken the liberty of ordering a week ago. It was ready to be picked up at the dealership.  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan came out of the speech therapists office holding a digital micro- recorder. His therapist Lauren followed him out. Kirsten could tell by the look on Ryan's face that the session didn't go as well as she hoped. Kirsten followed Lauren back to her office.  
  
"How did it go..?"  
  
Lauren sat on the edge of her desk.  
  
"Ryan was co-operative for the first 45 minutes and then he gave up. He's actually doing very well, but he's frustrated and angry right now....I just wanted to give you a heads up....."  
  
"I've noticed he's stuttering more....."  
  
Lauren shook her head.  
  
"It's probably because he's trying to use more complex sentences. When I have him read a few paragraphs from a book he doesn't stutter so I'm not too worried about it. He'll probably give you the silent treatment for a little while but don't indulge him for too long. I've given him a tape recorder so he can play back his verbal exercises..."  
  
Kirsten looked surprised.  
  
"We could have picked one up for Ryan..."  
  
Lauren laughed as she escorted Kirsten back to the waiting room.  
  
"I find my clients usually think twice about throwing it across the room if it's not theirs. I generally don't lose too many of them...."  
  
Ryan pulled himself up as soon as he saw Kirsten and Lauren.  
  
"I'll see you on Thursday morning Ryan..."  
  
A look from Kirsten kept him from just nodding his head " 'kay...Thanks...."  
  
The ride home was made in silence. Ryan retreated to his bedroom and lay down. Kirsten paced in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to do next. She was starting to re-think the whole 'sabbatical' idea when the phone rang. The caller ID came up as her father.  
  
"Hey dad...."  
  
"Kiki...." Kirsten hated that her dad gave her that nickname. "What's your schedule like today?"  
  
"I don't know dad....It's kind of hectic around here...."  
  
Caleb snorted.  
  
"Let me guess....Ryan's asleep and you're ready to climb the walls....?"  
  
Kirsten would only confirm that Ryan was indeed asleep.  
  
"I'd like to drop some papers off regarding the development we're starting next month. We're running into problems getting the tradesmen lined up. Will you take care of it?"  
  
"Sure dad....How soon can you get here...?"  
  
Kirsten tried not to sound too enthusiastic but truth be told, she was ready to take up knitting or basket weaving...anything to keep her mind occupied with thoughts other than the accident and its aftermath.  
  
"I'll be there in an hour..."  
  
Kirsten said good-bye to her dad.  
  
"Okay....One hour....What am I going to do for an hour?"  
  
The thought of running the vacuum cleaner had crossed her mind as well as doing some other household tasks, but Rosa had finally gotten the Cohens trained to keep the house the way 'she' like it and since she was coming this afternoon , Kirsten saw no reason to piss the woman off.  
  
Ryan woke up from his brief nap with the familiar sharp pain behind his eyes. He closed his eyes, clenched his fists and waited for it to subside. The pain spasms didn't happen as frequently anymore and the tremors in his hands would usually stop within 20 minutes or so. He tried to hide his pain from the Cohens. The Demerol would make him sleepy, Tylenol was too hard on his liver right now and Motrin made him sick. He found it ironic that the pills that were supposed to make him feel better ended up making him feel worse.  
  
He slowly sat up and rolled his feet off the bed. Remembering Kirsten's gentle reprimand that morning, he picked up his cane before he pushed himself off the bed. It took a few seconds to find his balance. As soon as Ryan was confident he wasn't going to fall on his face he went into the washroom.  
  
Exiting the washroom he passed by the desk. He stopped to look at the neat pile of books. Seth had told him that a report had been assigned for world literature and the teacher had picked a book out for him. He shuffled though the pile and pulled out the assigned novel.  
  
"Robertson Davies 'What's Bred in the Bone'." Ryan read to himself. He flipped the book over and read the back cover. A Canadian book....well that would qualify as world lit. The only thing he knew about Canada was that it snowed, there were ten provinces, three territories, they had a prime minister who couldn't speak English or French very well......Was he still in office?............and that Seth planned on buying the country with his Bar Mitzvah money. Ryan tucked the book and his lap top under his arm and went to the family room. He heard Caleb and Kirsten in the kitchen. Kirsten saw him before he could move out of her sight line.  
  
"Hey....You're awake...Can I get you anything?"  
  
"No th-thanks....I'm good..."  
  
Ryan walked slowly into the kitchen.  
  
"Might as well get this over and done with," he thought.  
  
"Hi, Mr. N-Nichol..."  
  
Ryan spoke slowly and carefully. Caleb stood up and put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. He pretended not to notice when the boy flinched at his touch.  
  
"Call me Caleb...It's good to see you up and about. It's nice to have you home..." Ryan nodded slightly. Caleb sat back down, not taking his eyes off Ryan.  
  
"I understand you've worked some construction before?"  
  
"Y-yeah...a-a-a c-couple s-s-s-summers ago...."  
  
(Focus dammit!)  
  
Caleb knew to be patient with Ryan. He was actually surprised to get this much out of his new grandson after Kirsten informed him how he speech therapy had gone that morning.  
  
""What did you do on the job site?"  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
"M-mostly framing......The 'lectricians l-let me put in some pl-pl-plugs and switches....."  
  
Caleb smiled.  
  
"Good....I'm sure we can use your help this summer after school's out....If you're interested."  
  
Ryan gave him a half smile and nodded. He was done talking for now.  
  
"What book are you reading?"  
  
Ryan handed the book to Kirsten. She flipped through it and gave it back.  
  
"Think you can handle reading the first 200 pages and writing a 1500 word report?"  
  
Ryan nodded his head once again and retreated back to the family room.  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan had read for nearly two hours and he was ready to throw the book into the pool. He spent more time looking up references to Upper Canada, Lower Canada, the Ottawa Valley, large 'C' Catholics, small 'c' Catholics , the Church of England, patois, Mary-Tess, Mary-Jim, Mary-Ben, Sneezey, Dopey, Doc, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.....Kafka would have been a breeze compared to this. He tossed the book on the table, leaned back and closed his eyes, the images of early 20th century Canada swirling around in his head.  
  
"Ryan...Can I get you anything?"  
  
He opened his eyes and saw Kirsten with papers in one hand and a coffee in the other. She had already force-fed him lunch. He shook his head. Just as Kirsten was going to remind him to use his words, the phone rang. She came back a minute later and held out the phone.  
  
"It's Trey....He wants to talk to you..." 


	19. chapter nineteen

Okay, here we go. Same disclaimers as always.....  
  
Chapter Nineteen.  
  
Kirsten handed the phone to Ryan, gave him an encouraging smile and left the room. Ryan's hands started to tremble as he spoke into the phone,  
  
" 'lo...."  
  
"Hey Ry...It's good to hear your voice man...How ya doing....?"  
  
" 'kay...."  
  
Ryan was unsure if Trey knew about the accident.  
  
"Your lawyer, Cohen's been keeping me informed...you know, about the 'accident'..."  
  
"He-he t-t-told you....?"  
  
"Yeah.....It was front page news. He called me after it happened and then came to see me."  
  
Ryan was startled. Sandy hadn't told him he'd gone to visit Trey or even that he called him.  
  
"Ry.....you still there?"  
  
Ryan swallowed hard.  
  
"Y---yeah..."What..he......w-what d-d-d-id..."  
  
(Fuck, fuck, FUCK!)  
  
Trey's voice became soft and soothing, not unlike the tone he'd used to comfort his younger brother after he'd been smacked around by one of their mom's boyfriends for studying....speaking.....breathing....  
  
"Look Ryan....It's gonna be okay....Cohen told me about the speech thing and you're getting help for it....It's gonna get better...Listen, my time is up...I'll call you in a couple of days, alright?"  
  
" 'kay....Talk t-t-to you l-later."  
  
Ryan hit the 'end' button and stared at the phone. Why didn't Sandy tell him about seeing Trey? Ryan hadn't seen his brother since Thanksgiving. He had sent his brother a Christmas card and Sandy helped him arrange an account at the prison commissary for Trey to buy smokes and stuff....  
  
That particular thought ended abruptly, interrupted by Seth, Summer and....Luke? He put the phone down and accepted a gentle hug from Summer before she sat on Seth's lap. Ryan looked up at Luke.  
  
"Hey...."  
  
Luke looked carefully at him.  
  
"You look brutal man....You okay?"  
  
Ryan smirked.  
  
"Y-yeah...."  
  
"Don't worry dude...Summer threatened to rip out Luke's lungs if he says anything stupid...." Seth tried to sound serious but failed miserably. "and that's why I love her...."  
  
Summer elbowed him in the ribs.  
  
"Two words Cohen....Rage blackouts...."  
  
Luke flopped down on another couch.  
  
"Are we gonna run a few games or what.....?"  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan left the family room twenty minutes later. The flashing lights and the loud noises emanating from the video game had given him a headache. Smudges of colour fragmented his vision as he faltered on the stairs. Holding tightly to the handrail and his can he managed to stagger up the remaining steps and into the bedroom. He fumbled with the shade, finally pulling it down. The room darkened considerably. He struggled to maintain his balance as he willed his feet towards the bed. He lay down on his side, closed his eyes, brought his knees up and waited for his head to stop reeling. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He heard the concern in Kirsten's voice.  
  
"Ryan....sweetie....What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
Ryan felt his stomach lurch, the warm vomit rising in his throat. He struggled to sit up.  
  
"S-sick...I...."  
  
Kirsten quickly grabbed the stainless steel wastebasket by the nightstand. She held it in front of Ryan as his stomach exorcised itself of it's contents. Even when there was nothing left in his gut, he was still wracked with dry heaves. As soon as he was sure he was done, Ryan lifted his head out of the wastebasket. Kirsten quickly went into the washroom, filled a glass with water and rinsed a washcloth in cold water.  
  
"Ryan...here....rinse your mouth out....."  
  
He took the glass, rinsed his mouth and spat into the metal garbage can. He repeated the action. Kirsten took the damp wash cloth and gently wiped his face. She left Ryan again and dumped the contents of the wastebasket into the toilet. She filled it with water from the tub, swished it around and dumped that into the toilet as well. Flushing the mess away, she closed the washroom door behind her. The last time Kirsten was this involved in a puke fest was when Seth was twelve. She'd deal with the rest of the stuff later. Ryan was still sitting on the edge of the bed. He wouldn't look at Kirsten when she sat down beside him.  
  
"S-s-s-sorry....."  
  
"Sh-sh-sh-sh" Kirsten soothed. "It's not the first time I've had to catch vomit....It's all part of the job description. More importantly though, how are you feeling? And I don't want to hear 'fine, alright, good or okay...'"  
  
"B-better...." Ryan said in a quiet voice.  
  
"I know you have an appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. Meyers but I'm going to call him now..."  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"No.....w-w-wait.....I-I-I got head...headache from...from w-w- watching....Lights and noise...t-tv make.....made me dizzy...I....I'm feeling o-okay now..."  
  
"Hey dude....Where'd you disappear to...." Seth stuck his head in the door. "You okay...?"  
  
"Yeah....."  
  
Ryan reached for his cane and stood up. The walls no longer moved and his vision was clear.  
  
"D-did you mm-m-miss me?"  
  
Seth rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sure if it makes you feel better....Hey, Marissa's here and your public awaits..."  
  
"J-just sec-second...I have clean....to clean......"  
  
"It's okay Ryan." Kirsten gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "I've got it...Are you sure you don't want to lie down again?"  
  
"If I do......I w-won't s-sleep tonight..." This time, Ryan's voice was strong and steady.  
  
As they neared the family room Ryan heard Marissa's voice.  
  
"I would love to live in a hotel.....just like Eloise....Hey Ryan...."  
  
Marissa stood up and gave Ryan a hug. There was no room left on the two seater couch so Ryan shuffled over to the chair he formerly occupied. Marissa sat down beside Oliver. Ryan noticed the gleam in his eyes. Oliver smiled darkly.  
  
"How you doing man?"  
  
He looked directly at the boy beside Marissa.  
  
"I'm good.."  
  
(Yes!)  
  
"So what are we talking about now?" Seth stepped over Luke to flop down beside Summer. She made an exaggerated movement as if to get away from him but in reality, she didn't move at all.  
  
"Paris..." Summer said. She wouldn't look at Seth. She knew if she played 'hard to get' just right, he'd start nuzzling her neck and well, he hadn't done that since lunch and it was about time he did it again.  
  
"Oliver lived there for a couple of years, Coop and I like the shopping along the Champs-Elysees, the Place du Tertre and the Moulin Rouge...typical touristy stuff..."  
  
"I don't like it..French chicks don't even shave their armpits.."  
  
Of course that comment came from Luke.  
  
"I lo-o-o-o-ove baguettes" Seth interjected. "and crepes and quiche......"  
  
Before Luke could make a snide comment about Seth's less than manly taste in food, he shot him a look.  
  
"Embrace the egg, dude....."  
  
"Have you ever been to Paris, Ryan....?"  
  
Oliver looked straight at Ryan, the patronizing tone in his voice evident.  
  
"N-no...n-not yet....."  
  
(Take it easy.....focus......you can do this)  
  
"b-but I heard the L-l-louvre's c-cool...."  
  
Oliver's smirk got bigger and brought the disdain in his voice up a notch.  
  
"The Louvre's totally overrated man....The Mona Lisa's the size of a postage stamp. The Musee Rodin or the Musee Picasso....those are worth seeing...."  
  
Ryan felt the embarrassment rise in his cheeks. Paris.....What the hell was he thinking. The furthest he'd ever gone was Tijuana....Ryan lowered his eyes.  
  
"No....uh-uh man.....The Louvre's the first place we're gonna hit, right Ryan?"  
  
Ryan looked up at Seth.  
  
"Weren't you telling me about the glass pyramid in front of the Louvre.....by the fountains? What did you say the architect's name was....Pei?.........Now that's cool.." Seth winked at him and continued. "When was the last time 'you' were in Paris, Oliver? I mean it's been up for at least three years....It's huge....There's no way you could miss it....."  
  
Oliver was unprepared for this little turn of events.  
  
"You know.....I really should go......I've got that world lit paper to finish up.....Can I walk you home Marissa?"  
  
Marissa shook her head.  
  
"I'm going to hang out here for a little while longer. I'll see you at school tomorrow...."  
  
Seeing no way out of the hole he dug for himself, Oliver stood up and said goodbye. He wasn't even half way out of the room when he turned and saw Marissa motioning for Ryan to sit beside her.  
  
* * * *  
  
The rest of the evening was uneventful. Sandy came home with the new Range Rover. It was nearly identical to the previous one. The only difference being the 'new car smell', but this time there was no excitement over the vehicle...just a reminder of the horrible night two weeks prior.  
  
Kirsten was still worried about Ryan. She tried not to fuss over him, but the bout of vertigo that morning and then the headache and nausea that afternoon made it hard not to worry. Even talking to Dr. Meyers didn't allay all her fears. Sandy attempted to step in and rescue Ryan.  
  
"Kirsten.....c'mon, he's seventeen...Give it a rest.....Seth, help me out here.....?"  
  
Seth laughed.  
  
"Are you kidding? It's about time you and Mom left me alone for a while. It took you guys sixteen years to rethink this 'only child' thing. I just want Ryan to feel the love....to share in the love..... 'cause this family is all about the love...."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy both threw their napkins at Seth as laughter ricocheted throughout the kitchen.  
  
* * * *  
  
Seth knocked on Ryan's door before opening it. Ryan didn't look up from his book. He knew who it was. Seth slid into the desk chair and rolled it back and forth, waiting for Ryan to put the book down. He flipped through the CD's on the desk. Their taste in music was polar opposite from each other. He shook his head as he looked.  
  
"Stevie Ray Vaughn, George Thorogood, Lynard Skynard....Dude, these guys are old....."  
  
"Some are d-dead..." Ryan still didn't look up.  
  
"Carmina Burana....You cannot be serious....?"  
  
This time a pillow came flying off the bed, nailing him in the head.  
  
"F-first part....f-first movement from....is fr-from 'Excalibur'....Trey t- t-took me to s-s-s-see it when I was a k-kid..."  
  
"Okay" said Seth, spinning around in the chair. "I'll give you that one..."  
  
Ryan closed his book.  
  
"D-did you know S-sandy went see Trey...?"  
  
Seth eyed Ryan carefully.  
  
"Yeah uh, dad called him after the crash and then went to see him after you woke up...Is that okay?"  
  
Ryan hesitated.  
  
"Y-yeah..I g-guess..."  
  
It was quiet for a minute.  
  
"Thanks for..for...you know, th-this....this afternoon w-w-with Oliver.... 'bout the Louvre...."  
  
"Hey, no problem dude.....We'll get a couple of mondo summer jobs with Grandpa, save the cash and go after senior year....see I.M. Pei's glass pyramid for real..."  
  
Ryan gave Seth an inquisitive look. Seth knew Ryan was dying to find out how he knew about the glass structure. He could see the wheels turning, the gears grinding. Ryan was in awe of his brilliance....!  
  
"You read in b-b-b-book your gr-grandfather gave m-m-me....."  
  
Ryan moved just in time as the pillow came sailing back at him.  
  
* * * *  
  
Sandy and Kirsten sat on the couch enjoying a glass of Australian Shiraz. Sandy peered over his wineglass at his wife.  
  
"You're quiet tonight....Did everything go alright? How was Ryan's speech therapy?"  
  
"Lauren, the therapist, said Ryan was doing well. H sees her again on Thursday. I'm glad he sees Dr. Meyers tomorrow because he was sick this afternoon..."  
  
Sandy became concerned.  
  
"Sick....what do you mean....?"  
  
"He said he had a headache and then he threw up...He said he felt better after, but I don't know Sandy...What if he's getting worse? I called Dr. Meyers.....He didn't seem too worried. He thought it might have been sensory overload. Ryan told me he was watching Seth and Luke play video games when he started to feel sick.....He's been fine ever since, but he didn't eat much at dinner.....he just sort of moved it from one side of the late to the other....."  
  
"Hey, hey....It's probably just what Dr. Meyers said. Ryan looked okay when I saw him. Have you told him about his appointment with Dr. Rodriguez after he sees Dr. Meyers?  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"I know he agreed to go, but I thought if he had too much time to think about it, he might refuse to see her...I wanted this to be his choice, but...."  
  
Sandy shushed Kirsten with a kiss.  
  
"I think he's had to make way too many adult decisions in his life..we'll take this one off his hands...." 


	20. chapter twenty

This is the last chapter for about a week. I've got a couple of TWoP "hiatus homework" assignments that I'll be posting here. Don't worry, I'll be continuing this story as soon as possible. Thanks to all for the reviews and encouragement. You've been amazing!  
  
Still don't own the characters. I'm just taking them for a spin around the 'word pad'.  
  
Author's (ha-ha!) note: I really do know how to spell Lynyrd Skynyrd, plate and cane. I won't type after 2am anymore!  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
Wednesday, January 14  
  
Ryan was quiet on the drive to the hospital, more quiet than usual. Every once in a while Kirsten would steal a glance at him as he stared out the window, expressionless.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts..."  
  
Ryan didn't answer.  
  
"Okay.....a penny doesn't get you much these days...how about a dollar?"  
  
Ryan looked away from the window and turned to Kirsten.  
  
"P-pardon....?"  
  
Kirsten quickly squeezed his hand with hers before she put it back on the steering wheel.  
  
"What were you thinking about?"  
  
"I don't.....I d-d-d-don't know.....J-just stuff in my head...."  
  
Kirsten turned into the hospital parking lot and pulled into a spot near the outpatient entrance. She turned off the ignition and shifted her body so she was looking at Ryan.  
  
"I know you hate this question but.... Are you okay.....really? You didn't sleep well last night. You were pretty restless....do you want to tell me about it?"  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"I c-can't t-t-talk 'bout it....stuff in m-my head...I...I need f-forget" he whispered.  
  
For a moment Ryan looked so fragile that Kirsten was afraid he might have a breakdown in the car. He then took a deep breath despite the warnings from his taped ribs and pulled himself together. His face was once again unreadable.  
  
"Don't w-w-want be late" he said as he opened the car door.  
  
Kirsten was amazed at the instant change in Ryan's demeanor. He now looked as if nothing was wrong. The only indication Kirsten had that all was not right was the look in Ryan's eyes. She had seen that look before. She saw it when Sandy first brought him home and introduced Ryan to her. She saw it when Luke brought him back after the fire. She saw it when Dawn left. She saw it now, but as soon as Dr. Meyers met them in the waiting room the look in Ryan's eyes became more resolved. A few minutes ago he looked as if he would emotionally fall apart. Now he looked calm and in control as he followed the doctor into the examination room.  
  
In the waiting area, Kirsten distractedly thumbed through a fashion magazine for nearly two hours. Anne Klein provided her work wear, Armani, her evening wear and Levi's, her casual wear. She smirked as she saw the latest offerings from Betsey Johnson. Nothing said 'look at me, I have no clue' like a 40 year old wearing Betsey. Kirsten had never hidden behind clothes. Labels meant less to her than fit. Her clothing came from the 'ready to wear' collections by the designers and had to do with how they fit her naturally slender frame as opposed to 'status'.  
  
A nurse came and asked Kirsten to follow her into Dr. Meyers' office. Ryan was already seated in a chair across from the doctor's desk. His expression was still unreadable, although he did offer up a small smile when she settled into a chair beside him.  
  
Dr. Meyers gave her a reassuring smile.  
  
"Everything looks pretty good, Mrs. Cohen and I've already talked to Ryan about this. We've removed the last of the stitches in Ryan's head and chest. His temperature is still a little elevated so I'll prescribe another round of Ceclor. Blood pressure is still a little on the low side so we'll keep an eye on that. There's a slight improvement in his balance....do you have a treadmill?"  
  
Kirsten reached for Ryan's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Yes and believe it or not it doesn't have clothes hanging from it..."  
  
"Good..." Dr. Meyers turned to Ryan. "I want you on it at least a half hour every day. Take it slow and hang onto the handrails...."  
  
Ryan nodded and Kirsten squeezed his hand a little tighter.  
  
"Okay..." he answered, understanding the meaning of the increased pressure on his fingers.  
  
It was Kirsten's turn to speak. She tried to keep the concern in her voice to a minimum.  
  
"What about yesterday......when Ryan got sick....?"  
  
Dr. Meyers shook his head.  
  
"We ran another scan this morning, just to be on the safe side. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Ryan's brain took quite a beating in the accident. Flashing lights and loud noises are going to do a number on him for a while. I'm positive yesterday's incident was sensory overload, the suddenness of the onset and the quick recovery all point to that diagnosis."  
  
Dr. Meyers got up from behind his desk to answer the knock at his door. Kirsten turned to see a large, black and white houndstooth patterned jacket enter the room. It took a second to remove her eyes from the jacket and look at the fact of the person wearing it. Of course it was........  
  
Kirsten stood up to shake Dr. Rodriguez's outstretched hand.  
  
"Good morning Mrs. Cohen...Ryan...." She smiled at him before she turned back to Kirsten.  
  
"I called your husband to confirm Ryan's appointment for this afternoon and he told me you were here, so I decided to meet the two of you this morning instead..."  
  
Kirsten nervously glanced back down at Ryan, who was looking very apprehensive. He remembered the Cohens' talking to him in the hospital about seeing a therapist, but he really hoped they had forgotten.  
  
"Ryan......I'm Dr. Rodriguez. I've met you once before, but this is the first time you've been awake."  
  
Ryan pulled himself up and shook her hand. He shot Kirsten a 'deer caught in the headlights' look.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez looked at Dr. Meyers and Kirsten.  
  
"Dr. Meyers....May I use your office?  
  
"Uh, yes Doctor.....I have a staff meeting now anyway...."  
  
Dr. Meyers knew full well that his mother wasn't asking permission but was issuing a command.  
  
"Good." Dr. Rodriguez said brusquely. "Mrs. Cohen.....I'll have Ryan page you when we're finished."  
  
She ushered Dr. Meyers and Kirsten out the door and closed it behind them. She took off her jacket, draped it over her chair and sat down. She smiled at Ryan.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen didn't tell you about our meeting today did they?"  
  
Ryan shook his head.  
  
"Sorry kiddo, your doctor gave me the heads up about speech therapy. You're going to have to articulate your answers."  
  
Ryan rolled his cane between his hands.  
  
".... 'kay..."  
  
"Can I get you something to drink? You've had a long morning.....?"  
  
"N-no th-th-thanks....."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez got up and went to a small fridge tucked in beside some cabinets. She reached in and pulled out two small bottles of orange juice. She opened them both, inserted straws and placed one in front of Ryan before she sat down again  
  
She looked carefully at Ryan, using the moment to read him. His face was impassive, but his eyes betrayed the nervousness he was feeling.  
  
"How long have you been a member of the Cohen family?"  
  
Ryan's eyes flashed. He was used to being asked how long he'd been living with the Cohens or when did the Cohens take him in, but he'd never had the question put that way before.  
  
"S-s-six m-m-m-months....."  
  
('Nice and easy......tell her what she wants to hear......get this over  
and done with....')  
  
"What do you think of Newport?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez was mapping out safe territories for discussion. She knew that his emotional 'ground zero' was ticking away just below the surface and she couldn't risk it exploding before Ryan was ready to handle the fall out.  
  
"It's...it's l-l-like liv...living in g-gold fish bowl....."  
  
The doctor laughed.  
  
"I'm with you on that one....What school are you going to....?"  
  
"Harbour......"  
  
"Do you like it there?"  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
"It's o-okay....different...."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez noticed Ryan was starting to relax. Her goal for this meeting was simply to get Ryan to agree to meet with her again.  
  
"What courses are you taking?"  
  
He reached for the orange juice, trying to command his hands to stop shaking. The doctor pretended not to notice as she waited for Ryan to put the bottle back down.  
  
"W-w-w-world lit....calculus....phys......physics....a-a-algebra....."  
  
"That's a pretty hefty load....Calculus and algebra?"  
  
Ryan gave her a half smile.  
  
"I..I l-like m-m-m-math....."  
  
The next 45 minutes went by quickly. They talked about innocuous things like books, movies, music. Dr. Rodriguez was surprised Ryan was as well read as he was, not because underprivileged kids in working class cities didn't read things besides "Mad" magazine and comic books, but rather by the wide variety of books he had read. She saw what Sandy Cohen saw in him the first time he met Ryan. A kid who'd been hurt and neglected by the very people who were supposed to take care of him, but he was a kid who hadn't given up on himself yet. He still clung to a shred of hope that he could rise above his past. No matter what he said, his dreams hadn't died yet.  
  
"So...will you come and see me again?"  
  
Ryan hesitated before he nodded.  
  
"...'kay..."  
  
She dug into her briefcase and pulled out a small pale blue card with her name, address and telephone numbers on it.  
  
"I'd like to see you on Monday and Wednesday afternoons, at 1:30....Is that alright with you?"  
  
Ryan was unsure. Twice a week?  
  
"I..I'm n-n-n-not......"  
  
"We'll change the times once you're back in school full time....."  
  
Ryan sighed. He knew he wasn't getting out of this.  
  
"Y-yeah...f-f-fine....."  
  
"Good....I'd have you page your mom right now but I have the feeling she's waiting right outside."  
  
Ryan slowly pulled himself up, using the arms of the chair for leverage. He leaned on his cane as he made his way to the door Dr. Rodriguez just opened. Sure enough, Kirsten was in the waiting room. She stood up as soon as she saw him. Dr. Rodriguez handed Ryan the blue appointment card.  
  
"I'll see you on Monday...."  
  
She nodded to Kirsten and then closed the door. She sat back down at the desk and pulled out the notebook she had used when she first visited Ryan in the hospital. She opened it and started to write.  
  
It was just past 12:30 when Kirsten and Ryan got back into the car. She looked over at him. He looked tired. It had been a long morning.  
  
"Are you hungry?"  
  
Ryan looked at Kirsten. His eyes twinkled mischievously.  
  
"Are you c-c-cooking.....?"  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"Smart ass.....I'm in the mood for a cheeseburger....."  
  
"S-s-s-sounds good..."  
  
Kirsten pulled into the Crab Shack parking lot. She glanced at Ryan as she unbuckled her seatbelt. He made no movement to unbuckle his.  
  
"Ryan....?"  
  
"Why here?" He whispered.  
  
Kirsten gently touched Ryan's chin and moved his head so he was looking at her.  
  
"Two reasons.....One.....despite being called the 'Crab Shack', they actually make a decent burger and two, Walter has called us four times now to see if you're alright. I know he doesn't believe Sandy or myself, so I thought he can see for himself....If you're not comfortable here we can go somewhere else...."  
  
"I'll g-g-g-go in...." Ryan unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door.  
  
Kirsten linked her arm in his as they entered the restaurant. The lunch rush was in full swing, but Kirsten managed to find an empty booth. She watched as Ryan slid to the end of the vinyl bench, resting his head in his right hand, trying to cover his scars. She mentally kicked herself for not realizing the reason Ryan didn't want to come in was because he was self- conscious about his appearance. Kirsten could hear the whispers coming from adjacent tables. She reached for his hand and brought it back down to the table, keeping her hand on top of his.  
  
"Sweetie.....I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I know it sounds like a line, but I don't see the bruises and the scars....I just see you..."  
  
Ryan looked up at Kirsten.  
  
" 's okay...I c-can't hide 'til hair g-grows back...."  
  
The waitress came by with the menus and water glasses. She barely looked at him as she took Kirsten's order. She then turned to Ryan.  
  
"I'll h-have a 'burger with b-bacon and...."  
  
Erin knew that voice. She looked up at her 'customer'.  
  
"Ryan!!!!" she squealed as she slid onto the bench beside him. "You are alright...Let me get my mom and dad...."  
  
Erin partially slid out of the booth and then scooted back in to give Ryan a hug. She ran back to the kitchen. Any hope of a quiet lunch was trampled as Ryan's boss Walter and his wife Maude came out of the kitchen. Ryan pushed his way off the bench to accept the hugs he knew were coming.  
  
Walter spoke first.  
  
"We were worried about you...Your dad came in to see us after your accident but...."  
  
Maude let Ryan go after hugging him.  
  
"You're too skinny.....You're never going to survive a Saturday shift if you don't gain some weight....."  
  
Ryan was surprised.  
  
"Y-you're holding m-m-my job f-f-for m-me......?"  
  
"Damn straight." said Walter. "Mrs. Mulder asks about you every time she's in here. The Shapiro's give all the other staff a hard time. They only want to be waited on by you.... Erin's been miserable for the last couple of weeks...."  
  
"Dad!.............."  
  
Walter continued.  
  
"As soon as you're ready to come back, your job is waiting for you. We'll get your orders in and we'll all sit for lunch..... "Johnny....!" Walter yelled. "You're in charge...." 


	21. chapter twenty one

Twenty one chapters and the poor boy still isn't in therapy (Sorry, Walter.). He's on his way though. (Fictional, dammit, fictional!). I still don't own anything. All the legal stuff has been addressed in previous chapters and they still apply.  
  
Chapter Twenty One.  
  
Monday, January 19  
  
For the first time ever, Ryan Atwood was nervous about going to school. Even his first morning at Harbour didn't worry him. It was just a school wrapped up in a pretty package...a very expensive package.  
  
He sat at the kitchen island, staring into the half filled coffee mug Kirsten allowed him to have. She was determined that if there was any room in his stomach at all, then it would be filled with something relatively healthy. He refused to drink the liquid meal replacement that had played a large part of his diet during his recovery anymore. His gag reflex would activate even at the suggestion of the stuff which of course amused Seth to no end. His clothes still hung loosely from his body. He looked pale and tired. There was still evidence of bruising on his face and torso, and the sandy blonde stubble merely provided a back drop for the vicious scars on his head.  
  
Kirsten hovered over Ryan, her maternal instincts in overdrive. She placed Ryan's antibiotic and multi vitamin down in front of him beside the glass of soy milk she poured for him. That stuff tasted almost as bad as the meal replacement did, but he knew it would be a losing battle if he fought Kirsten on this. He swallowed the pills and chased them back with a swallow of chocolate flavoured soy milk. He closed his eyes, not daring to breathe until he was sure it would all stay down. A generous sip of coffee helped get the taste out of his mouth. Kirsten watched him, a smirk lining her face.  
  
Seth entered the kitchen, book bag and jacket in his hand. He looked at Ryan.  
  
"What did mom make you eat this time..?"  
  
Ryan held up his partially filled glass of soy milk.  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"That's harsh dude...."  
  
A wet dish cloth caught Seth in the side of the face.  
  
"Mom.....My hair was working for me.....Now you've...you've..."  
  
Sandy joined them in the kitchen, briefcase in one hand and trying to adjust his tie with the other. Kirsten moved towards her husband and helped him with his tie. After she finished, Kirsten kissed Sandy. Seth rolled his eyes.  
  
"Will you guys knock it off....That's so not the visual image I want to carry around with me today.....You're going to scar me for life with all of this....this....."  
  
Kirsten and Sandy ignored Seth. He sighed and turned to Ryan.  
  
"You ready to go dude....?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"Yeah....I j-just need my....my knapsack"  
  
He reached for his cane and went upstairs to his bedroom. He was getting used to the room, but he was worried when his recurring nightmares would wake everyone. It had happened three times since he came home from the hospital. Each time he woke up screaming from his terrors, Kirsten and Sandy would be on either side of the bed, gently reassuring him he was safe. Seth would always be in the doorway, worried. The other nights, when the screams occurred only in his dreams, Ryan would crawl out of bed and huddle in the corner, retreating into the dark recesses of his mind, where his nightmares couldn't find him. The dreams came every night now. No matter how much he re-enforced his mental vault, the smeared images always managed to escape.... invading his sleep..... holding him down...... groping hands painfully caressing him......whispering to him.....owning him.  
  
Ryan didn't know why the dreams were attacking him. He hadn't had them very often in Chino, in his previous life. They occurred more when he arrived in Newport, but the walls of the pool house would muffle his terror. Since the accident, his nightmares became routine. They didn't give him a reprieve. The missing pieces of his nightmares were always just out of reach. What he did know was there was no way in hell he was going to talk to Dr. Rodriguez about them. He would bury these dreams so deep that they wouldn't surface again. All he needed to do was concentrate. He could do this......  
  
"Ryan.....bud......You ready to go?"  
  
Seth gently touched Ryan's elbow. He opened his eyes and looked at Seth, puzzled.  
  
"Y-yeah...l-let's do this...."  
  
* * * *  
  
Sandy dropped Seth off in the quad and then made his way to Dr. Kim's office with Ryan. Ryan insisted on carrying his knapsack. He was getting quite adept at using his cane, even venturing to take a few steps without it. He was far from being able to ditch it though. He still held the rails of the treadmill in a death grip as he used it everyday, dizziness engulfing him if he tried to go faster than 5km per hour.  
  
His nervousness at being back in school had almost developed into full blown panic by the time they made it to the dean's office. The stares and whispers had started. Again, Ryan's eyes betrayed nothing. Sandy only knew how his son was feeling by the change in his breathing patterns. Sandy squeezed Ryan's shoulder in an effort to calm him down. He gave Sandy a shaky smile as they entered Dr. Kim's office. She was waiting for them.  
  
"Mr. Cohen....Ryan.....Good morning. It's so nice to have you back at school. You're absence was felt by all the faculty and students....."  
  
Ryan's face remained impassive and Sandy fought the urge to laugh.  
  
"That's very kind of you Dr. Kim.....I trust everything is in order for Ryan to receive his class work form his afternoon teachers before he leaves?  
  
"Yes.."  
  
Before Dr. Kim could continue, Sandy cut her off.  
  
Good.....Either Mrs. Cohen or I will pick Ryan up at 12:30 everyday this week.  
  
Dr. Kim nodded and offered Sandy a stilted smile. She picked up something from her desk and turned to Ryan. She had a 'Pirates' hat in her hands and held it out to him.  
  
"You might feel a little more comfortable wearing this....."  
  
Ryan looked at the dean. Comfortable for whom, he thought?  
  
"N-no thank.....you...I d-d-don't wear h-hats.  
  
Dr. Kim was about to speak again when Sandy interrupted.  
  
"I'm surprised Dr. Kim..." Sandy's voice was dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Even Ryan, who received the first two years of his high school education at a public school in Chino that was certainly not up to the 'standards' of Harbour was taught not to wear a hat indoors....It's just not done in polite society, and we both know that there are no manners or civility in Chino....."  
  
Sandy stole a glance at Ryan who was doing his best not to snicker. Dean Kim was speechless. Sandy continued, the sarcasm waning.  
  
"Thank-you Dr. Kim for making Ryan feel so welcome. You have my phone numbers and Kirsten's cell phone and office numbers....." He nodded to Ryan. "We don't want Ryan to be late for class his first day back....."  
  
"We will take good care of him, Mr. Cohen....." Dr. Kim finally found her voice.  
  
Sandy waved at her and walked Ryan to his class.  
  
"I'll be here at 12:30......Call me if it gets too much for you...."  
  
"I'll be o-okay.....S-s-seth's got m-my back..."  
  
The words were meant to reassure Sandy, but they didn't help much. He felt like he was throwing Ryan to the lions, at the very least, he was throwing him to the 'preppy little savages'. He knew Ryan heard the whispers and saw the finger pointing. Sandy looked at his watch. It was going to be a long morning and he had little patience on the best of days for dealing with overgrown hedges, bad manicures and what ever petty differences the royalty of Orange County couldn't work out for themselves. This morning would be a true test for him.  
  
* * * *  
  
Ryan tentatively walked to his seat, ignoring the stares. A few of his classmates smiled at him, but the bulk of his world lit class was made up of friends of Brad and Merlin. Merlin was in this class as well. As Ryan sat down, he could feel Merlin staring at him. He leaned his cane against the large desk and took out his books. His report on "What's Bred in the Bone" was printed off and in a folder, waiting to be handed in. As the class started, Ryan was grateful that the teacher had only acknowledged him with a "Welcome back, Mr. Atwood....." and went on with the lesson.  
  
It was a relatively easy class that morning. The teacher had collected the essays and assigned the next report. Ryan opened the Robertson Davies novel. He still felt Merlin's eyes on him. This time, instead of looking back down, Ryan met the other boy's stare and held it. This time, Merlin looked away.  
  
By the time Ryan's calc class ended, he was exhausted physically and mentally. He still needed to prepare for his session with Dr. Rodriguez. He sat outside for lunch, finding an empty table that faced the back wall. It was as private as he was going to get. He let his brain shut out everything around him.  
  
Ryan followed the well worn path to his mental vault. He inspected it closely. The voices were silent except for one. The low guttural voice that proclaimed ownership of him. He could barely hear it, but it was there. He searched for the voice, hoping to silence it, trying to ignore the cold, rough fingers that now danced over his shoulders, back and....He started to run, falling and twisting to escape the icy hands that threatened him. He was unable to catch his breath...What the fuck was happening?............He was in control here in this place of his own design.....He was supposed to have command over what went on. Why was he unable to contain his fears when he needed to the most? He couldn't afford to give in to them now, not when he had so much to lose.....Why was it falling apart now?................Suck it up Atwood.......Pull it together.....Pull yourself together.......You can't lose it now.....you don't have that luxury...."  
  
"Ryan......?"  
  
It was spoken softly, but it still had the strength to penetrate his frantic thoughts.  
  
"Ryan......It's okay.....C'mon back...."  
  
Ryan blinked. Seth was sitting across from him, trying to remain nonchalant at witnessing another one of Ryan's 'exit from reality'.  
  
"Dude, you are seriously freaking me out....." Seth's attempt at nonchalance went out the proverbial window as Ryan refocused on the world around him.  
  
"Are you okay now...?"  
  
Ryan looked down at his lunch tray.  
  
"Yeah.....j-just trying....trying to d-d-deal...."  
  
Seth studied Ryan for a second and decided to let the matter drop for now.  
  
"Mom is so gonna kick your ass if you don't eat your lunch. Even worse, she's still got a couple cans of that......."  
  
Seth stopped and watched Ryan's face turn a pasty white as he struggled not to gag. Ryan closed his eyes and waited for the feeling to pass. He opened his eyes and glared at Seth.  
  
"N-not funny..."  
  
Seth leaned closer to Ryan.  
  
"Neither was that little 'zone out' I witnessed..."  
  
Ryan picked up his sandwich. He had no appetite, but he knew he needed to eat something, Seth's threats aside.  
  
By the time he finished his lunch, he had 5 minutes to get to the main entrance to meet Sandy. Seth walked with him, carrying Ryan's knapsack. He had tried to take it from Seth, but Seth just slung it over his back.  
  
"Dude, if you want it, you're going to have to take it from me and I can confidently say that my ass is not going to get kicked by you today, or even the next few days unless of course you decide to fall over on me, which of course does not play into my fantasies at all because if someone is going to land on me 'she's' going to have long, dark brown hair and a nice set of...."  
  
"Shut up Seth....."  
  
Ryan tried to glare at Seth, but his eyes were laughing.  
  
Seth grinned.  
  
"Shutting up now......Let's go 'tripod'...." He said, gesturing to Ryan's cane. "Dad's probably waiting now...."  
  
Sandy watched as Seth and Ryan walked towards him. Seth was waving his hands animatedly, talking a mile a minute. Sandy couldn't hear what his dark haired son was saying. He studied Ryan's face for a moment. He seemed composed and sure of himself. It always amazed Sandy to see his two sons together, how close they were. Seeing the two of them would always re- enforce that he'd done the right thing in bringing Ryan home with him that summer evening. There were times when he struggled if he really had done the right thing. He knew Ryan couldn't stay with his drunk, drug-addled mother and her parade of boyfriends, but he hadn't appreciated the difficulty Ryan had adjusting to a totally different lifestyle. A lifestyle where he wasn't expected to remain invisible, where dinner was a nightly event and not just something saved from the free lunch program at school and where hands would only be used to hug and reassure, not to inflict pain. It was a lifestyle that Sandy sometimes took for granted, despite his own troubling history.  
  
He had no time to finish those thoughts. Seth opened the car door for Ryan and tossed the knapsack in the back seat. Ryan slid in the front. Seth looked at his dad.  
  
"Take care of the 'boy wonder' here....He's not as indestructible as he thinks he is..."  
  
Sandy looked at Ryan, who merely rolled his eyes and shook his head.....He looked back at Seth.  
  
"You keep teasing him like this and your mother and I are not going to protect you once he's feeling better...."  
  
"Dad...I've got weeks before 'little brother' here is in any condition to rip my head off.....besides.....I'm sure I'll do something nice for him before then and all will be forgiven.....If not, Summer will protect me...."  
  
Ryan looked at Seth.  
  
"I'm s-sitting right here and I'm h-h-holding a....a weapon......" he said, holding up his cane.  
  
"Yeah, well, you're gonna need it for your 'song and dance' routine with Dr. Rodriguez..."  
  
"Seth!.........." Sandy said sharply. He then looked over at Ryan.  
  
Ryan looked amused.  
  
"P-puttin' on the r-ritz...."  
  
Sandy remembered the movie 'Young Frankenstein" they all watched last night and how the boys giggled at Peter Boyle's rendition of the musical number. He relaxed and looked at Seth.  
  
"We'll see you at home....Have a good afternoon..."  
  
"You too..." Seth responded, knocking on the roof of the black BMW as it was leaving the parking lot.  
  
Sandy glanced over at Ryan again.  
  
"You okay with this.....? Seeing Dr. Rodriguez....?''  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
"I d-don't really have a ch-choice d-do I....?"  
  
Sandy was about to tell Ryan he did have a choice, but...."  
  
"No.....not this time....."  
  
Ryan turned and looked out the passenger side window.  
  
"Then we....we b-better not b-be late..... 'cause th-that's just not d-done in polite society......." 


	22. chapter twenty two

Seeing as there are some good stories out there dealing with Ryan and therapy, I've decided to change things up a little in this story. Not a lot, but, heck I don't know where this is going. Thanks for sticking with me. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement.  
  
The Fictional!dammit!fictional! fairy has not granted my wish of ownership, so the characters still belong to Josh Schwartz and Fox.  
  
Chapter Twenty two  
  
Sandy and Ryan stood in front of a solid mahogany door, waiting for someone to answer. Sandy noticed the shaking in Ryan's hands. He knew Ryan was frightened. It wasn't just nerves. The way his eyes darted around, it almost looked like he was looking for an escape route.  
  
The door opened. Dr. Rodriguez smiled at Ryan.  
  
"I'm glad you're here............. Come in............." 


	23. chapter twenty three

"This is a Dark Ride..." Say it with me. "I don't own squat!"  
  
Chapter Twenty-three.  
  
Seth didn't take the news very well. Not that Sandy expected him too. Hell, he could barely deal with it. Now he stood in the family room, watching Seth sit on the edge of the pool, staring into the water. Seth asked to be left alone and as much as Sandy wanted to comfort his son, he respected his wishes.  
  
Sandy felt a pair of arms around his waist. He smelled the perfume he had given Kirsten for Chrismukkah. The smell always reminded him of when life was uncomplicated. "April Fields". It was a cheap cologne available at discount stores. He had given it to Kirsten when they were dating and she'd worn it everyday since.  
  
"Is Seth okay...?"  
  
Sandy shook his head, not taking his eyes off Seth.  
  
"I don't know... He won't talk about it. I think he's beating himself up for not realizing how bad off Ryan is."  
  
Kirsten wrapped her arms tighter.  
  
"You are too..."  
  
"Kirsten... I should have seen it coming." Sandy said, his voice catching. "I have his file... I should have realized..."  
  
Kirsten let go of Sandy and stepped in front of her husband, facing him.  
  
"Sandy... I will not let you go there... You told me his file wasn't complete. You've never told me all of what's in there and as his mother, I'm going to have to read it. I should have read it before, but I wanted to get to know Ryan, our son, not Ryan, the file."  
  
"Kirsten... we might lose him... He may never trust us again..."  
  
She held Sandy's face in her hands.  
  
"I can accept him hating us for a while, but I can't accept him hurting. I can't accept him being terrified by his past or scared stiff that we're going to find out about it. He needs to deal with it and we need to deal with it..."  
  
They both stood there silently, watching Seth as he absently kicked his feet in the water. Kirsten kissed Sandy.  
  
"I'm going to check on Ryan and then go out and talk to Seth... Are you going to be okay...?"  
  
Sandy shook his head. He felt so tired.  
  
"No..."  
  
Kirsten wasn't sure what to say. Sandy continued.  
  
"I should go and finish up the paperwork for Ryan's... for..." He couldn't finish the sentence. "I don't want to lose him, Kirsten..."  
  
"Sandy... Stop..." Kirsten took his face again in her hands. "Listen to me... We are not going to lose him... We will work through this as a family and we will be stronger for it..."  
  
Sandy held on to Kirsten tightly.  
  
"Have I told you how much I love you?"  
  
Kirsten offered up a small smile, looking into her husband's blue eyes.  
  
"Not for about 18 hours, so I think you're due..."  
  
* *  
  
Kirsten wanted nothing more than to pick Ryan up and hold him close to her as she watched him sleep. She sent up a quiet prayer of thanks as she watched his peaceful slumber. She also asked for strength and wisdom for the days to come. She wondered if Dawn ever held Ryan and comforted him when he was small, when he was hurt or scared. She prayed that they could help make up for the previous 16 plus years of his life. When Ryan was around them, it was so hard to believe that he was only almost 17. He acted so much older, yet when he was asleep like this, he looked so much younger...  
  
* *  
  
Seth aimlessly kicked his feet around in the pool, watching the water ripple on the surface. He stared at his reflection, distorted by the water's movement. He saw his mother's refection in the water.  
  
"Can I sit down?" She asked softly.  
  
Seth just shrugged. Kirsten pulled off her shoes and sat beside Seth, lowering her feet in the warm water.  
  
"Everything's going to be alright you know..."  
  
Seth looked at his mother. She could see his eyes were red and swollen.  
  
"How can you say that?" Seth struggled not to scream. "You and Dad are sending Ryan away... You're dumping him and I'm supposed to be alright with that?"  
  
"Seth...! Stop it...! That's enough...!"  
  
Seth was ready to get up and take off, but Kirsten held on to his arm.  
  
"I want you to listen to me. We are not 'dumping' Ryan. His issues are more than your dad and I can safely handle. He wouldn't be safe here. Ryan needs help, sweetie, and we can't do it alone... We're not leaving him... We want him to get well so our family will be whole again...You, your dad, Ryan and me... But he needs to go to the clinic to get better..."  
  
"He's gonna think we're abandoning him too... Like his dad... his m-m... Dawn..."  
  
Kirsten released Seth's arm and put her arm around his shoulder.  
  
"I know he's going to think that, but we'll just have to show him it's not true... We'll be staying in San Diego at your Grandfather's beach house while Ryan is in the clinic there. I called Dr. Kim while I was at the office and made arrangements for your school work."  
  
"Did you tell her about Ryan...?"  
  
Kirsten shook her head.  
  
"No... All she knows is we're taking a family vacation to help Ryan's physical recovery."  
  
"So we'll get to see him at this clinic?" Seth sounded hopeful.  
  
"Sweetie, part of Ryan's therapy is going to include all of us. There's going to be things in his past that will come out and they'll be awful to hear..."  
  
"I know that someone his mom knew would mess around with him..." Seth said quietly.  
  
Kirsten held her son tighter.  
  
"There's more to it than that." Kirsten said softly. "There's going to be some horrible things Ryan's going to have to deal with and I need to know if you think you can handle it."  
  
I'm going to handle it... I have to..." Seth's voice was barely a whisper now.  
  
Kirsten drew her son closer to her.  
  
"Seth, your dad and I want nothing more than to protect you from stuff like this, but we can't. Instead, we have to treat you as an adult in this situation..."  
  
"C'mon Mom.... I'm so close to 17, I can taste it..."  
  
"Not for another two weeks you're not... You're still my baby..." Kirsten smiled.  
  
Seth offered up a small smile of his own.  
  
"Ryan's is 12 days after mine..."  
  
"I know... He's our Valentines baby..."  
  
"Mom... No more 'baby' talk, okay?"  
  
Kirsten leaned over and kissed Seth on his forehead.  
  
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be..." crooned Kirsten, reciting a line from one of Seth's favourite childhood books.  
  
"Robert Munsch, Mom? That's not playing fair..."  
  
Seth and Kirsten sat by the pool in silence, each wrapped up in their own thoughts. Seth was the first one to speak again.  
  
"When are you and Dad going to tell Ryan?"  
  
Kirsten thought for a moment.  
  
"We'll talk to him tonight, after dinner. Your dad is filling out the paperwork now. It's tearing him up inside... He's having a really hard time dealing with this... We all are..."  
  
More silence.  
  
"I should get dinner started..."  
  
Seth looked dubiously at his mother. Kirsten silenced him with a look.  
  
"The meatballs are from Costco. The sauce is from a jar. The salad is out of a bag. I think I can handle boiling the pasta..."  
  
"Well, at least the sauce should be edible..."  
  
Seth wasn't expecting his mom to shove him into the pool.  
  
* *  
  
Ryan entered the kitchen as Seth was setting the table. Kirsten looked up and smiled at him. He looked so sweet, his hair tousled, his eyes heavy with sleep. His balance was compromised as he started leaning to one side. Seth dropped the cutlery on the table as he rushed over to straighten his brother up.  
  
"Th-thanks..." Ryan mumbled as Seth led him to a kitchen chair. "Still k- kind of sleepy..."  
  
Seth finished placing the knives and forks.  
  
"That's okay dude... Mom's cooking'll keep you awake tonight..."  
  
"Seth...!" Kirsten warned.  
  
Seth ignored his mom.  
  
"Most of this stuff is store bought, so the meatballs might really be meat..."  
  
"They m-might b-be cake...." Ryan deadpanned.  
  
"They might be 'meat-cake'..." they said in unison.  
  
"Hey... Have you two been watching my George Carlin videos again?" Sandy snarked as he walked into the kitchen. This was another image he wanted imprinted on his brain.  
  
Kirsten glanced at her husband. He looked tired and drawn. She knew he was putting on a brave front... They all were...  
  
* *  
  
Conversation was stilted during dinner. For the first time, Sandy found himself wishing Seth would start his inane chatter. Kirsten, Sandy and Seth kept stealing glances at Ryan, who was just rolling pasta around his fork. He hadn't eaten anything.  
  
"Ryan... Is your dinner okay?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Y-yeah.... It's... it's f-fine..."  
  
Kirsten started talking about the housing development that was nearing completion. Ryan tuned out the conversation, staring at his plate. His mom used to make spaghetti. She'd made it a lot, especially after Gavin moved in.  
  
The voice proclaiming ownership over him started. The nausea was building. He always felt sick the day after his mom would make it... spaghetti... He hated it, but he didn't know why. He could feel the cold fingers running up his spine.  
  
("I own you... I've bought and paid for you... You belong to me...")  
  
Ryan struggled to drown out that voice. He tried to focus on the conversation the Cohen's were having.  
  
"Haddassah Bazaar...? C'mon Dad... Do we have to go? Help me out Ryan..."  
  
Ryan looked at Seth. He had no clue what they were talking about.  
  
"No way..." Said Sandy, reaching for Ryan's shoulder, pretending not to notice when he moved away from his touch.  
  
"Ryan, you haven't lived until you've had a real blueberry blintz..."  
  
("I OWN YOU..." the voice screamed in his head. "I'VE BOUGHT AND PAID  
FOR YOU... YOU BELONG TO ME!")  
  
"Okay Dad, I admit the food's good, but there's not a whole lot else to do... They don't sell video games or graphic novels. They..."  
  
The voice was so close now. Ryan fought to keep his composure.  
  
It's not real... it's not real... it's not real. He closed his eyes.  
  
"Laugh if you want." Sandy said to Seth. "But it's where your mom and I got you... I own you.... I bought and paid for you... You belong to me..."  
  
Ryan's head snapped up. The voice was real. It was here. He sent his plate flying as he bolted from the table. Kirsten was instantly on her feet.  
  
"Ryan!"  
  
"NO!!" He screamed as he tried to get away. "I WON'T LET YOU! GET YOUR MONEY BACK!"  
  
Ryan only managed a few steps before he fell. He twisted out of Sandy's grasp and crawled away. He had to get away from the hands that only wanted to hurt him...to cause him pain. He tried to stand again, but fell hard on the ceramic tile floor. Sandy tried to hold on to Ryan. The boy's hysteria was mounting. Ryan's foot shot out, catching Sandy in the stomach. As Sandy doubled over, Ryan scrambled to his feet. This time Seth stood in front of him.  
  
"Ryan... It's okay...No one's going to hurt you..."  
  
Ryan propelled himself into Seth, knocking them both to the ground. He pushed himself off Seth. He saw his escape. He managed to crawl to the front door.  
  
Kirsten ran to get to the door before Ryan. She stood in front of it. Ryan looked at her from the floor. He sat up.  
  
"WHY D-D-DID YOU D-D-DO TH-THIS TO M-M-ME?" He screamed.  
  
"Ryan... It's me... Kirsten... I won't hurt you... I won't let anyone hurt you...It's alright now..."  
  
She crouched down to his eye level. Sandy and Seth ran to the front hall and skidded to a stop. Kirsten reached out to touch Ryan's face. His eyes were blank. He started rocking back and forth, staring at nothing.  
  
* *  
  
Ryan finally crawled to the darkest corner he could find. He had never gone this far down the path before. It was so quiet. There were no harsh voices. No brutal hands grabbing him. No pain to be felt. There was a peace he never had before. He let the dark envelop him. He felt safe. Nothing could hurt him in here. No one would ever find him. The light was gone. Now he could sleep. 


	24. chapter twenty four

I fired my imaginary beta yesterday for allowing an "egregious error" (tm Julie Andrews). In the last chapter I alluded to how Kirsten thought Ryan looked sweet with his hair tousled. Well, I got rid of the poor boy's hair in chapter 9. Sloppy work like that will not be tolerated. I'm going to "Petsmart" and getting a real beta. It might work better.  
  
Legalities have been mentioned ad nauseum.  
  
Tuesday, January 20. 8:05 pm  
  
Sandy fell back onto the bed. He had never been so exhausted in all his life. Kirsten was asleep on the couch in the living room. Seth was in one of the bedrooms of the huge home Caleb called a beach house. He tried to keep his brain from replaying the events of the last 24 hours. The frantic phone call to Dr. Rodriguez... The desperate attempts to get a response from Ryan as he sat on the floor of their front hallway, knees to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, rocking back and forth, his eyes empty... The look on Kirsten's face as they all realized Ryan had fled from reality, locking himself away from the world.  
  
Sandy had picked the boy up, startled at how rigid he was. He brought Ryan to the family room couch and laid him on his side, trying to coax his frozen arms from around his knees. Seth had retrieved the throw blanket from Ryan's room. Kirsten took the blanket from him and wrapped it around Ryan, speaking quietly...telling him he was safe. They would protect him.  
  
It was now Sandy's turn to sleep.  
  
Wednesday, January 21.  
  
Seth was the first one up that morning. He padded into the kitchen and tried to familiarize himself with it. He looked for the coffee maker, opening up all the cupboards until he found it, built into the wall. It was one of those ridonculously expensive German-made models. All he needed to do was press a button and a precisely measured amount of coffee beans were ground and deposited into the gold plated filter. A few seconds later, hot water dripped through the ground beans into a stainless steel carafe.  
  
Seth figured out what was wrong with the whole process. There was no coffee smell. The entire procedure was very sterile. Focusing on the product of German design and manufacturing kept his mind off Ryan. The distraction wasn't very long though. His parents had a meeting with Dr. Rodriguez that morning. They all had spent the previous day at the clinic. It was nothing like Seth thought it would be. It looked like a house. Shit, it could have been built by his grandfather. It blended in with all the other Mcmansions in the area. It wasn't as scary as he thought it would be. Everybody looked pretty normal. No one was wearing a strait jacket, but Seth wasn't sure what was normal anymore. Ryan looked 'normal', but Seth wasn't sure if he could ever be 'normal'. A beeping noise startled him. It came from the coffee maker. Seth poured himself a cup and went outside to watch the "stink potters" exit the marina.  
  
* *  
  
Kirsten and Sandy now sat in the office with Dr. Rodriguez. The doctor looked at the Cohens. They were exhausted. She wished she could have been more encouraging. They had gone to see Ryan before the meeting. Kirsten fought back tears as she watched Ryan propped up in the bed, his knees still bent, still rocking back and forth, his hands clenching and unclenching the blanket from home. The only sound in the room was the whirring and clicking of the pump that slowly and deliberately pushed a thick beige liquid through a naso-gastric tube inserted into Ryan's nose and threaded down into his stomach. He sat in the bed, unblinking, unaware of his surroundings. His rhythmic movements didn't stop as Kirsten reached out to touch his cheek. The only colour in Ryan's face was from the new bruises he acquired when he fell to the floor during his desperate escape from the table Monday night. Even his normally blue eyes were faded to a pale grey.  
  
Sandy heard his name and looked up. Dr. Rodriguez was speaking.  
  
"I hope you were able to get some sleep last night...?" She said, looking at the two of them.  
  
"A little..." Sandy said ruefully. "It was too quiet though..."  
  
Kirsten squeezed her husband's hand. She hadn't slept well either, but she stayed on the couch hoping at least Sandy would have gotten some sleep.  
  
"This is rough on all of you." Dr. Rodriguez said sympathetically. "I need to discuss Ryan's treatment with you..." She paused and took a deep breath.  
  
"Ryan is in an extrinsic catatonic state. What that means is there's an identifiable cause for his condition. The underlying reason for his catatonia is emotional trauma. There is no physiological explanation for it. The tests we ran yesterday confirmed it."  
  
"So what do we do?" Kirsten asked. "Do we just wait for Ryan to 'snap out' of it?"  
  
The doctor shook her head.  
  
"Ryan doesn't have that kind of time. Because of the nature of the trauma, he's internalized himself, shutting everything out. The longer we wait to bring him back, the more likely it will be that he won't come back."  
  
Sandy swallowed hard.  
  
"What kind of treatment are you suggesting...?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez hesitated for a second.  
  
"We've had some success treating extrinsic catatonia with Benzodiazipines, such as Clonazepam or Lorazepam, but they're not without the possibilities of serious side effects.  
  
Kirsten held tightly to Sandy's hand. The only way she could get herself through this was to treat this as a business negotiation. To ask questions and expect answers back. Sandy was also slipping into lawyer mode. Dr. Rodriguez recognized the coping methods. She knew she was right about this family. They could deal with this... With Ryan.  
  
"What kind of side effects?" Kirsten asked, her voice strong and clear.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez pulled out some papers.  
  
"These will help explain them..." She pushed the papers across the desk towards the Cohens. She cleared her throat.  
  
"Benzodiazipines aren't usually used in treatment for someone as young as Ryan, but I don't think we have much of an option..."  
  
The Cohens were staring at her intently.  
  
"We will be prescribing Lorazepam. He'll get 3 injections daily, in either his stomach or backside. There will be some pain associated with the injections. There's also the possibility of respiratory depression or a partial airway obstruction and because his liver had been injured in the accident, we'll be using the lowest dose we can since the drug's effectiveness may be prolonged..."  
  
Kirsten paled at the statement, but said nothing, absorbing the information. Sandy continued with the questioning.  
  
"Anything else...?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez nodded.  
  
"Excessive sleepiness, confusion, delirium, hallucinations, dizziness, hyper or hypo tension... It could even drive him further into a depressive state..." She hesitated again before continuing. "Suicidal tendencies may be present... We'll take protective measures..."  
  
Sandy shook his head, shocked.  
  
"Is this the only way...? The treatment sounds dangerous..."  
  
"There are some risks with the treatment, yes, but I also feel it's the best shot we have at bringing Ryan back. I assure you that every possible precaution will be taken... I will give you both some time to discuss this... Do you have any other questions...?"  
  
"If we agree to this, can you give us a timetable as to when we could expect an improvement in Ryan's condition, since you said that we don't have a large window of time...?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Benzodiazipines tend to work quickly. Lorazepam in particular, isn't prescribed for more than a week at a time. It wont be a cure, but it should bring Ryan back enough so his emotional trauma can be dealt with. Barring complications, we could see an improvement within 24-36 hours... I'll leave you alone now. You can page me when you've come to your decision..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez left the office, closing the door behind her.  
  
It only took a minute for Kirsten to break the silence.  
  
"We should do it... Let's start the medication..."  
  
Sandy looked carefully at his wife.  
  
"Are you sure...? It sounds risky..."  
  
"Waiting would be riskier Sandy... You heard Dr. Rodriguez... She said Ryan probably wasn't going to just come out of it on his own. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do..."  
  
"We should talk to Seth..." Sandy said quietly.  
  
"We'll tell Seth what we decided Sandy. We're the adults... It's killing me inside that he has to know as much as he does about Ryan, but it would be wrong to keep this from him. Ryan and Seth are brothers... they're our sons..."  
  
Sandy held Kirsten tightly. He prayed they'd made the right decision.  
  
* *  
  
Caleb unlocked the door to the beach house. He brought the first load of suitcases in and returned to his Jaguar for the second. Rosa had packed the bags for the Cohens. As soon as she had let herself into the Cohen's house on Tuesday, she knew something was terribly wrong. Dinner from the previous night was still on the table and on the floor. Plates had been overturned and broken. She called the family, but after getting no answers from their cell phones, she called Caleb. He explained the situation, stressing the need for discretion. Rosa took care of everything. She cleaned up the mess and packed 4 suitcases for the family, tucking in a personal note of best wishes in Kirsten's bag.  
  
Caleb put the last 2 suitcases by the stairs and went to the back of the beach house. Looking through the kitchen window, he saw a pair of long legs draped over the deck railing. Further investigation revealed the long legs belonged to Seth, who was slouched in a chair, watching the boats.  
  
"I could spend hours out here..."  
  
Seth looked up and saw his grandfather standing behind him.  
  
"Hey Grandpa..."  
  
Caleb slid into the deck chair next to Seth.  
  
"How are you holding up?"  
  
Seth shrugged.  
  
"Okay, I guess... I just... I don't know... How could that psycho bitch do that to Ryan...? Her own kid...?"  
  
Caleb had no answer.  
  
"I don't know Seth..."  
  
They sat there quietly, watching boats launch and boats dock.  
  
"Mom and Dad are at the clinic. They had a meeting with Dr. Rodriguez..."  
  
"Oh... Okay..."  
  
Seth eyed his grandfather.  
  
"Aren't you going to ask about Ryan?"  
  
Caleb shrugged.  
  
"I know Ryan's in very good hands... Right now, I'm concerned about you."  
  
Seth slouched further down the deck chair.  
  
"I'm okay, I guess...I'll be better when Ryan gets well and comes home... It was scary watching him flip out like that... and then... nothing... He was gone... I feel like... like someone's playing this nasty joke on me..."  
  
He turned to his grandfather.  
  
"I always wanted a brother. I finally get one and I almost lose him on New Year's. He was just starting to get better and now this happens."  
  
Seth sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his grandfather's hand on his shoulder.  
  
* *  
  
The Cohen's met again with Dr. Rodriguez to inform her of their decision.  
  
"Okay..." Dr. Rodriguez gave them a reassuring smile. "We'll do some blood work and get started..."  
  
Sandy and Kirsten sat with Ryan as a nurse took vial after vial of blood. Ryan hadn't flinched or reacted when the nurse tied the rubber tubing around his arm and found a vein. He just kept rocking. The feeding pump had been disconnected and the end of the naso-gastric tube had been capped and taped under his nose. After the nurse finished drawing blood, she quickly put a band-aide on the site and squeezed Ryan's hand. She smiled at the Cohens and quickly left the room.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy spent the next hour trying to get any type of response from Ryan, although they both knew he couldn't. The whispered "I don't deserve a family." repeated constantly in Sandy's brain.  
  
He wished he could make Ryan believe how much he did.  
  
* *  
  
Sandy and Kirsten went back to the beach house to pick Seth up for lunch. Lunch ended up being a foursome at a restaurant by the docks. They told Seth and Caleb about their choice regarding Ryan's treatment. For Seth's sake, they played down the possible serious side effects. Seth knew his parents weren't telling him everything. He'd gone on the internet and looked up information on catatonia and how it was treated. He decided not to let his parents know he knew as much as he did. It made him feel better though, that they made the decision to use medicine to help Ryan recover. That's what he'd hoped they would do.  
  
After lunch, Caleb and Seth returned to the beach house. Now Sandy and Kirsten were back in Ryan's room at the clinic watching the preparations being made for his first shot of Lorazepam.  
  
The head of the bed was lowered. The rocking motions continued. Gentle hands held Ryan's shoulders and legs. Kirsten spoke softly to him... telling him Seth was waiting for him. They all were. The clinic doctor lifted Ryan's t-shirt and swabbed an area on his abdomen. The injection was over quickly. An angry red welt appeared almost immediately. Sandy and Kirsten held their breath, waiting to see if Ryan's breathing was compromised. One minute turned into two, to five, to ten. There was no change, just a steady in and out. The top half of the bed was raised again. The rocking motion returned. The feeding pump was brought back to Ryan's bedside, a long tube was coupled to the one in his nose. It was time for lunch. 


	25. chapter twenty five

So, I went to Petsmart and got a better beta betta. I wanted to name him "Wallace" (tm crimsonclad, "Refract") but I've decided to name him "ghoti". This makes absolutely no sense, but do you guys really read this part anyway?  
  
Yeah, yeah, same story, same legal stuff.  
  
Chapter Twenty-five.  
  
Ryan yawned and stretched. He blinked a few times as he took in his surroundings. It was so quiet. He shrugged of the thick blankets that kept him warm. He noticed a large window and pushed himself from the bed. He steps were slow and unsteady. His brain was foggy. Pulling back the heavy curtains, he looked out the window and into the dark skies. The stars had stopped sparkling and the night sky was painted in the blue black shade of beckoning slumber. He let go of the curtains and shuffled back to bed. He was still tired. He curled under the blankets and let sleep carry him away. The sun would be out tomorrow.  
  
* *  
  
That evening, Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Caleb sat in the living room of the beach house playing cards. Sandy was losing badly. He was a lawyer... How could he be losing a game of "Bullshit"? He remembered the night Kirsten dragged him to see the movie "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." He had protested all the way to the Cineplex. Two good things came out of that night. First, he spent a great deal of time picturing Kirsten in the pale yellow dress that what's her name was wearing, and second, it brought back memories of the card game he'd played with his buddies at Berkeley. They'd play for quarters and Sandy played well enough to keep him in Kraft Dinner, Mr. Noodles and visits to the Laundromat during his last year of law school.  
  
He stared at his growing pile of cards. Kirsten and Caleb were going head to head during this round. They were a lot alike, Sandy mused to himself. Hardworking, driven, and when they loved, they loved with an intense passion. Caleb loved his wife, and when she passed away, he never allowed himself to love another woman. When Kirsten and Sandy fell in love, he never doubted that Kirsten could or would be swayed by Caleb's threats. Sandy felt badly he caused the rift between them that lasted several years, but part of the rift was caused by the stubbornness that father and daughter shared.  
  
When Caleb had called Kirsten to tell her how sick her mom really was, Sandy and Kirsten made the decision together to move back to Newport Beach. They were ensconced in a huge house within a week. Caleb and Kirsten picked up their relationship as if nothing had ever been wrong. She started working for Caleb. Caleb tried to be civil... sometimes. Sandy could see that Caleb was trying... sort of. Maybe it was because of 6 year old Seth, or maybe it was because Caleb was facing the reality of losing his wife that finally allowed him to see that Kirsten was very much her own person and would put her family, Sandy and Seth, over anything else.  
  
Sandy looked at his cards again and back at Kirsten. The look on her face now as she was staring down her father was similar to the one she wore when she insisted to Caleb that Ryan was now a member of their family and Caleb could either deal with it or not let the door hit him on his ass on the way out. Kirsten played for keeps... in all aspects of life...  
  
"Bullshit..." Sandy intoned.  
  
Caleb turned to Sandy.  
  
"What did you just say to me?"  
  
He narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I do believe I said "bovine fecal matter," Cal... Show me the cards."  
  
Caleb scowled as he dropped his cards and reached for the large pile in front of him. Sandy turned to Kirsten... Next victim...  
  
Thursday, January 22  
  
Caleb and Seth made plans to go sailing that morning. Now as the two of them were at the kitchen table looking over nautical maps, Sandy and Kirsten came into the room, ready to face the day. Sandy poured two cups of coffee from "Brunhilde" as Seth had dubbed the coffee maker.  
  
"Where are you guys going this morning?" Sandy asked Caleb.  
  
Caleb took a sip of his coffee.  
  
"Seth and I are taking the catamaran out. We won't go too far and it'll just be until the middle of the afternoon..."  
  
Seth looked at his grandfather.  
  
"We're gonna have to teach Ryan how to sail, Grandpa."  
  
Caleb looked at his grandson.  
  
"Well, from what you've told me about his fear of heights, it won't be on the cat. He'll probably lose his lunch the first time his side tips up. We'll take him out on the Manta... It's a smoother ride."  
  
"I don't think a 40 foot boat is going to be big enough for the three of them." Sandy whispered to Kirsten as they left for the clinic.  
  
* *  
  
They met with Dr. Rodriguez in Ryan's room. Kirsten tried not to show her disappointment when she saw Ryan still propped up in the bed, his knees still up, still rocking back and forth. They watched as a nurse disconnected the feeding pump and replaced the cap on the tube under his nose.  
  
Sandy was watching Ryan's hands. They were still constantly clutching and releasing the blanket.  
  
"Why is he doing that?" He asked the doctor.  
  
"Repetitive movements of the hands is common in catatonic patients... but here's something interesting..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez gently took the blanket from Ryan. His hands stopped moving. She handed the blanket to Sandy and placed another blanket in Ryan's hands. His hands twitched and were still.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy looked confused.  
  
"What does this have to do with anything?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"Maybe nothing..." Dr. Rodriguez replied as she removed the clinic's blanket. She retrieved the blanket from Sandy and put it back in Ryan's hands. They watched as his thumbs felt the material. His hands started to clench and unclench the blanket once again.  
  
"It's the blanket you wrapped him up in when he collapsed. I've never seen a patient deliberately stop and start the movements like that before..."  
  
Sandy turned and saw the clinic physician enter the room with two nurses. It was then he noticed the crash cart and portable ventilator in the corner. He drew a deep breath and reminded himself it was only precautionary.  
  
It was the same procedure as yesterday. The bed lowering, the hands that restrained, the quick injection, another welt, no response. Kirsten kept reminding herself that it had barely been 24 hours since the first injection of Lorazepam. She hated the waiting game. She hated the intense fear she felt watching Ryan breathe after the injection, terrified each breath could be his last. Finally the ten minute mark passed. Another prayer of thanks.  
  
* *  
  
A small flash of light made Ryan open his eyes. The flash was only momentary. He rubbed his eyes and waited for them to focus. The flash reappeared. It was quick, like when he would chase the fire flies in the yard of the house in Fresno. Trey had poked holes in the lid of an old "Cheez Whiz" jar so Ryan could catch one. It had to be time to get up now. He went to the window again. This time the black sky was framed in gold. It was the strangest sunrise he'd ever seen. He ran his hand through his hair. He didn't need a mirror to tell him it was standing up at strange angles. He'd grab a shower later. He settled back into bed... just for a little while longer.  
  
* *  
  
Kirsten glanced down at her watch again. All her wealth couldn't make the time move faster. It was just after 12 and there was still no change in Ryan's condition. The nursing staff had been in to put a thick saline type gel into his eyes to keep them from drying out while they stayed open. He hadn't even blinked in 3 days. She had watched as another nurse emptied the catheter bag that was hidden from view by one of the blankets on the bed.  
  
Sandy had taken a walk. He needed to get out of the building. To him, every minute Ryan remained catatonic meant that the boy was slipping further away from them. He had spoken to Trey that morning. He had been upset and angry when Sandy told him of Ryan's condition. Swearing profusely, he hung up, leaving Sandy staring at his quiet cell phone. By the time Sandy got back to Ryan's room, it was time for the feeding pump to be connected again. The thought of the whole process made his stomach queasy. A tube going in and a tube going out. Is this what Ryan's life had been reduced to? Nutrients in, waste out. Rocking back and forth, eyes open, seeing nothing, trapped by his past...  
  
* *  
  
This time when Ryan woke up, the darkness was tempered by a gold haze. It had to be morning. It felt like he had slept forever. It was cold though. He grabbed one of the blankets from the bed and wrapped himself with it. Ryan knew the blanket was familiar, but he wasn't sure where he knew it from. He went to the window and opened the curtains wide. The room was illuminated. The gold haze had now turned into a soft light. It was time.  
  
* *  
  
Sandy and Kirsten left the clinic knowing they had at least an hour before Ryan's next shot of Lorazepam. Kirsten fought the nagging voice of doubt in her head. "The medicine will work" she told herself. It had to work. Now as they sat in a small café, food untouched, there was only silence between them. They were both at the end of their emotional and physical rope. The strain was obvious. Sandy was thinking of how to beak the news to Seth that the treatment wasn't working. Because Ryan's liver was still healing, there was no chance of increasing the dosage of the drug without the possibility of permanently damaging it. The information Dr. Rodriguez had given them on catatonia mentioned electro-convulsive therapy. Sandy couldn't even bring himself to read it. He didn't want to entertain that option. He couldn't.  
  
Kirsten and Sandy drove back to the clinic. They'd barely said 2 words to each other. Words weren't necessary. They knew how each other was feeling and now wasn't the time for words.  
  
Kirsten closed her eyes just as the needle went into Ryan's abdomen. Sandy looked at the floor. He started counting again, just as he did every other time Ryan got the injection. The magic number was 600.  
  
* *  
  
Ryan looked back at the bed and watched it fade into nothingness. He wasn't scared, he knew he had to move forward. He could hear faint words in the distance. He stopped to listen.  
  
Sandy sat quietly in a chair next to Ryan's bed reading the sports page for the 7th time that day. Kirsten sat beside him, reading aloud from a book Rosa had packed from Ryan's room.  
  
"Hey," she said. "Now I finally get to see your place."  
  
"It's small," said Jake.  
  
"Is it too small?"  
  
"I'm all right," he said. He rested his left hand on the top knob of the gear shift. After a minute she laid hers on top of his.  
  
"Nobody knows," she said.  
  
"Nobody knows what?"  
  
"Nobody knows the trouble we've seen."  
  
"It's nice we can share that," said Jake.  
  
Ryan walked towards the voice... to the words that sounded familiar. It was time to go home.  
  
* * * *  
  
The passage quoted is from Michael Chabon's story, "That Was Me" from the book "Werewolves in Their Youth" 


	26. chapter twenty six

My better beta betta is kind of slow. I get absolutely no feed back from him. In fact, I have to feed him. Good help is so hard to find. Just taking Josh's creations out for a quick spin around my synaptic playground. I'll give them back unscathed.  
  
Chapter 26  
  
Sandy remained in the car as it sat in the driveway of Caleb's beach house. He felt guilty over leaving Kirsten and Ryan. He couldn't be there any longer. It felt like the walls were closing in around him.  
  
The Lorazepam didn't seem to be working. They had gambled on the injections and Ryan lost. Sandy fought to ignore the voice in his head that told him everything would be okay. He was tired of that voice. Things weren't okay and Sandy felt that they wouldn't ever be okay again.  
  
Seth's head snapped up from the book he was reading when he heard the front door open. He closed the novel and stood up to meet his dad. Seth could tell by the look on his father's face that there was no change in Ryan's condition. Sandy sank into the couch. Seth sat beside him, resting his head on his dad's shoulder.  
  
"He's just being stubborn, Dad..."  
  
Sandy gave Seth a wry smile and put his arm around his son.  
  
"He picked up that trait from your mother..."  
  
* * *  
  
Kirsten gave up reading. She leaned over and gently ran her fingers down the side of Ryan's cheek. There was no response from the vacant, unblinking eyes. Sandy had left shortly after the last injection. He looked so defeated. Kirsten knew Sandy blamed himself for Ryan's breakdown. He blamed himself for not insisting Ryan move into the main house after they took legal guardianship of him. She knew Sandy felt that if Ryan had been in one of the bedrooms inside they might have found out about the nightmares and night terrors earlier and done something about them. She knew how Sandy felt because those were the same feelings she had. Kirsten knew it wasn't rational and she knew Ryan liked the pool house...his room...his space...  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders. Every few minutes there would be a strange feeling on his upper arm... like something was squeezing it. It would get tighter and tighter and then stop. Each time it started, he stopped walking and tried to see what it was, but there was nothing there. He tried to ignore it. What he couldn't ignore was the growing pain in his stomach. It felt like it was burning. He pulled up his shirt to take a look at it. Sure enough, there were red marks across his abdomen. They felt hot to the touch. Pushing aside his discomfort he moved forward. He didn't realize he had run so far down the path. Nothing looked familiar yet, but he followed the light.  
  
The voices stopped a little while ago, but the gold haze he followed seemed to glow a little brighter. He was so tired. He wondered if he could return to his bed and try to find his way home later. It would just be a short nap. Maybe his stomach would feel better. His nose was starting to itch and his throat felt weird, kind of like something was stuck in there. He tried to clear his throat but nothing came out, no sound, nothing. He tried to go back... back to bed, but the path had disappeared behind him. There was nothing... No sense of warmth, no feeling of safety... Just a forlorn emptiness. Everything was gone... He couldn't go back. The light just waited there. It hadn't moved forward.  
  
Ryan leaned against the cool wall and slid down. As soon as he brought his knees up, he started to rock, swaying back and forth. He closed his eyes. It would just be for a few minutes... He just needed to rest.  
  
The light stayed with him, standing guard.  
  
* * *  
  
The nursing staff came to check in on Ryan before shift change. Dr. Rodriguez had already been in and tried to convince Kirsten to go home for the evening.  
  
"I can't... Ryan's going to need someone here when he wakes up... I don't want him to be alone..."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan had no idea how long he slept. There was no concept of time in the labyrinth of his mind. The pain in his stomach increased, the nausea making its presence known. It churned in his gut, trying to escape. He was frantic now. There was no way back. His safe place was gone and he desperately wanted it back. The hell with the path... He'd find his way without it. He turned and tried to run. He got no further than a couple of steps before he fell. He tried again...He fell again... One more time... Falling...  
  
Ryan curled up into a ball. He was lost. It hurt to go forward and he couldn't go back. All he wanted to do now was sleep. If only he could. He wanted to sleep forever. A dreamless sleep from which he would never wake up. He squeezed his eyes shut. He heard the quiet voice again.  
  
"Ryan's going to need someone here when he wakes up... I don't want him to be  
alone..."  
  
He knew that voice. He had heard it before. It was soft and strong. That voice had made him feel safe before. He had to find it. Ryan struggled to his feet. The voice was gone now, but he knew it hadn't left for good. He knew it would come back. It had before. Maybe he could find it first. He ignored the pain that grew with every step. He wrapped his arms around his stomach as he forced himself to move forward. The blanket slid from his shoulders and landed on the ground. Ryan faltered, wanting to stop and retrieve it, but it faded and disappeared as well. He couldn't think about that... He needed to push forward. He was getting closer.  
  
* * *  
  
Another nurse came in to check on Kirsten and Ryan. She placed a blanket over Kirsten's sleeping form. She picked up the chenille throw that had been in Ryan's hands since the day he arrived. It had somehow fallen on the floor. She folded it and placed it over the other chair in the room. Checking the readout from the blood pressure monitor, she made a notation of the slight increase in Ryan's pressure. It was still low, and this was the first time there had been any sort of change. She went into the washroom and came out with a wash cloth she'd rinsed in warm water. She gently wiped down Ryan's face and neck, throwing the cloth into a laundry bin when she was finished.  
  
"There we go..." she whispered. "That has to feel better... It's time to come back now... We're all waiting for you..."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan stopped and looked at the mountain of rubble that stood before him. All that was left of his cement vault was a twisted steel frame and broken pieces of concrete. He bent down and picked up a jagged piece. As it crumbled further, it ran like sand through his fingers. It was eerily quiet. As he stared at the devastation in front of him, he remembered what he had locked away in there. The images came back. They competed with the pain, the nausea and the dizziness that threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn't rebuild his fortress. The memories were too strong... He couldn't run away from them anymore.  
  
The dust was thick. It had settled into a heavy layer on his face. He tried to brush it off, but only succeeded smearing it. The pounding and spinning in his head made it impossible to see. He lost the light...It left him alone to deal with his demons. They would wake up soon and add voices to the pictures in his brain. He stumbled over a piece of concrete and fell hard.  
  
"HELP ME!" He screamed. "WHERE ARE YOU?"  
"Please..." Ryan's voice became very weak. "I need you..."  
  
He felt the warm cloth wipe his cheeks, cleaning the concrete powder from his face and eyes.  
  
"There you go..." a voice whispered. "That has to feel better... It's time to come  
back now... We're all waiting for you..."  
  
Ryan looked up and saw the heavy curtain that separated the light from the dark. The light called to him, giving him the momentum to crash through the barrier...  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan blinked several times and looked around. It was dark and the only illumination to be had came from afar. Despite the lack of light, he was able to see Kirsten sleeping in a chair. He wasn't sure where he was, but judging from the raised metal rails on the side of the bed, he was probably in the hospital again. He lowered his legs. The tingling sensation that ran up and down them just added to the pain he was already feeling. He gingerly rolled onto his side. He couldn't fight the exhaustion. He felt his eyes slide shut. Ryan knew Kirsten would still be there when he woke up. She told him so. She said she didn't want him to be alone.  
  
Friday, January 23  
  
Seth woke up feeling somewhat disoriented. He was still on the couch. His dad was crammed into the corner of it, looking like he invented a new yoga move. It was nothing a week or two with the chiropractor wouldn't fix.  
  
Rummaging in the kitchen he found something that might pass for breakfast. He opened the pantry and pulled out a bag of pre-sliced bagels. Well, calling them bagels was being generous. Yes, they were round, yes, they had a hole in the middle, but so did doughnuts. He looked at the bag. These things needed a little work.  
  
The smell of fresh coffee and the sensation of warmth under his nose caused Sandy to open his eyes. He was greeted by the sight of Seth holding a large mug of coffee right in front of his face. He struggled to straighten up. His back protested at the change in position. He couldn't hide his grimace from Seth.  
  
"What do you need Dad? Some Tylenol, muscle relaxants.....smoke some of "the weed" as Grandpa so fondly puts it...?"  
  
"Not funny Seth..." Sandy growled as he accepted the coffee mug from his son by birth.  
  
"I'll grab a couple of Robaxacet in a few minutes. I don't think I can move around just yet..."  
  
"Sorry Dad..." Seth tried to look contrite, but it would have helped if he didn't have to fight so hard to keep from laughing.  
  
"It's not funny Seth..." Sandy snapped.  
  
"You're right Dad... The "Green Acres" marathon you made me watch last night was funny..."  
  
"I didn't see you changing the channel..."  
  
"I would have actually had to get up to do it... You hid the remote..."  
  
"I did not..." Sandy snarked. "You..."  
  
Sandy shifted slightly. As he did, the pain in his hip subsided. He reached down and pulled the tv remote from underneath him, holding it up as they both started to laugh. It felt so good to laugh.  
  
Sandy had managed to get off the couch and grab a couple of muscle relaxants. He swallowed them with his coffee and ate the egg and cheese breakfast sandwich Seth had made.  
  
Sandy looked at his son.  
  
"You want to come with me to see Ryan this morning?"  
  
Seth hesitated for a second. He held his coffee mug tightly.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
* * *  
  
It was nearly 8am when Sandy and Seth arrived at the clinic. There were no set visiting hours. Family was allowed access 24 hours a day. The clinic was still fairly quiet. The only noise came from support staff setting the table in the dining room and polishing the main entrance with a buffer. They walked down the impeccably clean hallway to Ryan's room. Kirsten was still asleep, bundled into an oversized chair. Sandy kissed his wife on her forehead, smiling as she woke up. He was finally able to bring himself to look at Ryan's bed. Seth was already there, his eyes wide.  
  
Their son and brother by choice was curled on his right side, facing them...his eyes were closed, sleeping peacefully.  
  
Kirsten pushed the blankets off her and scrambled to Ryan's bedside.  
  
"Ryan... Ryan, sweetie... It's time to wake up..."  
  
Ryan slowly opened his eyes and waited for the fuzzy images to come into focus. The Cohens were rewarded with the smallest of smiles and a hoarse voice.  
  
"I....I knew y-you'd be h-h-here..." 


	27. chapter twenty seven

Same disclaimers as the last time. Thanks ctoan and smc36 for the encouragement. You guys rock!  
  
Chapter 27  
  
Dr. Rodriguez entered the room just as Ryan woke up. She stood back and observed the family. She knew Ryan wouldn't stay awake for too long. Her conference with the Cohens could wait until he fell asleep again.  
  
Seth stayed at Ryan's bedside while his parents met with the doctor. He was a little disappointed that Ryan drifted off to sleep so soon after waking. He was going nuts in the beach house, especially since his grandfather had gone back to Newport for business. He had done all his homework the first two days he was in San Diego. Now as he watched his brother sleep, he let his mind wander back to when his dad first brought Ryan home.  
  
Seth didn't know what to expect that morning. His dad told him he'd brought a client home who was just going to stay for the weekend. His mom told him to stay away from this kid, but then again, she had made herself scarce that morning. Ryan didn't look like a criminal. He actually looked pretty normal. Seth had noticed the small, round scars on Ryan's arms as he sat down beside him, but he didn't ask about them. He didn't ask about the bruises on his face either. Ryan, for his part, didn't say a whole lot. He gave one or two word answers when Seth asked him questions, but he listened with interest as Seth spoke. Seth never had that before. Someone his own age who was actually listening to him. It was like a lifetime of conversation came pouring out of him and this kid, this criminal seemed to really like him. Even after Seth drunkenly outed Ryan as a car thief from the 909 at Holly's party, Ryan didn't leave him to fend for himself. He'd gotten his ass kicked trying to protect Seth that night...  
  
Seth closed his eyes and quietly begged Jesus and Moses to make Ryan better.  
  
* * *  
  
Kirsten's face fell as Dr. Rodriguez finished speaking.  
  
"I don't think we should leave Ryan just yet...He finally came back to us and when he wakes up again and we're not here, he's going to be upset... Ryan doesn't even know where he is..."  
  
Kirsten held onto Sandy's fingers so tightly he lost all feeling in them. Dr. Rodriguez shook her head and looked intensely at the Cohens.  
  
"I understand how you both feel, but right now your feelings are secondary to Ryan's well being. Yes, he's come out of his catatonia and I agree he will be upset when you're not here, but we still only have a small window of opportunity left with the Lorazepam..."  
  
"I thought since he's awake, Ryan would be done with the injections..." Sandy cut in.  
  
The doctor frowned at the interruption before she continued.  
  
"Ryan's going to be starting some intensive therapy this afternoon. The meds should make it easier for him to talk to me."  
  
She stopped, waiting for the question she knew was coming.  
  
"Isn't the whole purpose of therapy to help him deal with his issues, to confront them and to cope with them, or are we just supposed to keep him drugged up so he doesn't remember any of it..." Sandy's voice rose. "What about the next time this happens...Are you just going to strap him down and fry his synaptic terminals...maybe a few neural pathways as well...?"  
  
"Are you finished?"  
  
Dr. Rodriguez' voice was low and calm, but there was no mistaking the authority behind it. She deliberately kept her voice down so the Cohens would have to would have to quiet themselves to hear her words.  
  
Sandy shifted slightly in his chair. Kirsten released some of the pressure on her husband's fingers, but she still didn't let go of his hand.  
  
"I've told you before... The lorazepam is not a cure. It's not a magic bullet that will make your son's problems disappear. It's an anti-anxiety agent that has a role in Ryan's recovery. I trust you had no objection to the heavy doses of pain killers he was given after the accident?" She asked rhetorically. "They were a part of his recovery process just as the medication we're using now is. We are not dealing with a few small issues... We're dealing with a life time of trauma and if it takes a few days of medication to help him start his recovery, why is that different from using drugs for his physical pain...?"  
  
She sat back and watched the Cohens as they slipped into their now familiar coping methods.  
  
"We will stay with Ryan this morning... We want to be the ones who tell him where he is and why he's here. We "have" to be the ones to tell him..."  
  
Kirsten's voice was determined. They hadn't come this far with Ryan to back down now. Sandy sat quietly, analytically processing what Dr. Rodriguez said. He knew she was right, but it was a lot harder to deal with when it was family that was at stake...His family...His son and now more than ever, they needed to make sure Ryan believed it.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan's sleep wasn't a dreamless one. His nightmares played "Imax" size in his head, but this time he was detached from them. It would be clichéd to say they played out like some Fellini film. Maybe it was more like the Cohen brothers. He smirked in his dream... Cohen brothers... that was rich... Maybe with the right editing it could be the Farelly brothers directing the dreams... Atom Egoyan could come on board... Even better, David Lynch would turn his life into some tv series no one really understood but talked about constantly looking for subtle nuances that weren't there...or were they?  
  
Incessant voices were now trying to invade his thoughts. He tried to block them out and focus on the images in his head. He watched as one of Dawn's "he's really good to me Ry...I can tell he likes you too" boyfriends slammed his head into the kitchen table for not picking up the empty beer bottles that were strewn around the house. "Who the fuck needed science anyway?" he thought as he tried to wipe the blood off his homework. The familiar voices were getting louder, gentle voices interspersing with the huge screen dolby THX version of "This is your life, Ryan Atwood" playing in his brain.  
  
"Some family I got, huh... I should have let you rot in jail... just like your father...like your brother's gonna..."  
  
"Ryan, sweetie... Can you wake up for me?"  
  
"I can't do this anymore..."  
  
"Ryan... Open your eyes..."  
  
"I want you out of my house..."  
  
"We need to give you a needle sweetie... It'll be over in a second..."  
  
"Mom...Where am I supposed to go...?"  
  
* * *  
  
Ryan's eyes flew open...SHIT...His stomach was burning. Fuck, that hurt. His eyes focused on the person directly above his face... Kirsten.  
  
She placed a hand on his cheek.  
  
"It's okay, Ryan... Slow deep breaths... That's it..."  
  
She smiled at him, trying her best to reassure him. Ryan became aware of others in the room. Seth was there, his hands jammed into his pockets. Sandy was close by as well, worry etched on his face. Confused, Ryan looked around the room. He didn't recognize the doctor who smiled at him or the male nurse that hovered in the background. His eyes locked onto Dr. Rodriguez. Why was "she" here...? Where "was" here...? Why was "he" here...? Ryan's breathing became erratic as his eyes darted to Sandy and Kirsten and then back to Sandy.  
  
"Calm down Ryan... It's alright... Please calm down..."  
  
Ryan looked back at Kirsten and saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears that threatened to spill over. He closed his eyes as he fought to regulate his breathing. His still sore ribs protested the abuse they felt as Ryan took in deep, deliberate breaths. The burning sensation in his stomach reminded him that what was happening was real. He could hear both Kirsten and Sandy speaking, trying to get through to him that he was okay... He was safe.  
  
Ryan knew he wasn't okay... He wasn't sure if he was safe..."  
  
Seth watched as his parents tried not to panic. He knew they were anxious because that's how he was feeling. He took another step backwards and bumped into the crash cart in the corner of the room. He stared at it for half a second. He'd never seen one this close up before. He'd watched enough episodes of ER to have a good idea of how it worked. That was so not going to happen to Ryan. Subconsciously he took in slow, deep breaths as if he could will Ryan to do the same.  
  
Ryan felt his upper arm being squeezed again. He opened his eyes as the pressure intensified. A blood pressure cuff was wrapped around his arm and a thin cord spiraled back to the wall. Once the pressure released, someone wearing blue scrubs took his pulse. He didn't listen as the doctor conferred with the Cohens. Seth moved back towards Ryan, relieved that his best friend was somewhat calmer.  
  
"Why..." Ryan's voice was no more than a harsh whisper. His stomach burned. Something was in his throat. He tried to keep from gagging. He wanted to sit up. Sandy saw that Ryan was trying to push himself up so he quickly reached for the controls on the side rail and raised the top half of the bed up.  
  
The Cohens were now alone in the room with Ryan. Dr. Rodriguez and the other staff had quietly left, giving the family privacy to explain the situation to their son.  
  
Seth broke the silence.  
  
"Well, that was a crappy way to wake up... You'd think a place like this would have a much subtler wake up service..."  
  
Ryan quickly glanced at Sandy and Kirsten and then to Seth. He brought his hand up and felt the end cap of the naso-gastric tube. Seth didn't wait for Ryan's next question.  
  
"Dude... You freaked out 4 days ago..."  
  
"SETH!" Kirsten and Sandy snapped in unison.  
  
Seth just shook his head.  
  
"No... Ryan's gotta know now..."  
  
He turned to his brother.  
  
"You checked out on us Monday night... Today's Friday... You're in a private clinic in San Diego. Dr. Rodriguez has been giving you drugs to try and bring you back to reality. I don't know all of what's going on in your head, but you gotta let us help you deal with it. You don't have to try and hide it from us anymore... We know most of what happened. People have been fucking you up your whole life..."  
  
Seth's voice grew quiet. His parents had taken a step back to let him fill Ryan's field of vision.  
  
"I was so scared we lost you... Mom and Dad too. Hell man, even Grandpa came down 'cause he's worried. We didn't put you in a psych hospital and leave... We put you in one and stayed. We want to help you get better... World domination, dude... Remember... Your looks, my brains... Okay, well, your looks, your brains, my gift of accelerated speech... Together we're unstoppable...divided..."  
  
"I'm a b-b-basket c-case..." Ryan rasped.  
  
Seth grinned.  
  
"I was going to put it a little more delicately than that... Not..."  
  
Ryan shot Seth "the look"  
  
"Whether you like it or not... You're stuck with us... There's a "no return" policy. We Cohen's are a notoriously possessive lot. Add the Nichol's side of the family to it and you're gonna be lucky if you get to move out before you have a middle age crisis..."  
  
"Sh-sh-shut up Seth..."  
  
Seth looked up at his parents.  
  
"That means "Okay... I'll do what ever you want" in Ryan speak..."  
  
Ryan turned to the Cohens.  
  
"You're in f-f-for a w-w-wild ride..." He said quietly.  
  
Sandy smiled at him.  
  
"We'll hold on tight..." 


	28. chapter twenty eight

I'm chugging Buckley's and listening to the Gaithers while I'm typing this up. All you Southern Baptists out there say "Amen". All you Canadians can relate to the Buckley's mixture of crap. Tastes awful, but it works.  
  
I still own nothing. Ghoti handles all the legal stuff now.  
  
Chapter 28  
  
It was only after Ryan promised he'd eat his breakfast that the n.g. tube was removed. The discomfort of having that tube removed was offset by the unpleasantness of the catheter removal. With the help of a walker, he was able to take a shower before his meal came. Scrubbing the shampoo onto his head, Ryan noticed his hair was now close to 1 cm long. The scars felt strange under his fingers. He made good use of the grab bars in the shower stall. He had been warned about the dizziness from the meds he was on and right now the world was one big kaleidescope. . Ryan insisted on taking the shower without any assistance. It was the last shred of privacy he was going to have for a while. As much as he wanted to stay in the warm water, it was obvious to him that the Cohens would send out a search and rescue team if he didn't come out soon. After struggling with a clean t-shirt and sweats, he stuffed his feet into the white slip-on runners that had been packed for him. Footwear of inmates and the infirm everywhere.  
  
The familiar squeak of rubber on linoleum announced to the Cohens that Ryan was coming out of the washroom. Sandy held the door open as Ryan tentatively pushed the walker in front of him. They watched as he slowly maneuvered himself back to the bed. It took all the self control the family had in them to just sit back and let Ryan get himself back into bed. He looked at the covered breakfast tray on the bedside table. He cut Seth off just as his new brother was just about to speak.  
  
"D-d-don't say it..."  
  
Seth looked at Ryan, wide eyed and innocent.  
  
"What...?"  
  
Sandy and Kirsten watched in amazement as Ryan turned an even whiter shade of pale.  
  
"You kn-kn-know what..."  
  
Now Ryan was struggling to control his gag reflex. He did not want to spew on Kirsten.  
  
"Chill dude..." Seth said as he lifted the domed lid from the tray. "It's just scrambled eggs and juice."  
  
Ryan slowly exhaled. The Cohen parents looked at Seth, their faces confused.  
  
"The dogs had Pavlov, Ryan has..."  
  
Sandy immediately made the connection  
  
"Seth, if he hurls on your mother, I will not only go medieval on your ass, I'm gonna go all the way back to Leviticus and put the helpful hints listed there to good use..."  
  
Seth tried to look properly chastised but failed miserably when he noticed the smiles of the rest of his family. He realized then what an amazing family he had. Within the last six months, they'd gotten a new son who had come with no instruction manual whatsoever, unlike the plethora of infant and toddler books on the market, dealt with a major car accident that nearly killed both boys and now the new son is in a psychiatric facility and they're all sitting around joking about vomit. For the first time, Seth realized how strong his parents were and because of their strength nothing was insurmountable. He knew then that his parents would never abandon Ryan. Despite his firm words to Ryan earlier, that thought had always been an unspeakable fear in his mind and just as David had done with a pituitary overloaded Philistine, that fear had been vanquished. Maybe he should lay off the caffeine. His brain needed to rest.  
  
The Cohens struggled to keep their emotions in check as they said good-bye to Ryan. Unless they received a phone call from Dr. Rodriguez, they were banished from the clinic for the next 24 hours. They drove to a small restaurant to discuss how they would get through the following 23 hours, 37 minutes. They knew they couldn't sit around and watch the clock. After a quick perusal of the menu they ordered lunch.  
  
23 hours, 34 minutes, 16 seconds.  
  
Sandy decided he'd head back to Newport and check in with the firm and with Jimmy at the Lighthouse.  
  
23 hours, 31 minutes, 12 seconds.  
  
Kirsten nodded. After nearly 20 years of marriage, she knew Sandy's thought process. Time would move at an accelerated pace if he was occupied.  
  
23 hours, 28 minutes, 5 seconds.  
  
Sandy knew Kirsten would hole up in the office at the beach house. Only Caleb would have a home office in a vacation property.  
  
23 hours, 27 minutes, 58 seconds.  
  
They both knew Seth would lose himself in a video game alternate universe, slugging back copious quantities of Mountain Dew, slaying mutant ninja trolls until he was able to make a leap through a rip in the time/space continuum that would bring him to the next day.  
  
23 hours, 24 minutes, 45 seconds.  
  
* * * *  
  
As much as Ryan would have loved going back to sleep, he was happy to be out of his room. He was given his next dose of lorazepam in pill form. He had to keep the pill under his tongue for 2 minutes, not allowed to swallow until the time was up. He was sure the Cohens were counting silently with him. He had closed his eyes during the countdown, because he knew if he looked at Seth the whole process would somehow get screwed up and he'd end up with another injection. The Cohens stayed with him until he was finished his lunch. The medication made him tired, nauseous and dizzy. His head and stomach felt like he had been on a "tilt-a-whirl" for a 30 minute non-stop ride from hell.  
  
He sat in a bright lounge with Dr. Rodriguez, secluded from the rest of the clinic, waiting for the ride to start up again.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez waited for the kitchen porter to leave. He had set down a large glass of ginger-ale and a plate of saltines within easy reach of Ryan. Ryan mumbled his thanks and then looked away to the top of the coffee table, his eyes fixated on an irregular shaped knot in the wood. The doctor decided to toss Ryan an easy lob.  
  
"How are you feeling, Ryan?"  
  
"Fine..." He answered automatically, not lifting his eyes.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez nonchalantly covered the spot on the table Ryan had been staring at with a magazine.  
  
"No, not good enough... That's the only "F" word I won't allow in our conversations... Do I have to repeat the question?"  
  
Ryan had the same detached feeling he experienced when he was asleep, watching his nightmares. He raised his eyes and looked at the doctor.  
  
"I f-feel like cr-crap..." He said quietly. "I d-don't want t-t-to do this..."  
  
"You can't hide from your past anymore... You have to deal with it..."  
  
"I know th-that! Ryan said angrily. "Th-there's so much shit go-going on in m-m-my head..."  
  
He was silent for a moment.  
  
"S-s-sorry..."  
  
Ryan's voice decreased drastically in volume and his eyes looked back to the floor.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez shook her head.  
  
"I don't allow apologies during our sessions. You don't apologize for how you're feeling or for using profanity to describe them. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Ryan nodded.  
  
"Are you ready to do this now...?"  
  
"N-n-no..." Ryan still didn't look up. "But I h-have to do it f-f-for the Cohens, 'cause I-I'm not ready to do it f-f-for me..."  
  
"Do you believe the Cohens want you as their son and want you in their family?"  
  
Ryan looked up at the doctor and met her eyes.  
  
"I...I have to be-believe they care about m-me and they w-want me-me to be part of the...the family... If I didn't...th-then all of th-this will have been f- for nothing..."  
  
Ryan leaned back in the chair, wincing at the pain in his chest and abdomen. He settled back and tried to relax.  
  
The doctor studied Ryan carefully. She knew he was being honest with her. She'd accepted his answer of having therapy for the sake of the Cohens instead of his own. While that line of reasoning was generally frowned upon as a motive for therapeutic help, Dr. Rodriguez took the comment as a testament to Ryan's feelings of unworthiness and self doubt. As much as he wanted to be a part of the Cohen family, he still felt he didn't deserve to be.  
  
She finally got Ryan to open up to her. The lorazepam made it easier for him to talk. He spoke of events in his childhood in a flat, unemotional voice. His eyes held no emotion as he recited the laundry list of abuse and neglect. They talked for nearly two hours. Dr. Rodriguez deftly probed Ryan's memories, opening old wounds, allowing the festering anger and pain drain away. He hadn't really mentioned his mother's boyfriends yet... she could see he was tired. They still had not explored the issue of sexual abuse and Dawn's role in it.  
  
"I think we should take a break for a while... I'll walk you back to your room..."  
  
It didn't take long to get Ryan settled back in bed. He was asleep within minutes. Dr. Rodriguez adjusted the blankets around the boy and left the room, returning to the lounge to retrieve the tape recorder that had preserved the last 118 minutes. She made herself a large mug of herbal tea and went to her office, closing the door behind her. Sitting down, she opened her notebook and reached for the play back button on the recorder.  
  
* * * *  
  
Sandy pulled into the parking lot of the Lighthouse and watched the construction crew work. At least the building was still standing.  
  
21 hours, 52 minutes, 12 seconds.  
  
He nodded to the guys as he walked past them. Entering the restaurant, he was pleased to see how far the renovations were. The walls had been painted a rich caramel colour and mercifully no tacky nautical theme or Modagliani type cherubs adorned them. He saw Jimmy Cooper in the corner, discussing the kitchen design with the head chef. Jimmy seemed to be in his element. Hopefully he was a better restauranteur than he was financial advisor. Sandy sat in a booth and waited for his partner.  
  
* * * *  
  
Kirsten scowled at the computer monitor. She had been trying to make sense of the specifications sent by the contractors. She closed her eyes for a few moments and opened them again, hoping against hope that the numbers before her would magically make sense. She refused to look at the clock as she typed new numbers on the screen.  
  
* * * *  
  
Seth worked his way through different levels of the video game. He captured his prey quickly and methodically, creatively visualizing Dawn Atwood's face every time another troll melted from the screen.  
  
20 hours, 2 minutes, 0 seconds.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Tell me about Trey...?"  
  
Ryan narrowed his eyes and looked at Dr. Rodriguez.  
  
"He's my b-brother... He's s-s-six years older th-than me... What else d-d- you want to know?"  
  
The doctor noticed Ryan's speech was improving. The stuttering was becoming less apparent.  
  
"Were you guys close? Did you hang out together?"  
  
Ryan shrugged and fiddled with the belt of his house coat.  
  
"He g-gave me my first cig...cigarette, my first d-drink and my first joint... He taught m-me how n-n-not to steal a car..."  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"After d-dad went to jail, we m-moved to Chino. Trey d-d-didn't hang around much after that... M-mom had her boyfriends..."  
  
The doctor watched as Ryan tied violent knots in the length of navy velour, absently untying them when there was nothing left to twist, only to repeat the process again.  
  
"What was it like for you when your mother would move her boyfriends into your house?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sandy locked the door of the Beemer and trudged up the front steps of the law firm.  
  
18 hours, 45 minutes, 36 minutes. 


	29. chapter twenty nine

Still chugging Buckley's. I swear I've burned off all my tastebuds. The only good thing about that is I can no longer taste the stuff. Again, I will direct all legalities to Ghoti. He's a damn good betta beta.  
  
Chapter Twenty-nine  
  
17 hours, 14 minutes, 9 seconds.  
  
Sandy dumped his briefcase and keys on the kitchen counter. He opened the fridge and reached for a bottle of Grolsch. He hesitated. It felt too much like a need. He moved his hand and pulled out a bottle of Fiji water instead. He looked at the square bottle. Why the fuck were they buying "artisan" water anyway? He put the bottle back in the fridge, retrieved a glass from the cupboard and turned on the tap, waiting for the water to cool. He took a large drink and then swallowed, refilling the glass. Sandy wandered through the house they had lived in for the past 10 years. Rosa had been there. The house was immaculate and without Kirsten and the boys, the house seemed as hollow and empty as one of Caleb's show homes. He kicked off his shoes and settled into the couch in the family room, the tv remote strangled in his hand.  
  
Kirsten had checked in with Seth. She sat with him for a few minutes as he worked really hard to hide the "leave me the fuck alone" vibe he was sending out. She kissed the top of his head and reminded him to let her know if he needed anything. Seth surprised her when he stood up and gave her a hug before she left the room. No additional words were spoken, but the embrace conveyed his feelings perfectly. She visited "Brunhilde" and poured herself a large mug of the swiss water processed decaf she had secretly substituted for the high octane brew they usually drank. Mug in hand, she went back to the office, prepared to win the next round of "minesweeper".  
  
Seth had visualized Dawn Atwood's face on the last 197 troll kills. It stopped being fun about 160 times previous. Now it was just therapeutic. He tossed the controller onto a pile of pillows and stretched his legs. He made his way to the kitchen and looked for something to eat that didn't consist of kudos, goldfish or mountain dew. He pulled out a package of baby carrots and returned to the living room. He turned on the tv, finally settling on the game show channel. Stupid people, stupid prizes, stupid "Z" list celebrities. Might be good for a laugh...  
  
* * * * *  
  
"A wall of denial, is falling down.  
It's fallin' so hard, down to the ground.  
Never knew something so strong,  
Could be washed away by tears  
But this wall of denial, was just built on fear.  
  
Ryan swallowed hard when Dr. Rodriguez asked her question. He closed his eyes and tried to find a place in his mind he could hide. All the pathways were blocked by huge barriers. The surfaces too slick to climb over, too deeply set in to dig under, a never ending expanse of polished granite. Bright lights shone on the rubble of his concrete vault, its ugliness exposed.  
  
"Ryan?"  
  
He finally looked at her. Dr. Rodriguez met his eyes. His were frightened, hers were safe.  
  
"H-h-his name was Tim. He seemed o-okay... He had a job. M-mom was working. I just t-tried to stay out of the way..."  
  
Ryan was looking at the belt from his robe, untying the knots again.  
  
"How long did he live with you and your Mom?"  
  
Ryan shrugged.  
  
"I don't know... s-s-six months maybe...H-h-he was al-always staring at me. He'd c-c-come into m-my room at night..."  
  
Ryan twisted the belt around his fingers. He glanced back at the doctor.  
  
"He didn't d-do anything... All he did was watch m-me when he thought I was asleep. Mm-m-mom caught him coming out of my room and th-threw him out."  
  
He smiled wryly.  
  
"Then she b-beat the crap out of m-me... said it was my f-fault... I always screwed things up for her..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez watched as Ryan reached for the glass of ginger-ale in front of him. He took a few small sips and put the glass back.  
  
The switch had been turned on. The wall was coming down.  
  
"Mom wasn't home m-much after that. Tr-trey was gone most of the time. I'd wait up f-f-for her. Sometimes she'd bring a guy home... Other t-times she wouldn't come home. I th-thought if I did everything right, she'd stay home... If I-I- I took care of her, she'd w-w-want to stay home with me..."  
  
He quickly wiped at the tears that were starting to form.  
  
"The next guy she brought home was B-b-bill... He made life inter- interesting. I fell down the stairs a lot when he lived with us..."  
  
The knots were pulled at violently.  
  
"We... we didn't have any stairs..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez shifted slightly, waiting for Ryan to continue.  
  
"Mom didn't c-care he was kicking m-my ass... 'cause if he was k-kicking mine, he wasn't kicking hers. He liked... liked to use my arms to put out his smokes... She started sm-smoking crack when he c-came to live with us... She was wasted m-most of the time... Once... she twisted m-m-my arm... she broke it..."  
  
Ryan was now picking at a loose thread on the belt from the housecoat.  
  
"T-told the doctor at the free clinic I f-fell off the bunk bed... We d-d- didn't have one of those either..."  
  
"Trey would try to g-g-get me out of the house some nights. A couple of his fr-friends were okay. Arturo... Eddie... Th-they looked out f-for me. Arturo's mom... she was always trying t-t-to feed me... If they weren't around, Tr-trey would tell me to g-go home or stay in the p-park... Cops brought me home a couple of times for sleeping there... B-bill didn't like cops at the house and he m-made sure I remembered that... He g-g-got b-b-busted trying to sell coke to an undercover cop... That was my fault too. D-dawn t-told me if I hadn't pissed him off, he wouldn't have g-gone out... I ended up p-paying for that as well..."  
  
The switch from 'mom' to 'Dawn' was not unnoticed by Dr. Rodriguez. Ryan took a shaky breath and exhaled. Dr. Rodriguez looked at the clock. It was after 6.  
  
"Do you want to take a break?"  
  
"Yeah... but if I-I-I stop now... I don't know if I c-can start again..." His voice was barely a whisper.  
  
Ryan was now shredding the end of the belt, pulling threads, leaving a deep fringe. Blue lint decorated the couch. He cleared his throat and started speaking again.  
  
"Dawn seemed t-to pull herself together after B-bill was arrested. She started working again, she g-got clean. It was g-good for a while... She said things would be different... They'd be b-better. She told me I was a good kid..."  
  
Ryan closed his eyes again. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.  
  
"We've all had our demons, from the garden of white lies  
Dressed them, amused them, pullin' wool over our eyes.  
Go so far as to love them, to keep from letting them go.  
All the while they were killing us, but we couldn't let it show."  
  
When he opened his eyes, Dr. Rodriguez saw there was no emotion in them. They were cold and lifeless. This time, instead of looking away from her, Ryan stared at the doctor and continued speaking, not taking his eyes off hers.  
  
"That fairy t-tale ended when she hooked up with Gavin... It t-t-took about two weeks before she qu-quit her job and started using again. I was in my f-first year of high school. Trey had already fl-flunked out a couple years b-b-back... I l-liked school. I was on the soc-soccer team...staying out of trouble... One d-day, I came home af-after soccer practice... Dawn was making supper...She hadn't made it f-for a long time... Even when she was clean...she-she was usually working. I-I-I had to look after myself... Gavin t-told me it was his idea... We were going t-to start acting like a 'family' and that m-m-meant eating dinner together..."  
  
"I started feeling sick after we ate...Gavin laughed and s-s-said it was Dawn's cooking and I'd g-g-get used to it... The next thing I know, I wake up in m-my b-bed... My head was k-k-killing me... everything hurt. I got 'sick' a lot that year... M-m-missed a lot of school, so I got sus-suspended for it... I started having nightmares... being held d-down... I kept dreaming someone was m-messing with me....They seemed s-s-so real..."  
  
Ryan faltered. It took a moment before he could go on. His eyes never left the doctor's.  
  
"I t-told Dawn about the dreams... She just...she just laughed and said it w- was wishful thinking on m-m-my part..."  
  
"I started g-getting into fights at school... Got suspended for that too..."  
  
Ryan hugged his knees tighter, almost like he was trying to make himself smaller. Pain clouded his eyes, but he still refused to look away from Dr. Rodriguez.  
  
"I w-woke up in the middle of a nightmare... It wasn't a d-dream... It was real...This guy was on t-top of me... I tried to-to fight... He wouldn't stop... said he p-p-paid Dawn... She let him d-d-do it to me... He'd been doing it for months..."  
  
Tears were now streaming down Ryan's face. He made no effort to brush them away.  
  
"I b-b-begged him to st-stop... He told me to relax and en-en-enjoy it... I c-c- couldn't push him off m-me... I tried... I wanted him to stop... I c-could hear Dawn and Gavin laughing... I...I wanted her t-to help me... She j-just kept laughing... Trey br-broke the door in and pulled the guy off me... I-I-I don't re-remember anything else... I pr-pretended it never happened... I j-just remember that Gavin was g-gone and Dawn said it-it was my fault... Again..."  
  
Ryan started to rock back and forth, the tears were gone.  
  
"She m-met up with AJ... I'm n-not sure when, exactly... I w-wanted to leave so many t-times... She'd g-get drunk, tell me she loved me... Sh-she'd get drunk again, t-tell me I ruined her life... She'd g-get sober, t-t-tell me she was sorry and ask for another chance... I j-just wanted her to love me..."  
  
Ryan's voice became hard.  
  
"AJ was just like all the other p-p-parasites she brought home, only he al- already had a wife and k-k-kid somewhere... He th-thought he owned the place. He'd b-b-beat on Dawn... I'd try to stop him... He'd beat on me and Dawn would leave the room..."  
  
Ryan let go of his knees.  
  
"You wanna know why I-I-I- didn't leave? I wanted t-t-to finish school... I t-took my SAT 1's and I did pretty good. I figured I could d-do better the next time around... Try for a scholarship. I couldn't d-do that if I left home..."  
  
"No matter what the trouble we carry 'round inside.  
We're never safe from the truth, but in the truth we can survive.  
When this wall of denial comes tumblin' down, down to the ground"**  
  
Ryan leaned back and let out a long breath. He smiled weakly. He was done talking.  
  
"There you have it... I-I-I think I'd l-like to take a break now..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez looked at the clock. It was nearly 7:30. She was exhausted. Ryan was drained, emotionally and physically.  
  
"Let's get something to eat..."  
  
Ryan shook his head and reached for his walker.  
  
"I'm not hungry..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez watched as Ryan pulled himself up from the couch.  
  
"You're mistaken if you think you have a choice in the matter..."  
  
She led Ryan into the dining room and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with two bowls of soup. After a few minutes of watching Ryan play with it, she gave up and brought him back to his room. She waited for him to come out of the washroom. Once he was in bed, Dr. Rodriguez handed him a small paper cup containing his pill. She smiled at him.  
  
"Same deal as lunch time... Under your tongue for 2 minutes."  
  
Ryan was too tired to do anything but comply. When he was finally allowed to swallow, he leaned back and closed his eyes. Dr. Rodriguez watched as Ryan's breathing deepened and evened out. She arranged to have a nurse sit with him all night. After she picked up the tape recorder from the lounge, she went outside and pulled a pack of Du Maurier lights from her pocket. She watched the sun cast dying shadows on the water. She lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply. Her mind flashed to an image of a cigarette being put out on a boy's arm. She stepped on the cigarette and crumpled the pack. Tomorrow she'd start putting Ryan back together again.  
  
12 hours, 31 minutes, 8 seconds.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
**Lyrics to "Wall of Denial" written by Stevie Ray Vaughan. No infringement intended. 


	30. chapter thirty

I would have had this up a few hours earlier but it is so hard to type while my husband was very loudly swearing in Dutch as he watched his beloved Maple Leafs get their butts kicked by the Senators. Anyway, I think there will just be one chapter after this to tie up some loose ends. Ghoti is now in better beta betta heaven. He had a burial in the porcelain sea, so all legalities will now be handled by Ratticus, the shifty-eyed replacement hamster. I still don't own anything. Fox, Schwartz and Warner do.  
  
Chapter 30  
  
Saturday, January 24  
  
Seth eased himself off the couch. Gene Rayburn was talking loudly in his head. He turned to find the source of his irritation. His eyes focused on the tv screen. People he didn't recognize sporting bad hair cuts and even worse clothing were trying to match answers with "That 70's Show" rejects. As the fog cleared from his brain, he realized the show 'was' old. It was the 70's on this example of Gerald Ford era programming. Rubbing his eyes, he made his way to the kitchen, stopping to yawn and stretch. It was almost 7am.  
  
3 hours, 31 minutes, 19 seconds.  
  
Kirsten listened to the sounds of the marina. The small motors of the sailboats hummed as they exited the docks for the freedom of the ocean, waiting for the right moment to raise their sails. Cabin cruisers also left the marina, carrying sports fishermen whose main concern was the quality of their single malt scotch. Pushing the blankets off, she padded to the washroom and turned on the shower. It had been a long, sleepless night. Kirsten could hear the sounds of the tv coming from the living room. Seth had fallen asleep on the couch. She checked in on him before she had gone to bed, covering her son with a blanket. She thought about turning the tv off, finally deciding to leave it on, knowing the absence of noise would wake him up. She stood under the warm water, mentally preparing herself for the day. Dr. Rodriguez didn't call last night. Kirsten jumped every time the phone rang, praying it wasn't the clinic calling with bad news, but wishing the doctor would have at least called with an update. Sandy had called to let her know he was staying at the house and would drive out in the morning. Despite the physical distance between them, she felt the emotional bond of her husband. Her father called as well, saying he'd come down Saturday evening. He reminded his daughter that they would get through this ordeal as a family.  
  
Sandy stared out at the ocean and watched the waves curl, white froth carving through the azure blanket. Refractory images of Ryan's breakdown played in his mind. Logically he knew it could not have been prevented, but that didn't stop the guilt he felt for not seeing the warning signs earlier.  
  
He had called Trey the night before. The conversation, while short, went much better than the previous one. Sandy promised Trey he would keep him informed of his brother's progress. He also called Ryan's probation officer, Steve Jennings and updated him on the boy's condition. The last phone call he made before hiding in the house was to Ryan's social worker. Sandy told her he would send all of Ryan's medical files to her as soon as he could. She let him know that she was pleased with Ryan's progress in school and was happy his placement with the Cohen's was working out. Their emotional investment in him surprised her. It was one of the few bright spots in her heavy case load.  
  
Sandy spent the rest of the night watching "The Game Show" channel, yelling out answers and throwing his hands up in frustration. He hated "The Match Game" as a kid. Age didn't make it any better. It was still stupid. While he waited for the coffee pot to finish brewing, Sandy quickly packed a few more things for his family and straightened out the family room. He poured his coffee into an oversized travel mug, rinsed the pot out and got in the car, stopping only to call Dr. Kim to let her know that the family was extending their 'holidays' for another week. Loading a Steely Dan cd into the car stereo, he pulled out of the driveway. It would be a long 90 minutes before he could hug his wife again.  
  
2 hours, 52 minutes, 3 seconds.  
  
Ryan turned up the hot water until he felt the comforting stinging sensation on his shoulders. The thermal controls prevented the water from scalding him, yet it was hot enough to envelop the washroom in a steamy fog. It was the first time in a long while he slept through the night without painful images and shadows. Oddly enough, the heat from the shower seemed to alleviate the vertigo that plagued him since he came out of his catatonic state. He closed his eyes and turned, letting the hot water pelt his chest, thinking about the last 6 months. He had gone from Ryan Atwood, son of a bitch and a felon, inhabiting a cell in juvenile lock up to Ryan Atwood, 'new' son of Sandy and Kirsten Cohen, currently inhabiting a gilded cell in a mental hospital.  
  
"Ryan..." a gentle but firm voice called him. "You've been in there for over 20 minutes... It's time to finish up..."  
  
"Okay." He answered back, grabbing for the soap. At least the guards were a lot nicer here.  
  
* * * * *  
  
His hands gripped the walker so tightly Ryan's knuckles were turning white. The dizziness returned full force after getting out of the shower. Dr. Rodriguez greeted him with a pill and a choice. Breakfast in the dining room or breakfast in the dining room. He chose the latter. As he sat at the small table with her, he noticed all the other patients or 'clients' were each sitting at their own tables with a staff member. The scene could have been set in any upscale restaurant. The room looked anything but institutional. A plate of French toast, sliced fruit and a glass of orange juice was set in front of him. He whispered his thanks to the kitchen porter and picked up his fork. Hunger won out over nausea.  
  
* * * * *  
  
They were back in the lounge. Ryan was once again sitting on one couch while Dr. Rodriguez was seated on the other. The shredded blue reminders of yesterday were gone. He looked up expectantly at the doctor.  
  
"S-s-so now what?"  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
"What would you like to talk about?"  
  
Ryan thought a moment.  
  
"How ab-about Wal-mart and it's in-influences on the global economy p-p- paralleling what's written in th-the Book of Rev-Revelations...?"  
  
That caught the doctor off guard. She looked at Ryan as he kept a straight face. "This kid's got a quirky sense of humour" she thought to herself.  
  
"Sorry Ryan. I can probably put up a good fight on the first part of the subject, but Revelations... not included in the Torah..."  
  
The thick Yiddish accent she tacked on the end of her sentence was enough to make him lose his dead pan look. The smile on his face was a good start to the morning.  
  
1 hour, 29 minutes, 41 seconds.  
  
The beach house was too quiet when Sandy let himself in. No tv, no Death Taxi, Bright Flies or whatever it was Seth listened to. One guitar, 3 chords and a lot of complaining.  
  
"Sandy!!"  
  
He barely had time to look up before Kirsten nearly tackled him, kissing him deeply. It was right at this moment Seth walked in from the deck.  
  
"Can't you guys keep your hands to yourselves while I'm around? C'mon.... will you at least step back and take a breath, maybe come up for air?"  
  
Sandy and Kirsten pointedly ignored Seth for a few more moments.  
  
"Would you stop now... You know with all this closeness, I'm surprised I was an only child for 16 and a ½ years..."  
  
"It wasn't for lack of practice..." Sandy muttered, not wanting to stop the embrace.  
  
Seth made appropriate gagging noises for a soon to be 17 year old.  
  
"That is so not the image I want to have stuck in my brain, thank you very much... Can we go out for breakfast?"  
  
This time, Sandy and Kirsten let a little light in between them.  
  
"Seth, I just drove through morning rush hour all the way from Newport... All I want is a cup of coffee and to relax..."  
  
"It'll make the next 1 hour, 28 minutes and 19 seconds go by much faster..."  
  
Kirsten grabbed the keys and her purse off the counter.  
  
"I'm driving..."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I think they're going to see me as 'damaged goods'..." Ryan hesitated and lowered his voice. "It'll change how they think of me..."  
  
Dr Rodriguez watched as Ryan's finger wound its way around the hem of his t- shirt. She had asked him if he thought the Cohens would feel any different about him after his breakdown.  
  
"So, when the Cohens took guardianship of you, the thought they were getting a smart 16 year old with no emotional baggage at all?"  
  
Ryan's finger managed to work a small hole in his shirt. He started picking at it until the thread holding the hem came loose. Dr. Rodriguez knew she needed to supply Ryan with a sturdier tactile diversion for their next session.  
  
"I-I-I don't know wh-what they thought... S-Sandy said we were cut from the s- same deck, but he's like the 'K-king of Hearts'...I'm...." Ryan paused. "I still d-d-don't know the real r-reason they took me in... I don't want t-t-to ask..."  
  
Dr. Rodriguez leaned into the corner of the couch, her casual way of sitting belying the seriousness in her voice.  
  
"You don't want to ask or you're afraid to ask?"  
  
"It's the s-s-same thing..." Ryan shot back, pulling at the threads of his now hemless t-shirt.  
  
Dr. Rodriguez shook her head.  
  
"No they're not. The Cohens wanted to provide you with love, parental guidance, a safe, secure home, a good education, not to mention more material things you can probably imagine and you haven't asked them why?"  
  
She saw Ryan's eyes become hard and angry. This was the last barrier she needed to knock down. Although she knew Ryan felt in his heart the Cohens loved him and considered him to be their son, his mind didn't always believe it. He still had issues of doubt regarding his place in the family. It became apparent when Ryan had said yesterday that he 'had' to believe the Cohens cared for him. Dr. Rodriguez knew she had to help him realize just how much he meant to them.  
  
"Fine!" Ryan said coldly, choosing to ignore what the doctor had said previously about the use of that particular 'f' word. Oliver's words to him in the hospital came back full force.  
  
"I'm afraid to ask, okay... I'm afraid I'm going to find out that I'm just their pet charitable cause, or Kirsten took me in just to piss her father off and as soon as I'm 18 I'm out on my ass again... Why the hell do they want me...My own mother didn't?"  
  
Ryan's voice rose.  
  
"It doesn't matter anyway... It's over... The Cohens have gotta be tired of all the shit I've put them through..."  
  
The ragged bottom of his t-shirt was testimony to his emotional state. He leaned forward to reach for his walker.  
  
"Sit down... We're not finished yet..."  
  
Ryan was about to argue when he saw the "don't fuck with me look" from Dr. Rodriguez.  
  
"If the Cohens wanted to feel noble they would have taken in a stray cat. Yesterday, you told me that you 'had' to believe the Cohens cared about you, but you didn't tell me if you 'did' believe it. I can help you deal with your past, but I can't make you believe the Cohens love you and need you. You have to do that for yourself. Let your head believe what your heart already knows...Let them in..."  
  
Ryan slouched down on the couch and closed his eyes. Dr. Rodriguez had broken through his last defense. He was now exposed to the possibility of being hurt again, but this time he had a family to support him, to make him a stronger person. For the first time in his life, he would be whole.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The Cohens waited anxiously for Ryan in his room. Seth was unnaturally subdued as he waited for his brother and best friend. Squeaky footsteps announced Ryan's arrival. So much for stealth... He had just enough time to smile at the Cohens before Kirsten reached out and pulled him into a hug. The physical pain the hug caused his healing ribs was overshadowed by the love and security it gave his healing soul. 


	31. Last Chapter

Okay, this is the last chapter. A big thank-you to all of you! This has been a wild ride. I had no idea where I was going with this when I took over JzZrGrl 13's story, so thanks again for putting up with all the rambling.  
  
Josh darling, it's been wonderful. Sorry our relationship has to end. It's me, not you. I'll take the gang out for another spin later. For now I'll just return them to you a little dizzy, but not worse for wear. Legalities, shmegalities. Josh, our relationship transcends all matters legal. I know the OC is yours and only yours.  
  
Chapter 31  
  
The Cohen/Atwood/Nichol clan sat on the deck of the beach house watching as the lights that adorned the sailboats and yachts in the marina slowly came to life. There was very little conversation happening, just a comfortable quietness. Dr. Rodriguez released Ryan from the clinic that afternoon only after extricating a promise from the Cohen's that Ryan would see her again Monday afternoon. She also started to wean Ryan from the lorazepam, cutting out the afternoon dose. His last pill would be Monday morning.  
  
Sandy watched as Ryan listened to Seth quietly speak of his plans to get Ryan out sailing. Ryan was pale, tired, but most importantly unguarded. The walls he had firmly in place during their first meeting in juvenile lock up were now gone. Sandy knew they would be put up again, but now they had the tools to dismantle them. He sipped the Beaujolais Caleb had brought up from the wine cellar. Only Caleb would have a beach house with a home office and a well stocked wine cellar. Necessities of life. He leaned back and ran his fingers over the back of Kirsten's hand. She smiled at him and leaned in closer. A huge weight had been lifted. The war had been won, but she knew there would still be battles. She looked up and watched as Seth went into the house and returned after a few moments with a throw blanket and covered Ryan. He then joined his parents and grandfather.  
  
"Ryan was so excited about going sailing he just had to fall asleep right away so tomorrow would come faster..."  
  
Seth watched his grandfather smirk.  
  
"Okay, he said there was no way in hell he was getting on a boat...It's amazing how he can convey that sentiment with just a death glare..."  
  
"Don't worry Seth, we'll turn Ryan into a sailor yet." Caleb looked at Sandy. "Do you want some help getting the boy in his bed?"  
  
Sandy shook his head.  
  
"I'll let him stay out here for a little while longer. The fresh air will probably do him some good. He's been cooped up for a long time..."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sandy carried Ryan inside. The boy had definitely lost weight in the last month. He didn't stir as Sandy shifted his arms to hold Ryan more securely as he climbed the stairs. Sandy marveled at how Ryan nestled into him, a far cry from the times he would flinch from any type of physical contact. Sandy set his son down on the bed, pulling off Ryan's runners. He gently ran his fingers over the growing stubble.  
  
"G'night Sandy..." Ryan mumbled, not opening his eyes.  
  
"Sleep well son...." Sandy lingered a few moments, waiting for Ryan's breathing to deepen and even out, signaling he was once again asleep.  
  
Kirsten rinsed out the wine glasses before she placed them in the dishwasher. She smiled as Sandy entered the kitchen.  
  
"Is he all tucked in?"  
  
"One down, one to go..."  
  
Kirsten put her arms around Sandy.  
  
"Seth's still down on the boat with my dad. Maybe we could..."  
  
That particular lascivious thought ended promptly as Seth wandered into the kitchen.  
  
"I can't leave you guys alone at all without you pawing each other. I'm amazed I turned out as well as I have... Is Ryan in bed?"  
  
Kirsten stepped away enough from Sandy to let a little light shine between them.  
  
"Your dad brought him upstairs a few minutes ago. I thought you were going to stay on the boat with your Grandfather tonight."  
  
Seth shrugged.  
  
"I... I was... I guess I just needed to talk to you guys..."  
  
Sandy looked at Kirsten.  
  
"I'll go fire up "Brunhilde"..."  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Kirsten and Sandy sat in the living room watching Seth, waiting for him to put his thoughts into words.  
  
"Is Ryan going to be okay now?"  
  
Kirsten got up and sat beside Seth. She put her arm around his shoulders.  
  
"Sweetie... The worst is over, but Ryan still has a way to go. He'll still have to see Dr. Rodriguez twice a week and the three of us will have a few sessions with her as well."  
  
Seth looked puzzled.  
  
"Why do we need to see her? I'm..."  
  
Kirsten gently put her finger on Seth's mouth to stop him from speaking.  
  
"Your dad and I think it would be a good thing, to help us deal with Ryan's past and help him realize he's a part of our future..."  
  
Seth took a few moments to process the information. Sandy swallowed hard. He didn't want to ask this question, but he had to.  
  
"Son... Are you okay with Ryan? I mean, your Mom and I have been spending an awful lot of time with him. We..."  
  
Seth shook his head.  
  
"You're not serious are you? Ever since you brought Ryan home, it's like we've mutated into the "Cleaver" family... A slightly skewed version of the Cleavers, but that's what it feels like. Ward, June, Wally... that's me... and the "Beav"... that would be Ryan. Luke is even our very own Eddie Haskell. We have dinner together more, I see you guys in the morning... Dad, you even went Tipper Gore on me and listened to my cds to make sure there wasn't anything uh, objectionable. It took a little getting used to, but I like it... It's cool having a partner in crime, uh, metaphorically speaking of course and you guys... well, it seems every time I see you you're all over each other... Maybe seeing Dr. Rodriguez won't be so bad after all... You guys are going to scar me for life with all this... this..."  
  
"Love and affection?" Sandy finished for him. "We're married, not dead..."  
  
"Dad, please... If this is your way of keeping me celibate until I'm married or having to buy Viagara in bulk, it's working..."  
  
Seth tried to stop the yawn that threatened to break his face in half.  
  
"I second that motion..." Sandy said with a smile.  
  
"Passed and carried." Groaned Kirsten. Sandy scooped his wife up and proceeded to carry her to the bedroom.  
  
"My eyes... They burn..." Mumbled Seth.  
  
"Good night Seth..."  
  
"'Night Mom... G'night Dad."  
  
* * * * * *  
  
This time it wasn't a panicked scream that woke Sandy up. It was the sounds of loud whispers and clanging kitchen ware, interspersed with the occasional "SSHHHH!" He glanced at the clock on the night stand. 6:45 am. Even non-funny Gentiles celebrated a Sabbath, day of rest, day of not getting up this damn early. It was just on a different day than what he was used to.  
  
Kirsten buried herself deeper under the blankets.  
  
"They're your sons..." She mumbled  
  
Sandy leaned over and nuzzled her neck.  
  
"Oh... Is this how it works? They're mine when they wreak havoc, but when the halos are firmly attached to their heads they're yours? I don't think so..."  
  
A loud crash cut through the air, followed by a frazzled "SETH!.... Quiet!"  
  
Kirsten rolled over and faced Sandy.  
  
"I distinctly remember saying we were in over our heads..."  
  
He leaned in and kissed her.  
  
"We are totally out numbered..."  
  
Another crash, another "SETH!"  
  
Kirsten looked at the man who stole her heart 19 years ago with his idealism, his self righteousness and his total love for her.  
  
"World domination to follow..."  
  
Finito! 


End file.
